Wednesday afternoon brain dump

First things first: I am learning to live  life, where many of my waking hours are spent in a mini van, with a faulty gas gauge. You are welcome. I know everyone was greatly concerned about that. So far so good. Watching numbers is becoming very important. Which means I am more aware of how many miles I travel, and suffice it to say, it's a lot.

My camera is making a reappearance. not like I ever actually put it away for very long, but the cold months made it impossible to continue photographing at the rate that I had been in the fall. Oh how I have missed it! Last summer Dave bought me a new camera and it is a gem! It's a Nikon 5100. The sensor in this thing is far superior than that of my D60, and the low light capabilities are amazing!  The feel of it, the sound of it, and the results from it make my heart smile. Some say I have an addiction. To that I say, "well, it could be worse, no?" *grin*

I am in the midst of editing my latest photo session, with a marine daddy+mama and 2 cuties - and I am finding it quite difficult to pull myself away from the Mac... Check it out here.

A couple of nights ago I scored an espresso maker at a thrift store for $4. It isn't anything fancy, but it cleaned up beautifully and Dave and I had so much fun playing with it last night. Of course, it was 6:00pm when we started experimenting with drinks, and I tend to get very wired from caffeine, so it made for an interesting night, but SO worth it. 

I love my husband so much. See, we have this crazy life. It is so loud and busy and really doesn't slow down for anything. Sometimes we have to nearly shout to be heard above the chaos, and yet - we know that this is what we dreamed about someday having. We can laugh at how dead tired we are and how sometimes things just feel out of control and constant. We can make espresso after supper and ignore the feeling of dirt under our feet while we tease each other out of earshot of our boys. It's just nice. 

Guess who's really growing up? Yeah, all of them, but check out my Jay.

So big. 

We are moving forward towards what looks like big changes for our family. We have been working out more details of a full time possible ministry position for Dave. It's exciting, and freeing, and scary, and good all at once. Mostly it just continues to reinforce the truth in our hearts: when God says go, you go. And right now that is enough.

I had a conference at Noe's preschool yesterday. It was good. He's a good boy. He goes to kindergarten round up next Tuesday. *gulp*. I need to devote a post to this kid sometime soon. He is developing this crisp, black and white sense of right and wrong that is very good, and yet I can see problematic potential in it as well. All of our boys are so unique - and watching them develop their own minds and gifts is such a pleasure!

I need an intervention in my life as it pertains to the color yellow. It's over the top you guys. I can't get enough. It's all I want to wear. At least I am a second hand and clearance rack shopper... but really, I have yellow striped t-shirts, yellow heels (swoon), yellow flats, a yellow and brown lunch tote, a 40's style yellow double breasted jacket. Yellow is so sunshine-y and pretty. And I really don't want to stop.

Hello yellow, gray, and blue blog. 

I'm learning some important things about relationships. And they are very, very hard things for me to process. I am a highly relational person. I get tightly attached to people. History means the world to me. Realizing that the past can not erase the present is hard. Letting go is hard. learning to care from a distance and have boundaries is counterintuitive to me. But, as most of you probably know, it is a very wise concept to master. 

Okay, that is all I have time for right now. My to do list right now is truly mocking me. Enjoy the sunshine! Go wear yellow. You know you want to. 

Where emotions mingle

The past two days have been such a laughable mix of stupid and ecstatic.

Geez, now I have these little voices in my head saying, "Mom, we aren't supposed to say stupid!"

And I am vacillating between changing it to "undesirable" (or some such term that just doesn't quite say it like it is) because, yes, that is MY rule,

..or letting the rebellion kick in, and saying "Stupid, stupid, stupid".

*ahem*

We'll just leave it all as is and move on.

So, after our great snow day + Christmas tree cutting, family bonding, I apparently had a rough time getting back into the groove of what is my regular life routine.

I misjudged my time during our "rush hour" in the midst of getting ready for school, getting back packs ready, making sure everyone was clothed, and getting breakfast around. Thus.... this mixture of wonderful and... "undesirable".

The past 24 hours involved forgetting a backpack, running late, having a van covered in ice, then snow, then more ice, then more snow, and only scraping windows for about 4 minutes to buy time (thus giving myself just little eye holes out the windshield), turning around in what looked like (you know, through those lovely eye holes...) the driveway to a field, but was in fact an ice/mud/snow trap for mom vans.

Running later, 

needing to pick up babysitters for our mom's group,

calling Dave, 

being towed out, 

not steering/braking right while being towed, 

just about getting stuck in the ditch parallel to the "Field driveway",

Possibly shedding tears (okay, definitely crying a big ugly, embarrassed cry that smudged mascara and everything...) over a huge blow to my pride...,

Dave dropping the boys off at school, 


getting to Mom's group 20 minutes late,


assembling 75 cookie plates, 

bringing big grins to the faces of residents at a local retirement community,

singing Christmas carols,


a sweet cookie exchange amongst friends,


trying not to replay stupid bad choices from the morning, throughout the rest of my day,


giving in to tiredness and a short nap instead of folding laundry,


grocery shopping,

lots of Christmas music,

Mom's group Christmas party at Olive Garden,


laughing till tears were literally running down our faces (the good kind this time),

giving and receiving gifts with this great group of gals (possibly including some very personal items and plastic dog poop), (um...not supposed to say that either)


trying to eat burnt chicken - and eventually receiving a full refund for said meal due to friends who won't let me do the crazy 'pretend everything is fine' thing,

coming home to a quiet house and sweet sleep, 


the whole crazy morning routine again,

checking my bank account and realizing that a transaction from 2 weeks ago, that I hadn't meant to actually submit, had gone through this morning due to stupid unwise navigating of a tricky website,

being on the phone for a stupid undesirable amount of time with some....undesirable customer service, and eventually getting it all figured out, but not without some frustrating inconvenience on our part,


and finally, have begun preparation for a 24 hour retreat with the Center for Women staff, starting this evening.

1. I really hate doing ... things that proclaim my own incompetence. 

Wow. The pride is quite sore today. 

That's a good thing... I know. I've been battling pride in a big way, so it's an answer to prayer, but ouch anyway.

2. I can't help but just laugh at the high highs and low lows that have come so close together in the last couple of days...

3. And lastly, on an unrelated, but equally undeniable note, baby bro is getting cuter every day and I can hardly stand it.

That is all.

eclectic

I've been thinking lately what an odd combination of all things eclectic I am. Random some may say *wink*.


I like organization

My basement looks like a train wreck with a tornado on the side

My nose and ears are pierced

I'm not what one could really describe as an adventurer and am not a huge fan of pain

I dabble in alot of different creative outlets

I don't necessarily stand out in any one thing

I never went to college

I'm all about life long learning

I love a vintagey look to fashion

I wear alot of modern styles

I work at a crisis pregnancy center and am completely life-begins-at-conception-pro-life

I nearly get physically ill when I hear about so-called pro life enthusiasts who use aggressive tactics to get their point across

I like digging in the dirt, experiencing nature, being barefoot, a feeling of old fashioned goodness and fun

I adore wearing heels and learning new things in the world of technology

I am a planner; a list maker

I am highly creative and can appreciate spontaneity


Fortunately my husband had a pretty good idea when he married me that day in and day out he would have to wait and see what facet of his wife's personality he would be subject to.

Ahhhh - now HE is the adventurous one, no?!

I was far more traditional when we were married 10 years ago then I am now. Far more.

I think though that the traditional, conservative, cautious woman that Dave married in 2001 was that way because she thought she had to be. It was just expected. Right? Some of those qualities are hard wired into the heart beat of who God created me to be. Some have fallen by the wayside in a freeing resolve.

At the core of who I am I foster a grounded belief that I am a redeemed individual. That God has a high calling on my life to be his love in a very tangible form. I believe that He is the Son of God and that there will be a magnificent day when he makes all things right again. I live for that day. I have a deep desire to strengthen my boldness and tell any one who will listen that they too have been made free from self, and sin, and death.

Those are the significant things. Those are the unchangeables.

Speaking of my Daivd {and all that he puts up with...}, he is a rock star. His non-perfect work-in-progress self is an amazing counterpart to the inadequate, flawed  human flesh that is me. Tuesday was a l o n g day here. It was a tangled, conglomeration of sleep deprivation, sickness, decisions, running around, and desperation. Let me just pause and say all is well now. It was really just a very hard 24 hours. Fortunately things turned around quite quickly! But where was I? Oh - the man. The rock star. Yes, he senses when I am running on empty and bordering on frantic. Either that or the 10,000 times I call him at work tips him off to that fact. One of those.

So, he got home Tuesday afternoon and ran my bath for me. I had so much that still needed to be done, but I never would have slowed down if he didn't make me. He knew that. He knew that if he hadn't started the bath, poured the glass of wine, and blocked the path to anywhere but our room, I would work myself into a frenzy. Frenzied Wendi is apparently not that fun to be around. Apparently. Who knew?

I'm so lucky. He's truly gifted and tender and wonderful. Perhaps I am biased, but I believe I am one of many who would whole heartedly agree.

Speaking of Easter baskets {I was in my head. Sorry if I lost you} I got one from my secret sister in the mom's group I lead at church. I was giddy. Like a 9 year old. Because I think I was 9 the last time I got an Easter basket all for me. Silly, I know, but so fun to dig through the course green strips of plastic grass and discover.

This was in there.

And so was this:

Hello. Yes please.

Today I wore a soft white tunic with smocking on the top paired with leggings and {the} brown boots. I really liked it. I've had this conversation with friends often, "Hey - how long do you think I will get away with wearing clothes from the juniors section?" Most of them know this is just me. The fit is better and the style is who I am. So they are gracious and say "as long as you want to my eclectic friend". But really? I'm 30. When do Clinton and Stacy run at you and tell you that you need to pick out more mature outfits?? I've tried shopping in the "misses" section, really I have. I can't do it. Just stop me if someday my boys are complaining that their mom is totally embarrassing them. Then I will consider trading in my leggings for elastic waist slacks and my shrugs for sweatshirts with cardinals on them. {I can't, I can't, I can't!!}.

Our photography website is almost up and running! It makes everything feel a little bit more "real". Like this is really happening. It's hard to explain what it means to me. Exploring a dream is always awe inspiring to me. We are getting a great response and I think we will be busy this spring and summer!

I need to go start  the crust for tonight's pizza. With my multifarious personality who knows what kinds of toppings we will throw on it...

My impulsive brain welcomes you

I'm thinking about bangs. Not little fringy wispy things, nope - I'm talkin' the real thing. I was probably 8 or 9 the last time I had thick, brow brimming bangs. I haven't convinced myself to go for it yet, but I'm close. Some women can pull off the thick bangs look in a stunning fashion. Some, not so much. Scary not to know where I will land here.

I have successfully posted a picture every single day on my photo blog since the second day of this new year. It has been challenging and very fun! I love forcing myself to see things from several different perspectives. This is helping me to accomplish that desire.

This little boy... oh my. What can I say - he slays me with one look. My heart is a mess. All melty and squishy when he smiles and jabbers. He is at a point where he most definitely requires discipline. I am at a point where I most definitely need to stand firm in the face of severe cuteness (yes, even when he is sternly angry  - gah! What's a mama to do???).

This strange thing is happening with his eyes. Do you remember when they were so stunningly clear blue? They appear to be turning into mine. Hazel. Kind of murky. Changes with moods. Interesting.

I overheard a conversation the other day between two women. One had worked subbing as K's aid in his classroom. "He's 8. Yeah, he knows classical songs by heart - and each composer!! It's crazy. He knows Mozart, and Tchaikovsky (yes, I just googled that to figure out how to spell it. Don't judge. K was occupied elsewhere and couldn't help me) - and he hums the melodies!"  - They think he is super smart. The truth? - He has seen one too many Little Einstein episodes. Ooops. What they don't know won't hurt them, eh?

I've never been on a missions trip. I can't get missions out of my mind. And you better believe I have tried! If you know me, you know that I will look for all of the possible justifications and ways out before I finally concede on something. Does this preoccupation with missions mean that we need to pack up and go overseas? Does it mean I need to increase my giving, more sacrificially? Perhaps that I should increase my awareness of the plight of those less fortunate than us? Focus on missions right here in my community?

Well, yes. And no. And all of the above. And I'm not really sure yet. I'm in that, "Okay God - you have my attention. What are you trying to say to me?" stage.

I am studying Proverbs 31 with my Mom2mom group at church. For the first time in my life I am understanding the depth of my responsibility, privilege, and calling in my home. This past week we investigated our own emotional stability (or lack of such...). *gulp* We looked at what God's word says about our ability to keep our emotions under control. We also tread on that thin ice of being stable despite our oh-so-precarious hormones. Oh yes, we did.

One of my favorite quotes from the study book we are using ("Beautiful in God's Eyes" by Elizabeth George) is this: "God's beautiful Proverbs 31 woman was the sparkling jewel in her husband's life. She brought the love, the color, the joy, the life, and the energy to the home... I am to light up the home with sparkle no matter how hard times are". 

Ladies, let's sparkle!! Doesn't that sound fun? Yes. but it is weighty too.

It is so on. I am doing this. I love that I get to bring the energy into my home. Positive or negative? My choice. Better make it a good one.

I'm bidding on a dress on eBay (trying to get a deal! It's part of being virtuous). It makes me catch my breath when I view it, and wait to see if I will win it. It's not like I go look at it several times a day or anything. La-ame! But it's silk, vintagey, and ivory with a thick black sash. It's feminine, soft looking, with some subtle ruffling, and pretty wow. Two days left.

I had a battle of wills party with my four year old yesterday morning. It was exhausting. His negotiating skills are crazy. He may have the advantage of cuteness. He may have the advantage of taking me by surprise. He may have the advantage of mini-lawyer syndrome. But guess what. I'm the mom. I will follow through. I will not back down. So try that on for size little mister "I object".

Why is Papa John's pizza so dang good? What do they put in the crust that makes me want to go back every day? Do I want to know? Is it legal? What's with that garlic butter goodness? Ugghh. Some body stop me.

Conversational blogging - just try to keep up

I'm getting hooked to vanilla wafers - and they must be Nabisco. No substitutes for this newest of delights. With ice cold milk? Yes please.

Next week is going to be constant. Maybe even a touch of insanity?  Yes - even more than usual.

Dave has softball tournaments Monday and Tuesday.

K has surgery (ear tubes...again) Tuesday morning. I think I may be losing count of his surgeries now. His ENT is concerned about what appears to be some fairly serious hearing loss in his left ear. Could be serious - or it could just be alot of wax build up. Okay, thankyouverymuch for making a mama crazy.

Wednesday I am taking K to his annual eye exam. We have been taking him to the best of the best pediatric eye clinic in several states (or so I've heard). It's an hour drive and usually about a 2 hour wait - totally worth it. Our insurance no longer covers them. We will be paying out of pocket this one last time and will definitely miss them!

Thursday is K's speech therapy.

Friday/Saturday is possibly camping and family reunion 2 hours away.

I love summer. Seriously - it is busy, but it is pretty packed with enchantments that one can not come by in the winter time.

We have new baby kittens and they are fluff balls of sweetness. The boys are in love.

K is still having "episodes" that are very seizure like, but have been formally diagnosed as migraines. His doctors can throw whatever diagnosis at him that they want to, but until they are cradling him in their lap trying to tell him everything is going to be okay and calming his trembling they can not understand. My gut feeling is telling me that we are missing something. Something isn't right. It just isn't.

I am consistently getting about 7 hours of consecutive sleep now. (Can I hear a hallelujah??)

Last night, while introducing myself to a group of ladies, I said I had five boys. I haven't done that in a long time. I then said "I mean I have four boys." And then I felt a little bit sad. I haven't felt that way in a long time. I know that I have five boys. I know that. But for practical purposes, I tend to tell acquaintances that I have four. It makes it a little easier. Less awkward. Less time consuming. And sometimes I feel like I am betraying him.

When Joshua died we were given a memorial plant. Something to put roots down. Something that will bloom every year and remind us of him. It's a Rose of Sharon plant and it is in full bloom right now. It is the most gorgeous and low maintenance plant I have ever seen. 

I'm utterly and irrevocably in love with my husband. He's very patient. He's incredibly forgiving.

I washed his phone a couple of weeks ago. I killed it. He was sad. He told me it was okay.

I missed a bill that was due last week. It almost doubled in overage charges. He called and told them we've never missed a bill before... we were on vacation... we were sorry... They removed the charges.

He lined up a babysitter for tonight. He asked me out. Like - on a real date. :) I'm a little giddy. Like a teenager. Only, I'm not a teenage and, in fact, am very rapidly approaching the end to my twenties. Some days I feel 19 still. I know, I know - very odd, but it is true. In February I will be 30.

My oldest sister is like a Betty Crocker. She has always been pretty domestic and creative. I keep thinking about the made-from-scratch blueberry pie and peach cobbler she made when we were in Iowa last month.

Yesterday I was not a good mama. I lost my patience alot. Too much. I really wished for a do-over day. I am so glad that we have new days for new beginnings and that His mercies are NEW every morning. Great is HIS faithfulness. I don't deserve it. It is great.

I recently finished a Bible study on Ruth. It was an in depth study of the kinsmen redeemer. It opened my eyes so much to things I had only thought I previously understood. I grew up in little Baptist churches where mostly hymns were sung. I would sing alot about being "Redeemed" - but it didn't mean a whole lot to me. Just another one of "those words". You know - Christianese. Through this study I was brought to tears as I realized what a big deal it is to be redeemed. And it is changing the way I live my life. Back in the culture of the Bible times a slave could be bought back from slavery by his closest relative. This freedom sometimes came at a great price. - How do you think that relative would feel if the slave would say "Thanks for paying that enormous price to make me free and all - but I'm pretty sure I want to live in slavery still. See ya, bye." No, not acceptable at all.

I don't think I lived worthy of the price yesterday.

Glad today is a new day.

Peace out.

Do you know what I think?

I think that long weekends, which start with kiddos and hubby coming home at 10:30 on a Friday morning and end at bedtime on a Monday night, may be one of my favorite things ever.

I think that little boys with sticky faces from smore's may be one of the silliest and sweetest sights ever.

{I think that s'mores is a word and will choose to ignore the squiggly red line under it}

I think that when there are tragedies all around me Jesus takes my face in his hands and turns my eyes upon Him in a way that changes me for the better. I can not even begin to tell you all of the deeply troubling news I have heard in just a short 2 week time span. So much sad.

I think that watching a little one {who has been crawling backward for two months but just could not get forward motion} finally realize that he can pull himself forward all over the house is stinkin' hilarious! I would call his crawl the 'spazy army crawl'. The entertainment level is really great. He is so excited that he just kinda cruises in this unbounded flurry of energy. Good, good stuff.

I think that summer time is definitely good.

I think that I am married to a man who makes my life quite beautiful. I love finding out new things about him and loving him deeper all the time.

I think that I am {finally} getting more energy. So much so that my mind is imagining all of the many many ways that I can delve into spring cleaning. So much needs done. I will not even get half of it completed - but I know I will make some progress this month.

I think that it is funny to feel "nesty" without the pregnancy.

{I think that spell check needs to leave me alone! I do not mean "nasty" I intentionaly typed "nesty". So go away! And take your little squiggly red line with you!}

I think that being organized is my happy place.

I think that Noe at age three is going to nullify my previous stance that three is not an agreeable age whatsoever.

I think that NeedToBreathe is one of my favorite bands at the moment. And Tenth Avenue North. And Sanctus Real.

I think that baby Kai is looking more and more like my baby pictures.

I think that the antique coffee grinder we discovered in our basement could likely be the coolest gadget we will ever find

.

I think that I am going to enjoy some of that freshly ground/brewed coffee right now while I giggle and watch a little 7 month old propel himself around my house.

And I think that today is going to be a really nice day.

I have a case of the randoms today

Enjoying some amazingly beautiful spring days here. Really, really take-a-deep-breath-outside-and-feel-like-you-could-burst-into-song beautiful. It's going to get cold this weekend, so we are just soaking all this beauty in as much as we can now!

Just finished my third blog design. I did this one for my friend Kristy and think it turned out really fun! You can check it out here.

Last Thursday I started an in depth study of Ruth. On Sunday our pastor started preaching on Ruth. Today my sister and I talked on the phone and she began telling me all she was learning in her study of... Ruth. Thinking God might be trying to tell me something... from the book of Ruth.

Realized as I began to dig deeply into God's word how hungry I was for it and how soul neglectful I have been lately.

 Enjoyed our first family date at the zoo on Friday. It was baby Kai's first time and his eyes were huge and full of awe the entire time.

Was sad that I forgot to put my memory card back into my camera after downloading pictures - thus have no pictures of Kai's first trip to the zoo. (I know - {gasp} {gasp})

 Loved having our college kids over Saturday evening. It's fun to have little kids and college kids. Dave has two student employees each year and we enjoy making meals for them and hanging out with them. Our boys always go crazy over them too - and this year they have formed especially close attachments.

Have been honored by a nomination for a blog award with a monetary prize. The other nominees are phenomenal bloggers - and if nothing else I am just all smiley to have my blog title listed next to theirs. There are five different categories and the one I have been nominated in is "awesomest inspirational blog". The end result is determined by voting - and if you wish you may vote here. Do I feel like I have the "awesomest inspirational blog"? Um...no. Is it fun to have been nominated? It is. One of my favorite blog writers, Katie @ The Baby Factory, has been nominated in the awesomest parenting blog and awesomest overall blog. She is doing great in the polls (last I checked she was wining on the awesomest parenting blog!!)- be sure to give her a vote too! It's really quick and easy to do.

The song playing right now is a current fav of mine. It is me. I almost didn't like it the first time I heard it because of  how much I could relate to it. That doesn't make alot of sense - but if you can relate to the words of this song, you will get it with out explanation (I am going to put the lyrics at the bottom of this post). I now listen to it often and God is using it. Quite alot.

Have realized that many of the computer issues I have been having seem to be Internet Explorer vs Firefox issues. And surprisingly I am leaning towards going back to Internet Explorer as all of my glitches are happening while using Firefox.

Fitting into clothes I haven't fit into in a long time. It's nice.

Been sitting down with calendar in hand and planning our summer. It is shaping up to be busy - but we are also trying to be very conscious of our family and our marriage. We have had some weeks in the past couple of months that have been just too busy. No way around it - it was too much! In recognition of this we are striving to protect at least a part of our weekends and never have our time spread so thin that our family suffers.

Have been so moved lately by this really great thing called grace. It's crazy good and I am so undeserving. - But that is what it is all about. Crazy. Good.

Been thinking alot about this weekend - specifically Sunday. It seems that every year I am impressed more and more with how blessed I was growing up with such a dedicated, loving, and Godly mother! She continues to be a great blessing in my life!

And now the kidlets are going down for their afternoon naps and I must feed my soul.


Lyrics | Tenth Avenue North lyrics - Healing Begins lyrics

Dear Mud:

You are worth it. Your presence tells of positive things to come. The sun has preceded you. I will tolerate you. I will sweep my floors multiple times each day on account of your sneaky ways of coming into the house on our shoes. You are worth it, you are worth it, you are worth it.

The lengths I will go to for a little glimpse of spring in the middle of winter...

I planted grass in a little flower pot. I put it in my kitchen window. It grew. I smile every time I look at it. Now go do it. You know want to.

Musings on a very hot summer day

It's kinda hot here today. Too hot to concentrate and make a real coherent post. I'm posting any way. Fun.

• Pretty sure the baby is named. For me any way. I have been mentally referring to him by the name I have chosen for several weeks now - so that's it for me. :) I'm not going to tell yet, but I will say it was mentioned in the comments of my 'name game' post. Go read them all, it was so much fun for me to read through all of those comments!
• Chocolate chocolate chip muffins are too a nutritious breakfast! My boys agree.
• I feel like I am carrying this baby differently than the other boys. It feels different when he kicks too. I think it's because he is breach. At my 20 week ultra sound he was just as stubborn as ever - bottom on my cervix, legs and head up by my belly button. All of the other boys have been head down from the first time we have seen them. Praying he gets that way soon.
• Super excited about our bed room remodeling!
• Trying to ward of the frustration of living in a house while remodeling. The mess is horrendous.
• Have gained 15 pounds in 22 weeks.
• So excited that Dave only has to work 4 days next week!
• Preparing for our Iowa vacation in two weeks.
• Can hardly believe the deep and insightful spiritual questions my 4 year old has been asking every day.
• Trying to convince the boys that they can not live in the pool.
• Summer's official arrival brought with it a crazy heat wave!
• Which quickly brought me to the conclusion that, no, swimming suits that fit me pre pregnancy can NOT just stretch...
• Maternity swim suit form Old Navy is on it's way as we speak. :)
• finding it difficult to muster up any kind of motivation to cook when it is this hot.
• Love pouring over paint chips. I'm obsessed with paint colors - and their names intrigue me. Right now I think I have decided on 'baked bean', 'cocoa pecan', and 'coffee kiss' for bedroom colors. Really warm rich colors that make me so happy.
• Taking K to Physical and occupational therapy today - as we will each Wednesday through out the summer.
• So proud of how hard K works and how much he loves his therapy. He loves Wednesdays!
• Taking inventory of what we will need for baby.
• After going through 6 1/2 years and 3 boys, much of what we have is not fit for another baby.
• Wasting spending alot of time looking at baby stuff on line.
• Slightly obsessed with blue and brown color combinations. Like this nursing cover and this baby sling and these delicious baby shoes. Not that I would want to eat them - but really, aren't they just adorable?!! Oh - and this bedding set. :)
• Making a paper chain with Jay today. One link for each week until baby is due. :) Only 18 links to make.
• Loving this picture.
• Off to cut and tape a paper chain...

2009 - the year of the scarf

I apologize for the very poor quality of the video - and the audio being delayed like it is. I have to make low quality videos because the good quality ones give me so much trouble uploading. Not sure what is up with that, but hopefully I will figure it out before I do another vlog post.

I wish there was another word for random - which still held all of the definitions that random does - that I could use. Random is too over used -

Some times I fantasize that I am by the ocean. Basking in the hot sun. And the quiet. The lovely quiet. I dream that there are not a bazillion demands on me all at once. In my day dream there are not truck loads of snot being distributed through out the house. No stubborn fevers. Certainly no miserable boys who are just well enough to get ornery, but still sick enough to be even more ornery. If they would be there, they would definitely be blowing their own noses. They would not be saying "mom, I need you to wipe my nose!" every 5 seconds - even though the tissues have been put on their level so they can take care of things themselves. Yes, I am having a lazy day. I am not feeling particularly servant minded today. And I guess if my relaxing little scenario were to come true I would also be missing out on a thing or two. Like the note I came home to last night, after every one was in bed, that said "Jay wants a kiss". And the sweet half asleep boyish smile that I was met with when I complied with said note. The "cuddle mommy, cuddle. No feel good mommy!" From Noe this morning and the 20 minutes of heartwarming closeness that followed. I guess in the end, I would not choose the lazy life. Still, a little less snot would be appreciated at this point. Onto non snot related content - If Dave and I are still healthy tomorrow we are going to hang out all afternoon to celebrate my birthday. There is no other way I would rather celebrate than hanging out with him. Being silly, getting some time to talk in the midst of our busy lives, - just togetherness. We are going bowling - which is what we did on our first date. :) Good times. We are going to the mall and out to dinner too. He has also been asked to do a guest post tomorrow - we'll see if that works out. :) I'm really excited about starting my photo blog tomorrow - where I will be posting a picture to represent the treasure in each (er... most ) day of my 29th year. I've had the blog design up and every thing ready to go - just waiting for my 28th birthday for a starting point to begin the photo documentation of this next year. I'm so excited about starting another year! I wonder what all is ahead for us this year, what new things I will learn, and how God will use me. Some quick bloggy business and great appreciation as I close - The comments that have been left on the last few posts I have written have meant the world to me. I have felt so much encouragement and support pouring from all of you! Do you have any idea how important that is to me? Thank you! Also, you sure know how to make a girl feel good about a haircut! In the last couple of months I have received some sweet and meaningful recognition in the form of blog awards. Thank you. It truly has meant alot to me. Really. I know that it may not have seemed so since I have not acknowledged these awards on my blog. A couple of reasons. First - if I do not immediately act on the award given right when I see it, I will likely absolutely forget. And then, at a later date, I will try to acknowledge it and won't be able to find the post where it was originally given. Hypothetically. Second - I sometimes have a hard time coming up with a tactful way to post these awards. I sometimes feel like it comes across like "oh, look at me, people like me and I am now broadcasting it." Just seems a bit selfish. If you have passed an award on to me recently please know that you have touched me in a very special way by your affirmation. My love language is words of affirmation and it truly speaks volumes to me when you acknowledge, with your words, some thing that you have enjoyed from my writing. Oh - and a couple of more things. I'm really excited about making my mom's home made granola recipe that I haven't had in years and years. I will be posting the recipe to my recipe blog soon. And I am going to be driving Dave's (manual transmission) truck on my birthday date. Because I want to push myself to do stuff I don't necessarily want to do. Makes lots of sense huh?

This is my 195th post. Crazy isn't it? On March 6th I will have been blogging for a whole year.

Well wasn't this all rather haphazard.

Unsystematic even.

Kind of lacking regularity or a pattern.

Who am I kidding. Random is just such a darn great term...

Oh - I almost forgot. My dear friend Rachel is hosting a blog carnival. It's about scarves, and I have been a little scarf obsessed lately. Click on this button to find out more. If you haven't been to my Rachel friend's blog yet, you should. You'll love her!

Speaking of Rachel, her birthday is also in February and I'm sure one or both of us will be blogging about our annual Red Lobster birthday dinner. And I'm sure you will all be on the edge of your seats till we do! ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

The freedom to be imperfect

I'm not sure when it started because it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. It has paralyzed me, rendered me ineffective, and robbed me of exciting experiences and relationships. It is the fear of trying something new. The unknown. What if I fail? Worse yet, what if I fail and some one observes this failure? What will they think? What kind of a reputation will I have? What if people find out that *gasp* I'm imperfect? I know, I know - that is where it got laughable. There should be no fear in something that is already obvious! :) We are all imperfect, and any one who has spent any amount of time with me knows that I can most definitely be included in that statement. Why is it so scary to be normal? Imperfect. I don't know all of the reasons, but I know that pride is at the root of so much of that fear. I have experienced alot of promptings in the past couple of years to leave some security blankets of comfort behind. To reach into the unknown and hold tightly to the hand of one who has promised to never let me go. Status: It is still a frequent struggle to have the faith needed to lay aside security, control, comfort, and the desire to have every one like me (stop laughing! - some of us take an unreasonable amount of time to learn things others get in elementary school)... and delve into the unfamiliar. I might fall on my face. I might realize I need to learn some stuff before I continue. I might encounter some people who just plain don't like me. Some one might see me with out make up. And that's okay. This is a very foreign train of thought for me. I am as insecure as the winter is long. But can I just tell you how amazing it is to allow God to urge me onto paths that show me how big He is and how capable I am through Him? This year I am going to:

Finally become comfortable driving a stick shift vehicle, and allow Dave to help with that Speak my mind when feeling the conviction of prompting, and not apologize for it Give myself more completely to the women I counsel at the crisis pregnancy center. Speak God's truth into their lives at all costs Work with teenagers at church Admit to my weaknesses and seek help where I need it Sew a dress Start writing a book Go deeper into God's Word Learn to play some sports (seriously, I so rarely have played any kind of sports that I'm pathetically freaked when I'm asked to join a game) Pursue some vocal training Sing alot Dance like crazy Be more consistent in my parenting Hug people often Eat sushi

Raise my hands during worship (oh yeah, my Baptist friends, you heard me - raise my hands!) Take all three boys out more (I can handle it, I can handle it...)

Have people over more

Give more

Read some classics

Be an encouraging cheer leader in Dave's journey through imperfection

Take some photagraphy classes

Spend time at a homeless shelter

Learn more about politics

Call people when they come to my mind

Let myself fail... and even look stupid

And so much more...so, so much more.

Spring just seems a little bit more tangible today

This is me realizing that I can not change the bone chilling cold which is causing us to be house bound. I can not change the snow mountains that are closing in on us and the snow that continues to fall. I can not change the fact that this winter seems to be lasting several years. But there are some things that I can change.

I started with my hair.

Before

After

Let me just say - I am feeling so much lighter today friends! I love it. :)

To every thing there is a season

Some times in the midst of this I can't help but think of this

Green grass, blue sky, and bare feet tantalize me this time of year.

My sense of humor may be slightly hindered by my present circumstances

Maybe it is the extreme lack of sleep. Perhaps the sickness which has taken so much out of me. Perhaps the weakness due to having no appetite for 3 days...but when my friend Angel sent this email to me today I could not stop laughing.

Subject: Always check your children's homework

(Here's the reply the teacher received the following day)

Dear Mrs. Jones, I wish to clarify that I am not now, nor have I ever been, an exotic dancer. I work at Home Depot and I told my daughter how hectic it was last week before the blizzard hit. I told her we sold out every single shovel we had, and then I found one more in the back room, and that several people were fighting over who would get it. Her picture doesn't show me dancing around a pole. It's supposed to depict me selling the last snow shovel we had at Home Depot. From now on I will remember to check her homework more thoroughly before she turns it in. Sincerely, Mrs. Smith

{My world right now)

Hello {what used to be our} sidewalk and {what is now} a foot of snow.

Hello dirty and slightly broken window in our wood shed. I saw you and thought you were looking uniquely picturesque with the large snow covered tree through your glass.

Hello home. I have always fancied you with a bit of a gingerbread house aura. Today more than ever. How warm and inviting you look! And what thick frosting you have!

Hello little boys having so much fun together on this snow day. You all look so darn cute. Your adorability belies the whining and fighting that has punctuated our day. Soon I will dress you all in so many layers you will lose your balance and we will jump into one of those cold fluffy mountains.

Hello three year old. When Mommy begins talking about our house being a gingerbread house it is only because she has entered her own little world of sugar plum fairies. Our furniture isn't really edible. My apologies for leading you astray. You, my darling, are simply scrumptious though.

Hello idealistic expectations. You propel me to aspire to creating these with my angelic little boys this afternoon. The end result will more than likely not be the sweet little picture of family creating that dances in my head. But I will hold on to it as long as I can.

Hello Bloggy friends. I hope this day finds you warm, happy, full of anticipation, and ready for the mistletoe.

Honesty

Another bloggy award - only this one is a bit of a double edged sword. :) Sweet Katarina passed this on to me. I suppose it is a compliment, but alas, I have still been putting it off because of the stipulations attached to it. The award is given to those who are particularly honest on their blog. I feel honored to be considered authentic. But... Along with the award one must post 10 honest things about themselves. Now I could try to translate what "honest" means in whatever way I want - like I could honestly say I really like chocolate, but I know that is not quite what the rules mean. So that may be considered deceptive. And then I would have to give the award back. And I'd probably cry. So - these must be things that are not easy to admit. Here I go. Trying to be as candid as possible. 1) I have been know to be a little bit very forgetful. To the point of sending my child off to preschool on the bus with out shoes one day. oh yes. I did.

2) I enjoy plucking my eyebrows.

3) Although I am quite picky about what my kids watch (It's usually just PBS or Christan DVDs) I'm not terribly picky about how much they watch.

4) For shoes that I deem cute enough, I would endure pain for an indefinite amount of time.

5) I get more nervous about talking to some one I don't know well, in a one on one setting, than public speaking to a crowd.

6) I struggle with discipline and consistency in pretty much every area you can name.

7) I am afraid to open up to people and love them completely because: a) I am terrified that after getting to know me they will not like me at all, b) I am afraid they will hurt me, and c) I am afraid I will lose them.

8) I am way too protective of my kids.

9) I get jealous sometimes. Like a junior higher.

10) There are some clothing items I have to shop for in the girls section. And it's not a good thing. They are not items a grown woman would want to shop for in the girls section.

Okay. Doesn't get a whole lot more honest than that friends. Now we really are friends. 'Cause only my friends know that stuff. :)

Now a few of you are going to have to stop laughing, because you are going to do it too. :) I am supposed to tag 7 to 10 people, but I'm going to just do 3 today, because I am feeling particularly kind today and I am in a hurry. :)

These friends do a great job at opening up in a very honest manner.

Kristy at Yellow House Diaries

Sara at Greetings from Butterville

Rachel at in the Waiting

Aren't you so glad that you have been honest?! Now you get to be even more honest! :) Well, you are very welcome!

Been looking for a cleaning crew?

Charge: 2 pennies each (Plus diaper changes for the littlest one as needed).

Some of the work may need to be re-done, but the entertainment value is priceless.

Besides a clean (ish) bathroom you also get to see eyes shining with the satisfaction of accomplishment and cuddle breaks.

Pretty good deal eh?

Dare to Wear

Okay, so I wasn't going to do this, because I knew my "dare to wear" would be oh-so-mild compared to others. :) BUT - I do love fashion, so just for fun - here goes. :)

Fellow blogger Mama Belle is hosting a "Dare to Wear" challenge today. The idea behind it is basically to wear something you normally wouldn't because you either think it's too young for you, too daring, or out of character for you. Sounds like fun doesn't it? :)

Leggings were very in when I was a kid - in the 80's. I didn't wear them then. When I saw they were making a come back I laughed. My sister Trish and I laughed about it together. "For sure we won't do that trend!! HAHA!"

Sarah became quite convincing in her legging wearing bravery.

I thought about it.

I bought some.

They stayed in my drawer for a few months.

Then I bought this little jumper and paired it with the leggings. One word came to my mind as I wore them through out the day:

"COMFY"!!

I Love them (Sorry Trish...).

One word came to my {Boss/mom/friend} Kathy's mind when I showed up at work wearing this:

"Elf"

Yes, she told me that I looked like an elf. Now I am going to try to modify the outfit by finding some red and green tights with candy canes on them and pointed shoes.

So, there you have it. I know - not a big bold "Dare to Wear" move, but a new fashion endeavor for me any way. :) Have fun checking out mama Belle's blog today and seeing those who have linked up to do Dare to Wear. :)