When a boy smiled at a girl

Once a boy smiled at a girl.

And she felt her heart flutter a little bit - because she had been waiting for it.

His smile could light up a room.

And it for sure lit up her heart.

And from that smile a whole new world opened up.

And the boy who smiled at that girl made her his wife.

And they were happy.

Really, really happy.

And there were alot more smiles from that boy to that girl.

And pretty soon lots of little people filled their house up {Because we all know that's how little people start}.

And added more smiles.

And then one day another boy smiled at that girl.

It was a beautiful smile.

And she felt her heart flutter a little bit - because she had been waiting for it.

His smile could light up a room.

And it for sure lit up her heart.

There may be a phrase in this post that makes you want to wash your eyes after they see it...

Can you be run down, exhausted, battling frustration and love your life all at the same time?? I'm going on the record as saying a big fat Yes!

I have a cold. The "I'm not really sick, no fever- therefore I don't get to stay in bed, but kinda miserable enough to want to cut my head off" kind of head cold.

I'm tired. I'm tired of potty training regression. An almost three year old who SO knows better and still insists on going to the bathroom IN THE FRONT PORCH. -Even when it takes longer to walk to the front porch than the bathroom. HELLO little buddy - MOMMY DOESN'T HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR THIS RIGHT NOW!! So, I am doing what any, at the end of her rope sane, mild mannered, patient mommy would do.
Putting him back in diapers.
Okay, just don't judge. I loathe cleaning poop out of underwear. Until he is really really ready, we just aren't doing this anymore.

I have so many goals each day that do not get met. And that has been hard for me. But how can I get the floors vacuumed and mopped, the shopping done, professional looking cookies baked and decorated (hahahaha!), when I am cleaning all matter of grossness from my body, their bodies, and the floor? Sometimes it's when they don't make it to the bathroom, sometimes it's when I forget to grab a burp cloth - but so often in my day I am cleaning up, mopping up, scrubbing... stuff (and I really am trying to avoid using the phrase "cleaning poop out of underwear" again, because I know when you read that phrase in the previous paragraph you grimaced and wished you had never read that).

And here is what is hard to understand: I absolutely love my life! I am crazy about these boys. I would clean up all sorts of nasty for the rest of my life if it meant I could be close to them, be the one who gets the home made ornaments, be the receiver of little boy hugs and sloppy kisses, be their mommy!

On days when I feel the need to throw something or yell really really loud (wow, that would feel good!) I just need to reflect on how much I love this. How I chose this and would choose it all over again. How many people would give any thing for this -(well, minus the bodily function in the article of clothing...). How privileged I am.

Welcome to my contradictory life. Thank you for being a part of this segment of time where I am reminding myself how much I love it. I'll check back later. I have some laundry to tend to... you know, those things with that stuff in them.

Thanksgiving weekend {2009}

I started writing a "thankful" post the day before thanksgiving.
I re-read it and it just fell so short of what was really in my heart.
It was so cliche.
It was "Oh, I am so thankful for my wonderful family..etc...etc..."
Nice stuff really, it just did not even come close to expressing the depth of true gratitude. At best it was - shallow.
For some reason I could not find the right words to bring what was in my heart to life. I just couldn't.
I was going to publish it anyway, but my computer started having all sorts of issues and it ended up lost any way.
What it really comes down to is my heart overflowing.
A God who has surprised me with grace and a measure of joy that really can not be quantified.
So, now I will simply share my heart through my camera lens. I didn't get any pictures of our actual Thanksgiving day, but let me tell you - it was just right! The 6 of us relaxed together, watched the parade, had Dave's famous breakfast pizza, then in the afternoon went over to the home of some new friends. Truly lovely! It was so relaxing.

Here is the rest of our Thanksgiving weekend!

So much better than "less yucky" - because God generally goes beyond "less yucky" when blog readers pray

Wow is there alot going on in my heart! Changes. Good things that needed to happen. And let me just say - I know these good things would not taken place if life wouldn't have taken that yucky curve I recently talked about...

Re-prioritizing life can be a very good thing indeed. Painful though it may be - it can be so refreshing.

We are still in the midst of some decision making on many fronts, but I feel like a great measure of peace has returned to our household.

We had a much needed, calm, laid back weekend. It was just as wonderful as it sounds.

Dave was home Friday through Sunday and we planned nothing for those three days except a few fun things and church on Sunday (which is fun too. Not like - fun things, and then the obligatory church attendance). :) That just did wonders for us, for our relationship, for our state of mind, and for our family.

Now is where I throw out the accusations about my blog readers. SOME of you must have been praying. When I wrote about the yuckies I was experiencing I was in a bit of a low state of mind. Shortly thereafter I just felt this gentle shifting - and it could only be that of answered prayer. So, whoever you are, thank you so much. Really. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I did my fair share of praying too - but in my exhaustion and discouragement I hardly knew what to pray for.

Dave and I literally had hours where we were finally able to get caught up on everything going on in each others lives, decisions that needed to be discussed, and conversations that were overdue. Do you know how good that feels? I hope so!

We even had a little stay home date after 3 of the boys went to bed Friday night. We watched a movie (Paul Blart, Mall Cop) shared some popcorn, and had a couple of laughs. It felt normal and good and like "us" again.

As for Baby Kai's tummy troubles we are still in process of figuring things out and trying to find solutions. Over the past 18 hours I did a little experiment hoping to get a few answers. I put Kai on the Alimenten formula, for babies who are colicky, have dairy and other allergies, and digestive issues. My understanding is that this is pretty much the best formula you could get for a baby with sensitivity.

Well, I got some answers - although it was different than I expected. The bad news: there isn't going to be a quick fix for our poor little guy's issues. The good news: I don't think what I eat was really affecting him much at all. He had the exact same symptoms on the specialized formula as he had when I was nursing him. It seems it is not content that is bothering him, but more of perhaps an immature digestive system or something along those lines.

I have to say that although I had hoped the formula would be a simple and "magical" fix for it all, I was relieved. Relieved that it wasn't my milk bothering him, relieved to at least KNOW something, and especially relieved that I didn't have to stop nursing. I did not want to stop - at all, but was willing to if it would help him. It was so great to put the bottles away this morning and have a nursing/cuddling session. He was pretty happy about it too. He didn't love the bottle. He thought it was pretty evil at first. :) When he got really hungry he took it fine, but it took some real convincing to begin with. Those 7 formula feedings were pretty long. First I had to convince him that the bottle was really okay, than I had to wait for him to get the hang of it and actually eat. I didn't know how much he was eating while being nursed, so that took tweaking, then I had to pump, to keep up my milk supply in case things turned out - well, the way they did turn out.

So, now we move on to the next thing on our list of "hopeful solutions". I have another chiropractor contact who I will be calling today to discuss whether or not he thinks adjusting Malachi will help with his digestion. I am hopeful about this option.

All of our boys have had a degree of reflux or some issues with digestion. K projectile vomited all the time and was on three different meds for it. It took him about a year and a half to get over that. Jay had colic. Plain and simple colic. Tension, arching his back, screaming loudly, but not a whole lot of spitting up. Just to remember it makes me shudder... Fortunately it only lasted about 3 months. Noe had some reflux, but only for a couple of weeks. Now with Kai, he isn't overly fussy most of the time, just alot of this spitting up, choking, sputtering, gagging stuff. Looking back over my experiences I can see that once they got a little bit older they did so much better. My guess is that we will be able to figure a few things out to make it better, but we will probably just have to wait it out before it is completely resolved. Just hang in there time...

On the financial front, we are in a time of waiting. We will find out in a couple of weeks whether things will be changing or staying as they are. God is using this time to teach us so much about him, about faith, about losing some security to rely on him, and being the best stewards we can be with what he has given us.

Once we know more we will be deciding if another part time job needs to be added to our workload, what other changes need to be made, and what that will all mean for our family. Until we are there though, we will not borrow any worries. {That is a big step for me by the way - the whole not worrying thing. And boy, I am all about security, so I am learning a.lot!}

K has been doing great and tomorrow will be his first try at an all day school day. We are all excited to see how he will do. This will open alot more doors of opportunity for his learning and progress. His sleepiness, due to the medication combination he is currently on to prevent seizures, seems to be able to be moderated well with some early bed times and a little extra sleep.

All is not perfect in my world, and it just won't be, but all is pleasantly improved at the moment and I didn't want the day to go by with out sharing that. :)

{He &hearts 's cardboard}

Our poor deprived children have no toys. Sadly, they must resort to the desperation of playing with a box.

The yucky ones

Some days I feel so blessed

so full

so amazed

so joyful

Life feels just right.

And then...

Well, then there are the days that are just plain - yucky.

You know the ones... yucky really is the only {G-rated} word that you can use to describe them.

And boy oh boy have I had a few of those lately.

Those days when you find out that financial changes are coming and you may have to be very creative to make ends meet...

When you suspect that this may cause many changes and you may just have to give up some things that will be very hard to give up. {And change is not something you love.}

When schedules and priorities have to be rearranged.

When you find out there is so very little that you can eat that does not cause your sweet little baby to spit up and choke - and spit up, and then do it some more - every two hours - at every feeding. This becomes especially exhausting at night when you must stay alert after feedings to make sure that your sweet little baby is not choking - but is indeed breathing.

And that becomes really hard. Like, really, really hard. When you are hungry, but knowing that what you put into your body so affects another precious little body, you just stand at the fridge wondering...

And decisions have to be made - like do you need to stop nursing and get the specialized {expensive} formula for babies with really sensitive tummys and possible allergies... And for some reason it just makes you terribly emotional.

When you notice that communication is just not happening well between you and your husband. And little things begin to crumble because of it. And it doesn't feel good. {At all.}

When you are too exhausted to fix things.

When you know you need to talk. And you are way backed up on things that need to be talked about, but this season in life is just full of tired and so full of little ones needing so much. And when the little ones are all tucked in for the night and all is finally taken care of, well - one {or two} of you is asleep.

When you try to prevent your child's seizures by a combination of medications which end up making him sleepy. Sleepy is not good when you are finally preparing to extend his school day by 3 more hours. Too sleepy is an overdose. Not enough medication could stop preventing seizures...

A rock and a hard place.

When you want, so badly, to be intentional in your parenting. to nurture your children spiritually. To focus on their hearts. And you notice that lately all you have been doing is meeting their physical needs. You see they are always fed, have clean clothes, are taken to the bathroom, but beyond that you begin to feel you may be failing them.

And it is hard. And you have to combat the guilt. And you have to just fall to your knees. And you must realize that tomorrow is another day. And hope that it will be less yucky.

Because sometimes hoping for less yucky is such a vast improvement...

But those yucky days, those are the days that your true character comes out. When God shows you the ugly stuff that needs cleaned out. And you know that you would not know what to purge if you were not shown {the yucky}.

And you realize this is only a season. And some day you will look back and see it as a growing season.

I &hearts faces - "Autumn Beauty"

Today the theme for the I ♥ faces photography blog is "Autumn Beauty". How fun is that?! I had so many ideas for going out and taking some pictures, but I just didn't have the time or energy to get it done by the dead line, so I am submitting one from last year. One of my very favorites!! Lil' Noe is fully enjoying the wonderful leaf pile. {Wow has he grown alot in the last year!!}

Autumn has got to be the most beautiful season ever. And when you add faces to the beauty, as is a requirement in most of the photos submitted to the I ♥ faces blog, it is even that much more beautiful!