Thursday, February 5, 2009

 The freedom to be imperfect

I'm not sure when it started because it's been a part of me for as long as I can remember. It has paralyzed me, rendered me ineffective, and robbed me of exciting experiences and relationships. It is the fear of trying something new. The unknown. What if I fail? Worse yet, what if I fail and some one observes this failure? What will they think? What kind of a reputation will I have? What if people find out that *gasp* I'm imperfect? I know, I know - that is where it got laughable. There should be no fear in something that is already obvious! :) We are all imperfect, and any one who has spent any amount of time with me knows that I can most definitely be included in that statement. Why is it so scary to be normal? Imperfect. I don't know all of the reasons, but I know that pride is at the root of so much of that fear. I have experienced alot of promptings in the past couple of years to leave some security blankets of comfort behind. To reach into the unknown and hold tightly to the hand of one who has promised to never let me go. Status: It is still a frequent struggle to have the faith needed to lay aside security, control, comfort, and the desire to have every one like me (stop laughing! - some of us take an unreasonable amount of time to learn things others get in elementary school)... and delve into the unfamiliar. I might fall on my face. I might realize I need to learn some stuff before I continue. I might encounter some people who just plain don't like me. Some one might see me with out make up. And that's okay. This is a very foreign train of thought for me. I am as insecure as the winter is long. But can I just tell you how amazing it is to allow God to urge me onto paths that show me how big He is and how capable I am through Him? This year I am going to:

Finally become comfortable driving a stick shift vehicle, and allow Dave to help with that Speak my mind when feeling the conviction of prompting, and not apologize for it Give myself more completely to the women I counsel at the crisis pregnancy center. Speak God's truth into their lives at all costs Work with teenagers at church Admit to my weaknesses and seek help where I need it Sew a dress Start writing a book Go deeper into God's Word Learn to play some sports (seriously, I so rarely have played any kind of sports that I'm pathetically freaked when I'm asked to join a game) Pursue some vocal training Sing alot Dance like crazy Be more consistent in my parenting Hug people often Eat sushi

Raise my hands during worship (oh yeah, my Baptist friends, you heard me - raise my hands!) Take all three boys out more (I can handle it, I can handle it...)

Have people over more

Give more

Read some classics

Be an encouraging cheer leader in Dave's journey through imperfection

Take some photagraphy classes

Spend time at a homeless shelter

Learn more about politics

Call people when they come to my mind

Let myself fail... and even look stupid

And so much more...so, so much more.

25 comments:

Tabitha in Bliss said...

These are wonderful things you are setting out to do. :)

Mel said...

That is an amazing list, and I want you to know you can laugh at this it is ok, there was a time in my life where I really believed I used up all my mistakes for a lifetime and that I was not allowed not even one single misstep...

So your title and words touch me deeply.

Leslie said...

Wendi,
Im so with you on this list, big time. I don't have one of my own written just rattling around in my head. Some of ours are similar.
This year Im working on writing a book, and sewing a dress, I also want to get back serving at a homeless shelter.

What is it that makes failure so scary, only when we know someone is watching. The reality is we are failing by not trying... but then its our secret huh... :)

Praying for us both!

Noah and Ryders Mommy said...

I can totally relate to this post...totally!! And I love all the ventures and goals you have set for yourself...I might just follow along with you on a few of them ;) Thanks for this Post, Wendi I believe God has been working through you to so many of us out here who can really take words like this and apply it to every day life!!

Lots of love my friend and many prayers are with you on this road to imperfection :D

Becky said...

I'm excited to be able to witness some of these aspirations. You are going to do so well, Wendi. I am so uplifted by you and your spirit. So thankful to call you my friend. Love you! (Oh, yeah, you know you will be huggin' me, right?!?!)

Rachel said...

So with you on this, Wendi. I was the kid that cried when she didn't do something right the first time...and then I became an adult who has to FORCE herself to try new things despite the massive fear that it might not go perfectly.

Your list is awesome and you are brave for posting it - I have one but usually don't talk about it so that when (if) I fail nobody will know! HA! Seriously, though, if you do take a photography class I would love to do that with you because I am dying to learn how to take better pictures :) And I would also love to spend some time with you!

Stacey said...

Wow!! Go Wendi!! I would like to do several of those things too!!!

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Shoot. I thought you were perfect.

Eat sushi and dance like crazy are a must!

Melissa said...

AS many others have said that is a wonderful list you have shared. Brave of you! And yet so many of us agree with your words. You speak sofreely and honesty. Your doing an AWESOME job with your blog in ministering to so many. I will be with you on quite a few on your list ~~ may the Lord be with us!

Arlona Mc said...

I am so glad that finally you are thinking about writing a book. God has given you a wonderful gift of meaningful words and experiences and I know that you will bring Glory to Him as you pursue this. I would love to be your "proof reader". Love, Mom Mc

MoziEsmé said...

You are brave - those are some great goals. I have a pride issue myself - I hate the idea of falling on my face... But God is working. Keep us in the loop on how your goals go!

BaronessBlack said...

You're a very accomplished lady and I'm sure you'll learn a lot with this, and probably succeed in ways that you hadn't thought possible!
I've only ever driven stick shift cars so I don't know any different!
But then I wouldn't know how to go about doing some of the things you do everyday!
Fantastic post!

Amie said...

Those fears are mine, too. I purposely went out w/out make-up a few times just to get used to the idea that no one's eyes would burn out if they saw me. And I fall over and over by loving the praise of "man" (others).

I just love how real this post is.

Heather of the EO said...

I have to email you later when I get a chance. I've had a light bulb moment reading this and thinking over both of our posts on this topic. Sheesh, we're alike. Right down to the stick shift thing. But I might add parallel parking too. Hate it. Avoid it. And I'm not even that bad at it. But now I'm just rambling...

I'll email you later :)

photomama said...

What a list, enjoy your journey.

heresmycuplord said...

I sooo relate to this post, and you may have no idea how many people you will reach through your words.

As someone who has and is still learning this process with you, I encourage you to KNOW who you are in Him and continue to press on.

My fave in all your goals would be in your closing. So, let yourself fail and yes, when He picks you up, you WILL move forward at an even greater distance!

Thanks for speaking in truth, for visiting, and leaving your comments.

Hope to see you around soon.

Ginger

Lois Lane II said...

Raise those hands (says the Southern Baptist)! ;) Great list!

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

What an awesome list! I am confident that you will accomplish much this year. I would love to hear more about your book.

You may not be perfect but you are perfectly adorable! :)

Rachel said...

Wow Wendi, it sounds like we have the exact same list (except for the sushi part - tried it once and YUCK!). :)

Even though I am attending a Spirit-filled church now, I STILL have trouble raising my hands in worship because I've been in such a traditional church for so long. And it has nothing to do with my not wanting to, I'm just worried what people will think because I've been in that mindset for so long (but that proves your exact point of pride: what will people think of ME??).

I'm very excited for you and this journey God is about to take you on. I can't wait to hear/read about all the wonderful things He's going to do in you and through you. :)

Hope you have a great Friday!

Amanda said...

the freedom to be imperfect...that thought is now rolling around in my head...how often i am striving to be something that i am not...to present a facade of perfection...and it stinks. being imperfect (even embarassingly so) would be so much more fun at times. your list, your words, your thoughts are truly making me think. oh that God would grant me the grace to embrace the safety of His arms...the beauty of His perfect love in the midst of our imperfection...

Debbie said...

This looks like a great list. I can't wait to hear about your accomplishments.

Sarah M. said...

Kudos on the manual transmission! I know you can do it, you came thru in a pinch for me with a manual transmission!

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

You are so beautiful and inspiring. What a wonderful list. I have a book on my shelf called the Relief of Imperfection...I bought it from Lifeway 2 years ago and never read it...why??? I so need to read it.

jennifer said...

i have an award for you at my blog today!

xoxo!

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Since we share a brain, you know that I am absolutely paralyzed by so many things, too. And so many things on that list...wow. Me too, girl, me too. Too bad we don't live a bit closer, we could go and be brave together. ;)