{Love}

I know - all the eye rollers who are making it known that today is set aside for $ and silliness….

It's true, probably.

But I still woke up today WAY overwhelmed with how honored and privileged I am to love and be loved by this man.

I don't know how or why I ever became the recipient of such blessings. But I think God is beginning to open my eyes more and more to the way he loves… extravagantly. And let me tell you - he is using this guy to show me how HE loves.

I'm such a lucky girl.

Snapshots of a {♥} day

I used to stress about my role as a wife and mom- as in, thinking that I had to have it all, do it all, and put a cherry on top. I would read Proverbs 31 and immediately begin to sweat.

Images of some unrealistic composite of Martha Stewart, Mother Theresa, and a compilation of personal friends, who I admire and/or am jealous of would dance in my head and taunt me of all that I am not.

And then, through a series of small, large, and freeing events, I began to truly see that God made me unique.

Me.

Wendi.

 I am not Theresa, or Martha, or super organized, remembers snack day more than 2 hours before preschool lady. I'm not.

I re-read Proverbs 31, and several other Scriptures, and can honestly say that a new excitement and joy bubbled up inside of me.

I didn't feel condemnation, and exhaustion, and this "I'll never measure up" heaviness.

No, instead - I took away this message.

"Your job is to love. Love big and completely and without limits. Be warmth in your home. Use your gifts. Watch out for laziness, but don't push yourself for things you weren't designed for. 

Add color to your family's lives! Splash it all over. Surprise them. Be there for them. 

Be there.

Maybe the pots and pans all fall out of the cupboard when you open it. It's okay right now. There will be time to work on that some day. Right now? - Bang on the pots and pans with a wooden spoon when they fall out.

Giggle about pots and pans.

Put God's word all over your house. Paint it, speak it, proclaim it, live it. 

You will never, never, have victory over the dirt while your kids are young. It's okay. Keep it as tidy as you can, make it presentable - and then giggle at the dirt.

Draw smiley faces in the dust. 

Bring the light, bring the love, bring the color, bring the warmth. Let them remember you for this. It will be worth it. Every second."

And so, here I am - living that balance of being orderly and planning well, while not stressing and obsessing {trying, trying, trying...}. 

I am learning more and more how prominent my attitude and presence is in our home.

 I set the tone: I'm stressed: they're grumpy. 

I'm upset: they're nervous.

I'm living in freedom and Joy?? They are relaxed, open, loving. 

So here are a few snapshots of this sweet, colorful, life on our Valentines day.♥

 

On being community. And being festive. I like both.

Sometimes it's nice to just "be".

Be family.

Be friends.

Be community.

Be thankful {for freedoms so easily taken for granted}.


I'm making lists right now.

Many, many lists. Many miles, many meals, many details to plan for...


But for a minute I want to just be.

This is what our weekend looked like. It was very festive.

I think if I had more time on my hands (I don't know what that would even feel like) there would be alot more festive in my life. Like parties with fun decorations and coordinating foods. I would steal all of my ideas from Pinterest and it would be beautiful. ;)

I've been thinking alot about community lately. We are blessed. More blessed this year than we have been in some years past. There were some lonely years. Constant with babies and not alot else. Don't get me wrong, babies = good. It also can = a bit of isolation and alot of tired.

But now... God is doing something and I like it. Alot.

It's good for us, and it's good for our babies.

Knitting hearts, laughing, loving on each others kids, and being accountable. It's very good.

Festive.

Smiles.

Explosives.

What could be better than our babies sharing explosives? Nothing says community like that, eh? ;)

Oh wait, I know what's better.

A smokin' hot...

Fire.

Okay, back to lists. And piles. And lists. And packing. And not driving myself insane trying to take care of vacation details.

I'm going to forget something. And it's going to be okay.

I'm just going to repeat that over and over.

I'm sure there are stores where we are going.

{See, this is me not freaking out}

Until next time,

I hope your weekend was filled with thankfulness and alot of festive.

A happy one indeed

This morning Noe ran into my room at 6:45 {I am forgiving} and said "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!!". It was very sweet. 

I rolled over, in a very groggy state, and replied, "Thank you Noe! - Happy Mother's day to you too. You and your brothers made me a mom! Isn't that special?!"

He laughed. He looked at me with his little head cocked over to the right and said, "No we didn't mom. JESUS made you a mom!"

Indeed.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus. Thank you Jesus.

To my dear mommy Pat: You are the sweetest, most compassionate, loving and godly lady that I have had the privilege of knowing. I am humbled and grateful that God chose to gift me with you as a mother!

To my caring mother-in-law Arlona: I could never thank you enough for raising the man who brings me more joy than I ever could have imagined. Thank you especially for how much you are helping us out this year, while Dave is in school!!

To my wonderful {motherly} friend Kathy: You are a very important part of my life. I thank God for the influence you have had on me as a wife, a mother, and a Jesus following lady!

One could never do anything to deserve so many blessings! So I will just smile heavenward and accept the gifts. Because that is what they are. My boys and my mommies. Gifts...

And dear Jesus, please give my first little boy a very long hug today, because I miss him.

Pictures and blessings and signs of spring abound

Our Easter was colorful and simple.

It was so full of praise and worship that I find it carrying over into my today; my Monday {as well it should}.

Jay's smiles are very contagious. He did alot of smiling yesterday. His smiles didn't carry over to today as mine have, but I'll give him some time. He is only 6.

We put K's eggs on the deck, since it is harder for him to maneuver all over the yard like the other guys.

We only had to tell the other guys a couple of times to, "Stop getting the ones from the deck! Those are K's!"

And always, always - the necklace and playlist by his side {Always. No exceptions. Unless batteries are dead or necklace is lost}.

So handsome. My little men.

Who knew a girl could nearly drown in this feeling of being blessed. It's incredible.

"Wait, what?!" There's an egg over there! I'm coming! I'm coming! Don't tell Jay! He gets all the good eggs."

"Where? I don't see it. Where is it??"

Indeed. Jay does get most of the eggs. Precious Noe has inherited his dear mommy's absentmindedness. Poor baby. {He did eventually get it, in case you were all worried about that}

And while the baby boys were searching for eggs, and enjoying grandma and grandpa, mommy was doing some searching of her own.

Signs of spring friends!! Signs of spring.

{Bliss}

Easter in my heart

We're here and we are being a family and the minutes are full.

We have extra-special-Dave-breakfast on the weekends. Especially on long weekends like this one. He pampers us.

It's sun-shiny out so he is out. I love the springtime Dave with a little extra special, heart flip flopping love. Because he suddenly looks like a little boy {quite alot like a few little boys I am pretty close to}. He absolutely adores being out in the yard engaged in a bunch of different projects. -And we do have plenty to keep that little boy busy for just as long as he fancies.

I look at the grass that is turning more and more green each day {thankfulness} and it screams of redemption, beauty, all things becoming new and thriving and right again.

And that is where I am at. No big theological moments of clarity ready to pour out on the blog on this the most sacred and wonderful of holidays. No eloquence, weaving scripture and new discoveries. It's there; the Scripture pieces speaking to me, the light bulb moments. But mostly this year, this day, this Easter weekend - it's in the subtle every day.

We built things with blocks this morning. They wanted to me ohhh and ahhh over their creations. They wanted me to take pictures. They wanted to know they were good and admired and treasured. 

And these moments are when I hear it: "You are good {only because I have made you good} and you are treasured, and you are redeemed. Why would I have traded my life for every bad thing you ever thought/planned/carried out if I didn't love you infinitely?"

See, it's quiet, but it's powerful and it is a part of the seconds that tick through my day.

Doing laundry.

Washing clean...

Kissing boo-boos.

Making it all better...

Looking forward to egg decorating and hunts filled with discovery.

Look forward with great anticipation... discover me...

Going to a wedding shower.

You are the bride of Christ. Don't ever lose that glow...

Drawing me closer.

My heart feels dancy and light.

Being a part of this plan of redemption feels really big and wonderful.

As we participate in church services and reflect on the importance of the cross this weekend I feel wooed by the One we are celebrating. Like He is inviting me to see the bigger picture and cooperate with him in something really worth while.

where love is at

Webster's defines it this way:  

to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for

Love.


Today is pretty much the day that love finds itself written about, verbalized, and thought of in varying connotations.


There have been some Valentine's Days in my life when I have had expectations of flowers, maybe a card - sugary delights in one form or another.

I have wanted time with my husband in quantities that he may or may not have been able to conveniently give.



When I think about that definition 

...and those expectations
  
...and the marketing of all things fluffy and romanticized around me


it all just seems... shallow.



Don't misunderstand. Cards? YES! A favorite for sure.


Candy, 
    cuddling, 
       flowers, 
          sweetness, 
              pink, 
                 red, 
                    hearts, 
                      pretties, 
                         kisses,
                           hugs, 
                              sweet nothings?


Check "yes please" on all. Multiple times. 

And yet...

Perhaps it's the stage of life we find ourselves in.


Perhaps the necessity of facing end of life issues.


Perhaps just another step in the journey that God is guiding me through.


But this Valentine's Day I am seeing a completely different definition of all things LOVE.

What is it?

It  is  

Patient...    like calmly waiting on God's timing. Not forcing some one else to be something they aren't. Not trying to rush a process that only God can orchestrate. Patient.


Kind...    such a simple word, but with remarkable meaning. We talk about how important it is to be kind to others. We teach our kids to be kind to teachers, other kids, people in authority. Great, really. But do we practice this in our own homes, with our own spouses, in every day life? Those mundane moments when we are tired, hungry, overwhelmed, maybe even hormonal and grumpy? Kind.

It is not

Jealous...  like wondering what our spouse is thinking as that beautiful woman walks by. We know that God created beauty - and beauty can be appreciated, and LOVE says "I am secure in who God made me to be and I am secure in our love".  Love also is not jealous of their time. Love says, "Do you have an opportunity to love? To give? To bless some one or something other than me? Than do it! Do it with JOY and do it with my blessing and whole hearted support!" (Can I just say, these two things are so hard for me? This part of defining love always gets me...)

Boastful...  love doesn't look for all of the possible ways to make yourself look good. Quite the opposite.


Rude... snarky remarks, "teasing"... tearing down. Love isn't that. It's not even close to that.

It does not

Demand its own way...  haughty, coercing, manipulating - demanding. When we do these things, we are not loving.

Keep a record of being wronged...   no matter what. That means we don't throw it into their face every time we think they need to be knocked down a notch or two. "Well, you did this - therefore, I am entitled to that...  No. No record of wrongs.


It never gives up... like never ever. It can't. Because it is God and God is it, and God has placed THIS LOVE in our hearts.


Never loses faith, is always HOPEFUL, and endures through every circumstance.

Every circumstance! Do you get that? It's not fluffy and romanticized. 

It is real, tough, resilient, unyielding. 

You know that Crowder song -  "How He Loves?" To me that song paints one of the mot brilliant picture of this unyielding, true love. Imagine:

"Loves like a hurricane, I am the tree, bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy"


We can unleash love that strong!


It is "I will love you even though I don't like you right now"


It is "I will lay down my ideas/rights/expectations for you"


It is holding one another through the valley of the shadow


It is lifting a glass of water to their lips in sickness

It is taking care of more than your usual share of responsibilities so that they can get rest 




Tonight, on Valentines Day, I won't be seeing my sweetie until 11:00. I will likely be completely out (nearly comatose) - asleep after a long day, and he will be even more exhausted.


And truly, it is one of the most loving Valentines Days in my life to date.


Because he is out there working 8 hours to provide for our family. Out of love. And I finally get that.

And then he will be studying, picking boys up, settling them at home with his mom, and then going to classes, while I volunteer. All for us. All from love.


And Webster - well, he kind of got it right. Love is profoundly tender. It can result in passion - for sure. It is affectionate in nature.


But I'm standing on the true definition. The definitions that daily challenge me. Stare me in the eye and show me how weak I am - but how dignified and strong I can be if I follow that love. 

Right now, today, love is hearing about my family, 500 miles away from me, each taking turns to stand vigil by my grandma in her last days.


Exhausted, busy, sad, at times frustrated,


But still spoon feeding, patting, cleaning, speaking softly to an almost 90 year old woman who has spent hours loving each of us.


That's where it is at. 

Today, for me, love is in a small hospice room, 

behind a mop, 

and in a class room.

It is what it is.... and it wasn't very pretty

So, Christmas....

It  was.... um, well, how about you tell me about yours instead?

Okay,

it was disappointing. And to be honest... pretty miserable.

We traveled all day Christmas Eve, over 500 miles, in anticipation of a whole week with my family in Iowa.

And then we got sick.

I started it early Christmas morning. And spent all day Christmas day either in my parents bathroom, or crawling from the bathroom to the bedroom. It led to nasty dehydration, and then the sharing began. First Kai, then Jay, and Noe...

We were away form home - totally germing up my parent's home, and had to cancel half of the plans we had made for our Christmas vacation. Plans with siblings, Aunts, dear friends.... canceled because of a very uninvited, and quite nasty, stomach flu.

There were some sweet nuggets of time when we were able to enjoy family and special activities, and I am thankful for that.

Now we are home - Dave is sick in bed, and I am getting all of our laundry done and various bags unpacked (by various I mean approximately 27.5 bags of random needed items for a family of six to go on vacation for 7 days).

I was fighting some discouragement this morning.

What a Christmas. I love Christmas, and Christmas 2010 was so not what I had in mind.


What a way to end 2010. 


Why this? 

Why now? 

Why the one of about 3 times per year that I get to see my family, was I out of commission?

But then I had to ask myself, Why not us? and, Why not now?

Were we ever promised health through the holidays? Nope.

Were we ever promised more protection than others who must face sickness? Nope.

It's just one of those side effects. Side effects of all the yuck in the world.

Do I wish things would have gone differently? Why yessss.

But I have no control over it. And (my new motto) It is what it is.

It is not what I wish it was.

It is not what I dream up.

It is not what I plan.

It just is what it is. Reality. 


2010 was a year where I truly felt that the big lesson God was leading me to and teaching me through was a lesson in trusting him as it pertained to our finances. And, through his grace, I feel like my mind is finally wrapping around that one.

Okay God, yes, I see now. We are not going to know where it will come from. Some times I will have to blindly trust you for each and every bill, grocery visit, need, but it will always be there. Always always, through surprises all your own and of your orchestrating, the money will just be there.Trusting you, trusting you, trusting you.

I have a feeling, because he has already started this uncomfortable process in  my heart, that 2011 is going to be a year where He really brings home this lesson in reality. Acceptance of the things I have no control over. The things that I am just going to have to say, over and over, it is what it is. And He is going to help me to put a smile on my face, and look up to Him, and say "no" to the self pity that entices.

So for a trip that started in anticipation and neared an end in a McDonald's parking lot, scrubbing at the upholstery in a car seat with baby wipes and paper towels, it seems appropriate to start embracing this lesson, don't you think?

And let me just put out a big, loving shout out to my mom and dad, who had compassionate servant's hearts in caring for me and my littles as the most unpleasant of circumstances invaded their home for the holidays. A daughter can't repay something like that. So, thank you.

My favorite Thanksgiving photo

What great memories we made this Thanksgiving! We had a house full, which simply consisted of my family and my sister's family.

There's this thing about me and my sister: we are alot alike, right down to the fact that we both have boys. Lots of boys. Droves of cute boys.

From Wednesday night through Sunday morning my house was hoppin' with our seven boys...

And I must share my {as my three year old would say} most favoritest photo from our holiday weekend.

My sister Trish and my baby boy. They bonded big time.

I love it. When I look at this picture I just feel such gratitude. I love these two like crazy.

And now I have a house to clean. ;)

Living abundantly in a house full of walking, running, and grinning boys

I was doing the dishes after supper Tuesday night when I heard Dave coaxing our littlest one to his first independent steps.

To our left was our biggest boy, smiling, listening (and hearing), with a half grin on his face.

Two very active boys, all hyped up on Thanksgiving break giddiness, ran circles around every one of us.

Kai grinned, and giggled, and teetered...

and then he did it.

He’s been on the cusp of walking for a few weeks now, but hasn’t had the courage to release his hold and go for it.

Until that night.

If you are a mom – you know the feeling.

It’s this joy and “wow, he finally did it!” – so quickly followed by an ache.

Because last year at Thanksgiving time, although I was so very sleep deprived, I was in this blissful state of cuddling softness. I had a tiny bundle with the thickest darkest hair, who filled my heart with such a completeness.

But tonight I have a little boy who, like the others before him, is transitioning from complete dependence to navigating his world independently.

 Dave’s big smile clearly spoke of daddy pride. And I worked at keeping tears at bay.

These moments; these all the way happy and partially aching moments, define my joy. It’s the everyday, and the once in a lifetime milestones, and the sharing – being surrounded by the people who mean more to me than I ever thought possible, that seem to most aptly describe the abundant life.

Thank you God.

For showing me what it is to love and to be loved {The real kind}.

For pain.

For humbling me {by way of misspelled words, slow learning, and getting lost in close-by cities} – and then revealing the value in that.

For babies who grow up {gulp}.

For enlightening me in the beauty of changing seasons.

For a man who does not give up.

For coffee {you created the coffee bean and said it was good. I just know it}.

For a history that has been touched with grief {that I may minister to others who grieve}.

For all that you have redeemed, all that you are redeeming, and all that will ultimately be redeemed when the final chapter comes to a close.

You are good. All the time.

And I am thankful.

There's just nothing like...

...Being "home" for a summery vacation.

Small town 4th of July parades.

Smore's with grandparents and cousins who we have missed so and never see often enough.

Loving and being loved - a whole lot.

Blessed by the men in their life

I am so happy for my boys - because they are just blessed, blessed, blessed by their two grandpas and their amazing daddy! Their Michigan grandpa  and their Iowa grandpa are both SO loved for the things that make them uniquely who they are.

And as for their daddy - wow, he just continues to generously exceed my expectations daily at this being a dad thing. He is wonderful.

We had much to celebrate yesterday. And it was a good day.

This thing called motherhood...

I started thinking about it when I was very young.

In fact, I can't really remember a time that I didn't dream of one day

being a mommy.

I played with my dolls when I was a little 4 year old. 

Rocking my "babies" and pretending that they were real.

I started to babysit when I was a young 11.

I figured it was pretty much what motherhood would be like one day.

Wow did I have alot to learn.

Playing with dolls is a fun little fancy for a small girl.

Babysitting provides a small glimpse into the responsibility of parenting.

But nothing...

Nothing

 could have prepared me for the real thing.

Nobody told me that being a mom would show me all of the best and worst things about myself.

Nobody could have prepared me for the joy,

the guilt,

the awe,

the sleep deprivation,

the love,

the days when I wanted to quit,

the nights when I would've given anything near and dear to me for three or four consecutive hours of sleep,

the  heartbreak,

the excitement...

...and how insanely celebratory I would be over a three year old wearing undies all day and all night (perhaps it is not so much the wearing as the keeping them dry - but oh so celebratory).

Previous to this mommy-ing I thought I knew good. 

I thought I had a pretty decent idea of the best that life had to offer.

But I did not. 

Not until now.

Not until them.

Not until this.

Motherhood.

This is bigger than me.

It is more difficult than anything I have ever done in my life.

It takes strength I don't posses.

It  holds rewards I don't deserve.

It's no wonder it was designed, created, and given by God Himself.

Happy Mother's Day weekend!

2 homes

9:30 pm December 30th - After 11 hours of travel I am finally 30 miles from "home". My Michigan home that is. With every mile traveled I am that much closer to "home" ... and that much further from "home". Not being exactly sure of how to deal with the tired, the exhaustion, the confliction, the emotions, I slouch down in my small space (so snugly situated in the front seat of the truck between Dave in the drivers seat and Jay's booster seat), and give in to the tiny tears that have been threatening to fall. My muscles ache to stretch out and suddenly I feel way too closed in. Eleven hours is a long time to be so cramped. I love the people I am in such a small space with - but really, at 10 weeks, 3, 4, and 6 years old (and we couldn't forget 37) they are no longer happy about our journey either. We all want our beds. The week we spent with my family in Iowa was wonderful. Full of every thing that a holiday with people you really love should be. Coming home is a good thing too, but how to deal with the strange mingling of exhilaration for a new year with our happy family of six, and the ache of longing for what was my home for 20 years- my Iowa home, continues to pester me. I go through it every time - especially the times I go "home" for longer than 3 or 4 days. Old places, old friends, people who really get me - because they knew me forever, memories... all of these things can take hold of my heart and send it into a bit of a spin. 30 minutes though - in 30 minutes I will open the door to my home. The one that has become a part of me for almost nine years now. I will unload every thing but the kitchen sink - as it surely seemed that is what we had to bring for 6 people and 9 days. I will prepare 4 little boys for bed in the home where we welcomed each one of them into our family. The ache for my other home will still be there, but so will the excitement and joy that I have here. It's just a part of my life. Of course I will smile in the evening when I think of all the evenings I adopted the routine of having a cup of tea (or two or three) with my mom in my parents cozy home this past week. I will probably put the pot of water on to boil here in this home 500 miles away and know she is doing the same. I will hold the memories close and try to appreciate the good thing that I have instead of giving in to the ache. Because home is a good thing - a beautiful thing, and what could be better than having two?

Thanksgiving weekend {2009}

I started writing a "thankful" post the day before thanksgiving. I re-read it and it just fell so short of what was really in my heart. It was so cliche. It was "Oh, I am so thankful for my wonderful family..etc...etc..." Nice stuff really, it just did not even come close to expressing the depth of true gratitude. At best it was - shallow. For some reason I could not find the right words to bring what was in my heart to life. I just couldn't. I was going to publish it anyway, but my computer started having all sorts of issues and it ended up lost any way. What it really comes down to is my heart overflowing. A God who has surprised me with grace and a measure of joy that really can not be quantified. So, now I will simply share my heart through my camera lens. I didn't get any pictures of our actual Thanksgiving day, but let me tell you - it was just right! The 6 of us relaxed together, watched the parade, had Dave's famous breakfast pizza, then in the afternoon went over to the home of some new friends. Truly lovely! It was so relaxing. Here is the rest of our Thanksgiving weekend!