Thursday, December 31, 2009

 2 homes

9:30 pm December 30th - After 11 hours of travel I am finally 30 miles from "home". My Michigan home that is. With every mile traveled I am that much closer to "home" ... and that much further from "home". Not being exactly sure of how to deal with the tired, the exhaustion, the confliction, the emotions, I slouch down in my small space (so snugly situated in the front seat of the truck between Dave in the drivers seat and Jay's booster seat), and give in to the tiny tears that have been threatening to fall. My muscles ache to stretch out and suddenly I feel way too closed in. Eleven hours is a long time to be so cramped. I love the people I am in such a small space with - but really, at 10 weeks, 3, 4, and 6 years old (and we couldn't forget 37) they are no longer happy about our journey either. We all want our beds. The week we spent with my family in Iowa was wonderful. Full of every thing that a holiday with people you really love should be. Coming home is a good thing too, but how to deal with the strange mingling of exhilaration for a new year with our happy family of six, and the ache of longing for what was my home for 20 years- my Iowa home, continues to pester me. I go through it every time - especially the times I go "home" for longer than 3 or 4 days. Old places, old friends, people who really get me - because they knew me forever, memories... all of these things can take hold of my heart and send it into a bit of a spin. 30 minutes though - in 30 minutes I will open the door to my home. The one that has become a part of me for almost nine years now. I will unload every thing but the kitchen sink - as it surely seemed that is what we had to bring for 6 people and 9 days. I will prepare 4 little boys for bed in the home where we welcomed each one of them into our family. The ache for my other home will still be there, but so will the excitement and joy that I have here. It's just a part of my life. Of course I will smile in the evening when I think of all the evenings I adopted the routine of having a cup of tea (or two or three) with my mom in my parents cozy home this past week. I will probably put the pot of water on to boil here in this home 500 miles away and know she is doing the same. I will hold the memories close and try to appreciate the good thing that I have instead of giving in to the ache. Because home is a good thing - a beautiful thing, and what could be better than having two?

5 comments:

Katarina said...

I hear you, I know that feeling (or feelings!) that filter through while coming home from *home*.
May your new year be filled with joy and blessings and love.

Amy@My Front Porch said...

Next time you're in Iowa, let me know! Not sure where your second "home" is but it's not a big state -- can't be too far from where we live!

Amanda said...

wendi, wendi...i get you. although, i do think it is a bit different for me...since my parents have moved a bit away from my old "home"...so going to see them doesn't bring the same memories or ability to reconnect with old friends, etc. but i get you still.

Jessi said...

I'm sorry. I can imagine how tough it would be :(.

I hope despite the feeling that you're missing home that you have a wonderful New Year.

Rachel @ Future Pastor's Wife said...

Great perspective, Wendi. Happy New Year!