His plans are just bigger

I remember very specifically what I prayed for as we prepared for K's EEG several weeks ago. I remember exactly what I asked you all to pray for. In my human and limited thinking I asked God to give K a normal EEG for the first time. I saw so much improvement in him. I was excited at the thought of no more seizure prevention medication. I thought it so odd that year after year we brought him in to the hospital for EEG's and year after year they came back abnormal. They always show a high potential for seizures. But we have never in our lives seen K have a seizure that we have been aware of. As I reported, K did awesome during the testing time. He slept for the 20 minutes that they needed him to and then was awake during the time they wanted him awake. It was amazing! I took that as further indication that this time the test would be different. He had never cooperated like that before. We got a very brief run down of the results and they were not quite what I was hoping for. The results were given to us over the phone by the radiologist. The most information would come from the neurologist who had ordered the test and has followed K's neurological needs from the time he was 3 weeks old. We saw him yesterday. Friends, I was blown away by some things that God revealed to me at that appointment! Things like: I tend to really limit God in my requests to Him. I see such a small, and often selfish picture. God's ways and plans are so, so big. Even when our prayers aren't answered the way we specifically desire, they are being answered. God is always moving, always working, always in motion towards His best. Our appointment started conversationally. We have a wonderful Christian doctor who has traveled through many rough times with our family. We talked about K's progress, small concerns, and great goals reached. As we began to further discus K's EEG results our doctor confirmed what the radiologist had told us. The test results showed heightened erratic brain activity. Epileptic patterns. Inconsistencies. Not only are we not able to take K off the medication, but the dose has been increased. The doctor asked when the last time was that we observed K having a seizure. Our answer was the same that it has been for 6 years: We have never seen a seizure. At that point I just had to ask the questions that have been turning over in my mind for a long time now. Is this normal? Why are these tests continually coming back with the kind of results that basically say, "this kid is having seizures", and he's just not? Does this happen to other kids? Has he seen this kind of thing before? As I voiced my confusion the doctor looked up from K's 3 inch thick chart, which he had been thumbing through, and his eyes met mine. "Ma'am, let me be honest with you. In children who have EEG reports that look like this we are seeing breakthrough seizures obviously and often. The only explanation I can come up with is that you are blessed. You are a blessed family. He is a blessed boy." I could barely breathe past the lump in my throat. Indeed - Blessed. It was then that it hit me; what I had been asking for and what God was doing. I'm sure I still only see the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I had asked God to take it away. He seemed to be saying - "But what would that do? Wait. Trust. Look to me. It's going to be better. Oh, it's going to be so much bigger! This will bring me more glory! This will further your testimony, pointing others to me. It's okay, I know you can't understand it all. Trust." And here I sit. Humbled. Once again, amazed. Praising the one who continues to show me that he is in complete control of my child's life, health, and future, and not I. Thank you Lord!