Saturday, February 28, 2009

 His plans are just bigger

I remember very specifically what I prayed for as we prepared for K's EEG several weeks ago. I remember exactly what I asked you all to pray for. In my human and limited thinking I asked God to give K a normal EEG for the first time. I saw so much improvement in him. I was excited at the thought of no more seizure prevention medication. I thought it so odd that year after year we brought him in to the hospital for EEG's and year after year they came back abnormal. They always show a high potential for seizures. But we have never in our lives seen K have a seizure that we have been aware of. As I reported, K did awesome during the testing time. He slept for the 20 minutes that they needed him to and then was awake during the time they wanted him awake. It was amazing! I took that as further indication that this time the test would be different. He had never cooperated like that before. We got a very brief run down of the results and they were not quite what I was hoping for. The results were given to us over the phone by the radiologist. The most information would come from the neurologist who had ordered the test and has followed K's neurological needs from the time he was 3 weeks old. We saw him yesterday. Friends, I was blown away by some things that God revealed to me at that appointment! Things like: I tend to really limit God in my requests to Him. I see such a small, and often selfish picture. God's ways and plans are so, so big. Even when our prayers aren't answered the way we specifically desire, they are being answered. God is always moving, always working, always in motion towards His best. Our appointment started conversationally. We have a wonderful Christian doctor who has traveled through many rough times with our family. We talked about K's progress, small concerns, and great goals reached. As we began to further discus K's EEG results our doctor confirmed what the radiologist had told us. The test results showed heightened erratic brain activity. Epileptic patterns. Inconsistencies. Not only are we not able to take K off the medication, but the dose has been increased. The doctor asked when the last time was that we observed K having a seizure. Our answer was the same that it has been for 6 years: We have never seen a seizure. At that point I just had to ask the questions that have been turning over in my mind for a long time now. Is this normal? Why are these tests continually coming back with the kind of results that basically say, "this kid is having seizures", and he's just not? Does this happen to other kids? Has he seen this kind of thing before? As I voiced my confusion the doctor looked up from K's 3 inch thick chart, which he had been thumbing through, and his eyes met mine. "Ma'am, let me be honest with you. In children who have EEG reports that look like this we are seeing breakthrough seizures obviously and often. The only explanation I can come up with is that you are blessed. You are a blessed family. He is a blessed boy." I could barely breathe past the lump in my throat. Indeed - Blessed. It was then that it hit me; what I had been asking for and what God was doing. I'm sure I still only see the tip of the proverbial iceberg. I had asked God to take it away. He seemed to be saying - "But what would that do? Wait. Trust. Look to me. It's going to be better. Oh, it's going to be so much bigger! This will bring me more glory! This will further your testimony, pointing others to me. It's okay, I know you can't understand it all. Trust." And here I sit. Humbled. Once again, amazed. Praising the one who continues to show me that he is in complete control of my child's life, health, and future, and not I. Thank you Lord!

20 comments:

Melissa said...

Amen to that. Yet again a wonderful post...you are so positively insightful. I am uplifted everytime I visit. Thank you Wendy for your wisdom and strong faith.

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

"God is always moving, always working, always in motion towards His best." Love that line Wendi, and you are so right...God's plan for K is so huge! :)

Rach@In His Hands said...

Wendi, I'm sitting here in tears...you are such an amazing women, an amazing Mama who has such a beautiful faith in the Lord.

I often put limitations on prayers as well....and then I'm blown away by the incredible things God does, which FAR exceed what I could even imagine. Big example: our road to parenthood.

Sending you a big bloggy hug, my friend.

Beth in NC said...

I pray that God will continue to amaze the doctors with your precious son's life!

Bless you!
Beth

Anne Elizabeth said...

Powerful post! Amen!

Heather of the EO said...

This just blew me away. I've been thinking so much about control. We want it so badly, we want to tell God what that best plan is that we have in mind. That's not entirely silly, we just have big hearts, especially for our children. But then something like this happens where we're focusing on test results rather than the absence of seizures. God says, "the silly test doesn't even matter, it doesn't make me stop helping."

What an inspiring faith you have, Wendi. To see what you see and share it in the midst of something that could simply just leave you frustrated. You see past the "thing" and into the bigger pictures. That's a gift.

Peace to you,
Heather

Arlona Mc said...

Neither have I witnessed any seizures in his entire lifetime. God is so good. Let's ask our bloggy friends to pray that Caleb will be completely potty trained by the end of summer or before. I know that God can do this too and it will be such a big help when he goes to kindergarten. It is great that he was walking without his walker at school one day this week. Love, Mom Mc

Colored With Memories said...

love this post from the first words to the last....

blessed, blessed indeed!

dani said...

wendi, i looked back to see what my comment was that day... only to see that i was a little late, as k had already had his test run.
actually, i looked to see how i committed to your request.
(i rarely pray specifically. my prayers most always start with "if it be Your will, GOD..." i have found that in life, it's best to follow His will rather than my (our) own, for if we are His children, HE knows where i'm (we're) going and how to get us there better than i (we) do!!!)
your little k continues to be a blessing and so being a testament to God as well as your faith.
God has, more often than not, chosen the least to do/show the most, no??? so, you may as well... JUST GET READY!!!
love,
dani

LuAnn said...

Thank you, Amen. You are an awesome witness to your faith and Lord.

creative gal said...

Amen!!

Anthony's Mommy said...

K amazes me every time I read a post about him! He has overcome so many hurdles. I know I don't "know" him, but I am just so proud of him!

I do have a question, I guess its cause I'm a parent of a younger preemie and I want to learn from your experience. Do they do the EEG on him because of the brain bleed he had? Anthony had a grade 1 bleed but the MRI said it had all resolved before we left the NICU and there has been no mention of follow up. Just wondering if i should be looking out for something else...

Kim

Mel said...

Wendi while I know your road may be rocky you never fail to bless me.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

He does ALL things well...and it's all for His glory! K's entire life has reflected this...and what a huge testimony to everyone that God is SO much bigger than any circumstance.

You have an amazing little guy there, Wendi. But then, you already knew that. ;)Thank you so much for letting us in a little so that we can see it too. Big hugs!

jennifer said...

Thank you for sharing what God is doing in your life. I love when God reminds me that He truly cares.

Kristy said...

Wow! All I can say is Wow! I love you guys.

Elizabeth said...

esquire & i are going through a parenting cd class with chip ingram while we drove this weekend...the first line out of chip's mouth was something like...

God's dreams for your child are so much greater than ANYTHING we could dream for them.

HE TRULY DOES HAVE BIG PLANS!!! Praise the Lord, Wendi...thanks for your story.

Lois Lane II said...

"Even when our prayers aren't answered the way we specifically desire, they are being answered." -- Beautiful, my friend.

Rachel said...

Goosebumps. What an awesome post about the power of God at work in your life...and your little boy's life. You are a blessing!

Jennifer Perkins said...

What a wonderful, encouraging post. I so needed to read it, today. Thank you for sharing with us what the Lord is teaching you.