Thursday, February 26, 2009

 Everything he is to us

Dear Jay, Four years ago today you came into our life at full force. You let the world know you were HERE and you were going to be noticed.
So much has changed, so much has stayed the same. Your will is made of steel. You live life out loud. You are not afraid to speak up. Being mommy to little boys is a blast. It is a high energy job, but wow is it fun! You, my love, are ALL boy. I love how getting dirty inspires you. I love how any thing you can hold in your hand instantly becomes an airplane. I love how you want to know how everything is made. "Mom, how do they make crayons?" followed by "Mom how do they make windows?" was easy peasy. When you began asking about computer hard drives and babies I stumbled a bit.
Oh, and your dance moves - to die for. I could learn a thing or two from you. No inhibitions with you Jay. None at all!
It is just amazing to see your desire to learn. You won't take lazy answers or brush offs. You want to know. And I want to feed that. I want to do better at exploring things out with you, so that you will always hold on to that desire to learn any thing and every thing that you want to. Your excitement adds so much excitement to my life. I love it when you are looking forward to something. It adds an air of exhilarated anticipation to the entire house. Your daddy and I often comment on how fun you are. Planning trips to the zoo, bike rides, fair visits, sledding fun, swimming, or even just going out to eat has all taken on new and accentuated enjoyment with you around. You have turned us back into giddy little kids hardly being able to wait until the fun of each new adventure Your giggle makes my heart do that little butterfly flippy thingy. I love it! Especially when it is preceded by that "look". I'm told it is genetic. It's an "I'm not going to smile, you can't make me" wavering frown. The way you love your daddy warms my heart all the way to my toes. He is your hero. When he asks you to accompany him outside to "do some guy work" your world is just right. "Mom, we have a big important job to do, I'll see ya later!" You know how to push my buttons. I am just beginning to learn to be more steadfast and consistent in not letting you get away with it. So much of our struggles have to do with me just learning on you buddy. I've never had a child like you - so you are going to have to be patient with me okay? I look at you and I contemplate the position that you are in, which could cause some of your stubborn out bursts. You are in the middle. You are trying to hold your own between K, who needs alot more attention that most, and Noe, the compliant baby. I want to be more aware of what you feel and what you need. I know that you have been in your brothers shadows at times. My little boy, breaking out of dependence and into this new world of trying, feeling, doing, reaching. In some ways you seem older than 4 already. Just this week I have observed a new grown manner about you. And Jay, I am so proud of you. In front of my eyes I am seeing you trying. It is hard for you to obey. It is hard when you don't get what you want. You act out in those situations and get negative attention. That escalates it all the more. I used to get so frustrated when you would just throw fits and scream. I am watching this maturation process that I am privileged to be a part of. You are learning. You are holding back, even when it takes all you have. Your daddy and I are often amazed at all you can do. Your brother K is such a special light in our lives. Exepriencing him at your age was so different, and you are showing us things we have never seen. I am eager to see all that God has for you! I am encouraged to think that the very same strong will that makes me want to pull out my hair (then I would look like daddy, huh?) is a will that will serve you well in times that you will need to be committed and dedicated to choices you have made. Not a day goes by that we don't go toe to toe on something. You are testing. You are smart. You are figuring out your limits. You are trying your mommy. Not a day goes by that my heart does not over flow with love for YOU. Something about our relationship is special beyond words. Because when you settle and smile and say "I love you" I truly get choked up. It's not something you often do. They aren't words you just throw around. When your brothers say those words I always feel immeasurable joy. But with you, it is something I take and put in a special part of my heart, to think about and draw strength from when we have a particularly difficult day. I love you so much. You may never know how much you have helped me to grow. I needed you buddy. God knew you were exactly what I needed those four years ago. Happy birthday! I'm just holding on for dear life to see what this next year brings, my son. :)
PS- Happy Birthday Rachel! Thanks for being such a wonderful friend. This day is special for so many reasons!

18 comments:

Noah and Ryders Mommy said...

What a sweet and heart felt letter to a very adorable and precious son of yours, Wendi. God is so good in that he knows exactly what we need exactly when we need it...and I pray that this year is a new, fun and exhillerating ride for the both of you, as you continue on this journey of discovering him and learning new things about eachother, and falling inlove with him all over...You are such a sweet Momma, he is lucky to have you!! They all are!

God Bless and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO JAY!

Anne Elizabeth said...

That is such a sweet letter! Can I just say he was an absolutely beautiful newborn baby:) He was so precious. He is still so cute.

Kari Dawson said...

What a beautiful tribue to your little boy Wendi! Thanks for sharing him with us today and allowing us a peek into your wonderful world with him. Happy Birthday little guy!

Chelle said...

Love this glimpse into the heart and life of your super darling, full of life, brand new 4 year old. Your adoration of him is so obvious.

Precious letter, precious Mama and such a precious little middle man.

Happy Birthday Jay!

Sara@i.Sass said...

What a heartfelt post Wendi!
A very Happy birthday to J!
This was very touching, I feel like I know him with the description you gave.
What a joy it is to read about your love for him. (and all of your family)

Rachel said...

SO sweet!

Happy birthday, Jay!!!

Lindsay said...

What a great post! Love it! and am certain that sweet Jay will love having this letter from you as a grown man!

Heather of the EO said...

You're an amazing mom! Happy Birthday to your little Jay.

I think he and Asher have a ton in common. Sheesh, that kid is a spitfire. I've got my work cut out for me... I'll be calling you for advice. :)

These strong-willed little people really are so lovable.

Mel said...

I am especially touched by this one, today my oldest celebrates his 20th birthday :)

Joyfulsheep said...

This is such a wonderful letter about a wonderful little guy. Happy birthday, Jay! Hope you have a great day celebrating!

Arlona Mc said...

Wow, what a special tribute to one of my precious grandsons. It was fun celebrating his birthday today. You and Dave are such good parents. I am looking forward to hearing and seeing pictures of the "swim time" at SAU. Noe was really looking forward to it too. It was great to watch Jay let K and Noe help to open his gifts. The bicycle was a big hit. so glad your house is big enough that he could ride it a little today. Love, Mom Mc

Stacey said...

Happy Happy Birthday Jay!!Hope your day is great!

Neat letter, very meaningful, he'll "get" it later in life!!

You are great parents!

Amanda said...

happy birthday jay...how precious you truly are (and your momma too!). wendi...what a beautiful tribute to your little man!

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

I am still marveling over the statement that he gets so much joy from being dirty. I just love the differences between boys and girls, because Savannah? Not so much. :)

Happy Belated birthday, sweet boy. Keep lovin' on your mama, 'cause she's so proud of you. And with the way she's raising you, you're going to grow up and be an AMAZING man of God.

Sarah M. said...

Happy birthday J!

Tonya said...

What a sweet letter. Happy Birthday Jay! What a handsome little boy :)

Rach@In His Hands said...

Happy Birthday to one sweet, special little boy!

And hugs to his amazing Mama....

Mrs.Naz@BecomingMe said...

Happy birthday to him! So so precious