Lessons learned from a dreaded moment

I knew it would happen - probably at least once, and I wasn't looking forward to handling it. Now that I've done it once I feel some what empowered, still not looking forward to doing it again. I'm talking about the moment when some one would ask me about the baby, oblivious to our loss and all that has transpired in the past month. I have been doing well. My life is very busy right now. I don't have alot of time to feel sorry for myself. :) There's not alot of reflective quiet in my day. I knew if a comment was made to me about the baby, under the assumption that I was still pregnant, that busyness which is in some ways self preserving, would come to a screeching halt and I would have to face unpleasantness. I took K to physical and occupational therapy a couple of weeks ago and the sweet lady who works with him approached me with a big smile and these words, "I just found out you were expecting another one! Congratulations, oh that is so wonderful, but boy will you have your hands full, I mean look at you now...." She was very wordy and very enthusiastic. For one instant I felt a bit of panic rising up, almost choking me. This was three days after my D & C. I not only just plain didn't want to go there, I knew she would feel awful once the truth came out. So I made a a quick decision and simply said "No, actually I'm not not pregnant." It was the truth, and the best way I could see to handle the situation quickly and with the least amount of pain as possible for both of us. Ah, but the sweet lady did not take the life preserver I had thrown out to her. She was very determined. She was just sure that some one had told her I was pregnant and she could swear it really was me they were talking about and she usually remembers these things quite well and, and... So, I finally had to speak up. I tried to do it as gently and low key as possible. I simply told her that we had lost a baby a couple of weeks ago. Their was some awkward stuttering and I steered the conversation in a different direction. This may not have been the only time in which I will encounter this type of situation. We told alot of people about the pregnancy, and have not been able to 'untell' every one yet. I will just take it as it comes. Now that I have dealt with the dreaded conversation once, the other times will be easier to handle. It was hard. I fought back tears. I have been doing really well, but have been moving on. Facing it head on again was tough, but manageable. I'm so thankful for each circumstance which forces me to deal with this the way I need to. As hard as these situations may be, they have been an important part of the healing. I praise God for bringing me up yet another rung in the ladder of healing, faith, and maturity. I believe that God is slowing me down in my hurry to just be done with all of this so that I will go through the proper steps of dealing with it in a healthy way. I tend to lean towards a denial and "every thing is fine" way of coping. :) But I have to go through this. What happened can't be forgotten or denied. As I was looking through some of my blog archives the other day, looking for something completely unrelated, I saw this and this and had to pause to compose myself. I have follow up appointments and blood tests. I have memories and moments of longing. My pregnancy hormones have yet to even out. Until this happens I will continue to have a series of blood tests and doctor appointments - reminders. Stepping stones.