Friday, July 20, 2012

 When we realize that our mourning has turned to dancing

I heard a song the other day; it was barely in my conscious mind - but my ears were picking up the stirrings of this melody.

So much began to flood my heart, until my mental, emotional, and physical capabilities were definitely on a high conscious alert.

It took me back to some really dark emotions. -And I was newly aware of the vast difference in the place that I am at right now, versus where I was a few years ago.

Sometimes we go about our life, so immersed in the day-to-day that we are not fully awakened to the monumental departures our hearts and minds have taken from a previous state.

I am blessed.  


There are three particulars that immediately come to mind. Three events/trials/circumstances, which have taken place over the past 10 years, that have launched me into grief; a dismal, overwhelming, foggy state of being.

I had always tended towards a positive attitude, but I also lived a fairly safe and protected life for the first couple of decades of it.

Loss? Didn't really touch me.

Circumstances way out of my control?

Surprise turns in the road of life, leaving me winded and exhausted from the fight?
 - Not really on my radar.


So when they hit, I was blindsided and didn't really know which end was up anymore…

I have forgotten the dark,

and the unknown,

the shock,

anger,

and immobilizing fear.

Overall, a feeling that I would definitely not be okay again.




I know! I just want to shake my previous self. Really?

Never feel that deep-seated contentment again?

Or have joy?

Or feel freedom?

Love?

Hope overflowing, concerning the future?

Spontaneity?

Confidence?

Laugh until tears are streaming down my face?


But - if I know anything, it is certainly that our human minds comprehend tough circumstances as life altering and joy robbing. We feel desperate, and can't see light at the end of the tunnel. Truth is shaky at best, and we question everything.

Because, really, we are just dust (Psalm 103:14). And our dust, on its own, can not reach heavenly places.

Oh, but when the Holy spirit {Comforter, lover of my soul, enlightener} breathes into that dust… It is unfathomable.  


I can't fully explain what is happening in this dust, that is me, right now (thus the use of the adjective unfathomable above). *smile*

But I believe that this recognition of change in my heart is another big step in the direction that God created me to run towards.

Yes, that entire list of good things surges through my life now.


Death has stolen,


lies have cheapened,


grief has captured,


Unmet expectations have taunted,


darkness has threatened,

But oh my - has light come in!!

Everything that felt stolen, and robbed, and ruined, horrible, and unfulfilled - had already been redeemed!

I am blessed beyond measure, friends.

In 1st Corinthians 2 it says,

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love him."


I believe that this verse mainly refers to our secure future in heaven. But can I just venture an assumption that perhaps we may be gifted with some moments of heaven on earth?

Because I can feel that heavenly Spirit breathing into this dust and making more of this pile of depraved human flesh than she thought possible.

It would be necessary for me to have my head buried in the dirt if I didn't recognize that the season of joy I find myself in would not have been possible without entering the valley.

This is life. I know that the fog was sharpening and the heavy heart was preparing….

Signing off, from a grateful heart…








3 comments:

Andrea said...

Good words dear girl! Thankful for how you share the work of our loving God in your heart & life! xo

the_blissful_mommy said...

You break my heart with beauty, Wendi. Love you.

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