When my selfish nature collides with my mission statement

My kids aren't napping anymore. And I'm trying to be okay with that and move on. I hadn't realized how much I treasured/valued/protected that time. Some quiet. Some time to regroup and, you know - think.


But it is done, because going upstairs just to come down 78 times again, kick, scream, and cry isn't really nap time, right? And the, maybe, one day per week that Kai or Noe will nap ends up being a night that they will not settle at bed time. So, yeah, I do know the signs of nap time coming to an end when I see them.

But, but, but…

I'm selfish. I know. I want "me" time. And lots of it. There is a side of me that is so about me and so self indulgent that I want to puke, and I can really feel like my own worst enemy. Because self indulgent, selfish, and all about me, are the last words that I want describing me.

You know what I want?

I will strive to daily be seeking God's will for my life...

I want a white chocolate raspberry frappe from Jackson coffee company

I will strive to respect and submit to my husband the way God calls to do in HIs Word…

I want a quiet house, except of course, the melodic indulgences of music of my choosing

We will strive to love our children…

By loving our children we will discipline them and teach them of God's love...

I want to sit at my computer, in a comfy office chair, and have Facebook, lightroom, Photoshop, Pandora and Pinterest open. And just vedge.

As a family, we will be active in our local church…

So we can be an encouragement as well as being encouraged by others...

You know, some chocolate wouldn't hurt either. A few pieces right at my fingertips.

I will seek to serve God with my life, whether being a full-time Godly example in everyday life, 

or being in full-time Christian ministry...

And, like, if someone wanted to offer to clean up this mess of a house fore me, it wouldn't hurt my feelings. 

We desire to be a family that will impact the world for the cause of Christ. 

We can do none of this on our own, but only through the power of God in our lives…

Impact the world for the cause of Christ.

 What? What was that?

You see what just happened there?

The smaller italicized words are the mission statement Dave and I wrote for our lives. 

He wrote those words out years ago. I think even before we had kids, or at least when we just had one or two {so, you know, forever ago}.

What we stand for. 

What we want to live for.

What our hearts cry is.

But, for me, way too often those words are small. And marginalized.

I forget them. I am absorbed in everything I don't want to be absorbed in.

And it becomes about me. Again. 

It's sickening really.

And I am right in the middle of it now. 

Still learning how to break these cycles.

Still striving to walk my talk. 

To make my mission as natural as breathing...