Saturday, January 1, 2011


Eight years ago tonight I had no idea how much my life was about to change.

And now I know.

I know what it is to be scared, and confused, and breathless, and deeply in love with some one very, very small.

 I wondered if I would be able to keep him.

And God granted me an amazing miracle.

Two amazing miracles.

Answers to countless prayers on account of our identical twins.

One was healed completely, forever.

One we get to be with today.

Tomorrow he is eight. Eight. With carefree smiles and a great love for his new Mp3 player.

I have been blessed to go from daily swallowing a horrible dark fear, and putting on a brave face, to openly loving this child.

Those early days were composed of emotions twisting inside of me - fear, caution, love, disappointment, and ups and downs that were way too close together and way too vast.

Some days he was, by far, the braver of the two of us.

I longed for the day when we could bring him home, but I wouldn't allow myself to decorate the nursery. Too many dreams already shattered to risk that.

I longed for the day he would call me mama, but often I struggled to feel like that's who I really was.

And then - 96 days later he was home. And 6 months after that he said "mama". Every hour of lost sleep, every dirty diaper, and every bucket load of drool was so, so worth it. :)

His birthday still brings up some of that twisting of emotions. I never want a dark shadow to detract from his special day, and yet... you know, it is what it is.

My mind glimpses two boys - shared birthdays - eight year olds having the time of their lives.

But that is not what it is.

My heart is very grateful for what I once held and for what I do hold. And tonight, tomorrow, each day, I am celebrating.

Happy eighth birthday JD and K!!!


Anthony and Ashleys Mommy said...

OMG 8?!!? Really!? I remember when I first starting talking to you he was 5. He's grown up so much since then and I am so very proud of the both of you. Thank you for always being a great supportive friend and a mentor to look up to!


Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

I was thinking about New Years Eve 8 years ago. And thinking of how amazing these 8 years have been.

I miss J.D. too.

Happy Birthday Caleb!

BARBIE said...

Happy Birthday K! You are a precious gift!

Cori B said...

Happy Birthday little man! And thanks for sharing Wendi. You brought me to tears. Praying for you today! :)

The Sneaky Mommy said...

Happy Birthday K! Have a very special day of celebrating! Many prayers for your family today! You are a special mama who radiates God's grace!

Megan said...

Happy Birthday Kaleb & Joshua!!

Though only one of you can be here with us physically... this is a day for BOTH of you.

Wendi, I cannot help but hold back tears in this post. I find strength in knowing birthday's will get easier. I cannot imagine Savannah's first birthday next year without her here with us. In a way I envy you. Oh how I wish I could have an identical twin. To wake everyday and see the face grow in a way of the one I've lost. <3 Please hug sweet K for me. Let him know how wonderful life is with his in it for me!! :) He brings so many smiles to my face, knowing like you and I, he lost something too, and he can still be SO happy with life.

All my love and prayers,
(I'm not sure if I made sense at all in what I just said!)