That mom

I'm the mom who watches the bus slowly make its way out of my driveway. And I watch till it is gone. Every single day. I'm the mom who can't remember if she got up with the baby at midnight or not. No memory of it whatsoever. He may have gone his typical 4 hour stretch last night, or possibly 6. Your guess is as good as mine. I'm the mom who physically hurts when my boys hurt. I'm the mom who almost got sick when I heard the cries and saw the blood of my four year old. Stepping on a rake hurts. It hurts him, it hurts me. I'm the mom who sneaks a bowl of ice cream when the two middle boys go down for nap. I'm the mom who still gets that split second of surprise when I open the back hatch of my mini van and see a small wheel chair and walker. I'm the mom who messes up the schedule I created for my baby just so I can hold him a little bit longer. I'm the mom who can't get enough baby snuggles, but still sometimes cringes when I hear the hungry cry in the early am. I'm the mom who asks K to turn the radio down - over, and over, and over - but when I find myself alone in the van (oh so rarely) turn my radio up to a ridiculous level. I'm the mom who loves to cook, and yet on those tired days has not been above putting a big bowl of pop corn on the living room floor and handing bowls out to everyone so they can help themselves. I'm the mom who can be so hard on myself that I convince myself I am inadequate for the job. And then I realize how true that is and ask for the strength I need. I'm the mom who has learned a little bit more about grace every year. I am the mom who spends an average of 5 hours each day nursing. I am the mom who can not believe how blessed I am as I look around my living room in the evenings and observe a sweet daddy giving "helicopter" rides to four little people who look at him like he is the coolest superhero of them all. I am the mom who tries too hard. I am the mom who wants to do it all, be every thing to every body, and look fabulous all the while. I am the mom who is beginning to see the impossibility and undesirable aspect of that improbable scenario. I am the mom who wishes for 5 seconds of peace and quiet. Who wishes there was a lock on the bathroom door. Who has been known to go to walmart for "bread and milk" when we have ample amounts of both - really just to get away for a while. I am the mom who still can't believe that in the last 6 1/2 years I have given birth to 5 boys. I am the mom who has to do at *least* one load of laundry every day to stay ahead. I am the mom who knows deep down in my heart that my life is an amazing display of God's blessings. That the dreams of my heart have come true right before my eyes. That it is not an easy life or a life that can be lived with out the help of the one who orchestrated it all. I am the mom whose life has never been more busy, whose heart has never been more full, whose God has never been more real.