Time

And time just marches right on. Did I expect it to halt? Even slow? Certainly not. I know all too well the realities of time. It just seems that for so long there was this highly anticipated event - a goal so to speak. Sometimes it felt like it would be forever. Sometimes we hurried to complete tasks - knowing it would be so very soon. And now, as things settle into a routine and schedules once again become our friend, I feel like a fast forward button has been pushed. Since the last couple of weeks have been a bit of a blur I feel like some one took the scissors and chopped part of my calendar right out. I was inside the hospital or house for several days in a row and now as I go out I see a huge change has come over my world. Trees that were green and slightly gold are no longer green at all. Vibrant colors speckle the landscape. Some on trees, most on the ground now. There's a chill in the air, a warmth in our home, and a new completeness to our family. Things are changing and developing. We are sleeping at night. I just can't even begin to express how thankful I am for that. I am sleeping better than I was when I was pregnant. Baby Kai has learned the correct order of day and night. Our first 3 nights at home were very hard. He slept peacefully during the day, but was up virtually all night. I was a mess from getting 1-2 hours of sleep each night. And then (cue hallelujah chorus...) on night 3 he went to sleep at 8:30 and I had to wake HIM up at midnight. He nursed wonderfully and then went back to sleep - waking up with a little squeak at 4 am. Every night since then has been almost identical to that pattern. Each night I find myself not wanting to expect it and get my hopes up - but then he does so well and I just thank God over and over. I know I can't pause things just how they are right now, and I am trying not to waste my time wishing I could do so, but wow they don't stay little for long. I want to drink in every detail, capture each scent, sound, and emotion of this time. Nine days old already. And time already seems to be playing tricks on me. Just about sleeping through the night, trying to smile (so, maybe it's just gas... but still), and yesterday he rolled over. The rolling over must have just been a chance happening - but really?? My other boys didn't even try until about 4 months. It's all happening so fast... Monday morning my parents went home and on Tuesday Dave went back to work. And I jumped right back in... getting up at 6:30 to nurse followed by waking the other boys, getting K ready for school by 7:30, breakfast, loading every one up to run Jay to preschool, Awana, mom's group, dishes, laundry. Our routine. All of you moms who have brought a new baby home to an already busy household can relate I'm sure. Those nerves of "wow, can I do this? Now that we have added one more to an already slightly chaotic environment -how will everything fall into place??" And then that grace that God extends. I think there is a very special brand of grace for new moms. :) And I need every bit of it, for it is constant and busy here. But let me just say, it's not even close to how crazy I thought it might be when I allowed my imagination to run away on me. Kai fits in to our lives so naturally. Part of it is because he is patient. He is content. He seems to just take every thing as it comes. Part of it is because I am not planning my life around him. He gets fed every two hours during the day, and of course that has to be planned around. We get in as much cuddle time as possible too - but he has to work into our schedule. By early evening I am so tired it takes all I have to keep going. Must load dishwasher, clean up table, fold laundry, get pj's for little boys. Even with the decent nights of sleep - tired wraps around me like a well worn and familiar sweater. I have to keep remembering that I am still recovering. My body has been through alot and I must be patient with the process. Sometimes I have to stop myself from taking on too much and give that little "You had a baby last Wednesday" pep talk. :) Yes mom, I am really trying to take care of me. Yes Auntie A, I am drinking water a plenty. :) I am so blessed that things are going this well. This tired is a tired I can function through. The bursting into tears 58 times a day stage has passed. How wonderful to discover more about a God who reinforces us with every bit of energy that we need for each moment! So time, there are moments that I feel like you may be my enemy, but I know that you are just a part of life. With you I am gaining confidence, wisdom, and precious moments that I will hold to forever.