{Welcome to the deep}

I didn't know when I prayed

"Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior"

…that those deeper waters would come in the form of an eight year old with defiant eyes and a well chiseled chin, thrust in the air. 

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My heart, as sincere as it may be, can have the vision of men and lack eternal perspective.

I am sold out.

I am there.

I see international orphanages,

ministry opportunities,

high callings.

I have moved away from my earthly desire of comfort, roots, and security. 

I'm ready!

"Bring Your love to life inside of me 
Why don't You break my heart 'til it moves my hands and feet!"

I'm wondering why He spent years working on my heart, tearing earthly loyalty away. Doing some pretty intricate heart rearranging surgery, and then…

let me sit on the threshold.

Waiting? 

But I'M READY!

And so these songs, these lyrics that mean so much to me - they become my prayer.

I'm ready for deep water. 

I want my net to break with fish,

from a place in the water where it makes no sense for even one fish to be there, 

at a time of day when fish don't emerge. 

Those deep waters!

"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand"

My soul is in it. My tears don't lie. My heart beats passion and enthusiasm.

And He says, "Really? 

Those waters? 

The deep? 

You are ready for that?"

And I'm all, "Yes! He hears me. I'm ready!"

But I'm on the threshold again.
I'm with the eight year old.
Again.
And his words are stinging me.
Again.
And I birthed him and feed him, and Really?
 Like, how can he talk to me that way? 

*sigh*

And of course it clicks. 

In an inflicting grace, He shows me a pull back shot of that threshold. -A wide angle, if you will.

My heart beats fast and my palms immediately begin to sweat. 

It's not a threshold.

I'm not on a dock.

I'm not in a waiting room.

I'm there.

The waters are deep and the waves are rushing all around me. 

What feels like monotony and disrespectful inconvenience, is really just the tight-angle shot of my life which I see on a daily basis. 

But the eternal perspective, which only came when I humbled myself to kneel by that chair and seek His face wholly, that eternal perspective straight form God showed me that

this is my deep. 

No, it's not glamorous. In fact, if you could have had but one glimpse of me last week… *shudder*. 

The daily nitty gritty is not stuff song lyrics are made of, 

great blog posts are written from,

major life testimonies are able to be formed from. 

But it's my deep water. It's right at this moment where my trust is outgrowing its borders. It's where God has hand placed me and is building His kingdom through me. 

Maybe for you it's a newborn, or a two year old. Maybe both. Perhaps it's a teenager, or an aging parent. Whatever it is, friend, open your eyes to the big picture. 

You are not on a threshold awaiting "that ministry where God can use you".

Welcome to deep waters, where the only way to survive is through faith.