Monday, September 23, 2013

 Random, tired thoughts

I need to be heading to bed, because my new fall-time schedule has my days beginning while it is still dark, in the early am.

Writing will clear my mind though, and I do want to head for my rest tonight with a clear mind. It helps. :)

Tonight was my last night at the Center for Women, until January. After 6 years of constancy, this was one of the things that God asked me to step back from, for a time. I feel peace, relief, and sadness. It's only three months, but still. It's my family. We are tight. We are sisters. We will do ministry together again. My Mondays in 2013 will not be the same.

My heart is full. These days I am listening to, and most importantly hearing, God in ways that I fear I have been too distracted for of late. Much of what I am hearing is surprising. All of it is good. I am soaking it up like a sponge.


And guess what?
                         resting, and

Good. So good. 

On Wednesdays I am now Mrs. McCallum. Who knew I would love to teach so much?! I am teaching a digital photography class to middle and high schoolers at a local home school co-op. My students are eager to learn, and seeing the light turn on in their minds when we do hands on photography learning is priceless! 

My photography business is growing. Some of what is surprising me about letting go of my agenda and schedule, and asking God to have complete control of it, is a big ol' green light on pursuing the business  wholeheartedly. I guess I thought He would tell me to step back from the business and dive into all things ministry. Oh how small I make God, and oh how I put "ministry" into an unfair and restricted box. I am ashamed of that.  I have met countless people, and been to all kinds of places I never would have been to had I not ventured unto the world of business ownership. I am humbly grateful for the ways in which He is teaching me that my business, my gifts, talents, my callings {my life} THEY ARE MY MINISTRY. See the common thread between the Janitor/shepherd and the photographer/shepherd? :) 

Speaking of him - I love him. I know you know that, but I have to say it again. I was talking to my friend tonight, and just recapping what the last 13 years have been like for us. 

Year 2 of marriage was hard. We had premature twins at 25 weeks gestation, and we buried one. Hard.  It was this crash course in grieving while trying to communicate well, while still learning one another.
Year 7 was hard. For no one specific reason, and for a hundred reasons. 
Year ten had a few bumps. 

We will always face bumps in the road, I know that. But something happened this year. We began to get really honest. Gut wrenching honesty. It has laid our hearts bare, hurt like nothing else, and glued us tighter. I don't know how else to explain it. 

He doesn't complete me and he isn't my everything. He draws me closer to my Creator, who is. I love him more for that than anything else he could do for me. 

I started running last week. I tried it 5 years ago, at a time in my life when starting to run was probably one of the most impractical things I could've done. I deemed it "not for me", felt like a big wus, and turned my back on it. Recently I have had this feeling that I really needed to try again. I actually have some time to do it, now that Mali is in preschool 3 days a week, in the am. I downloaded the couch to 5k app, and I am going to give it a fair try this time around. I still feel like a big wus - and oh-so-NOT-athletic, but I have only completed day 2. I am going to stick with it through at least the entire 9 week training process. -Not really sure how I'll feel about it when it begins to get really cold and the snow flies, but I am committed to trying my hardest to see this through. 

Today I texted my friend, who is training for her second marathon, that I now have a "running" play list and arm band for my Ipod, so I'm a runner, right?!. She informed me that I run, therefore I am a runner. So good to have truth speaking people in my life. ;)

The thing with me is that, for realz, I am the least athletic person you will ever meet. I played no sports when I was growing up, and don't have an over abundance of physical strength. In the c25k training stage I am in now, I am walking more than running - and still feeling challenged.

Please tell me that  my lungs will not burn forever. 

Goodnight for now friends. This getting up early and running thing is tiring this girl out. :) Plus, you know there's the four boys and… 
All of The Stuff. :) 

(PS - doesn't it seem like my iMac should recognize the word "iPod" and not tell me it is misspelled? It's like a father turning his back on his own son or something. Isn't it? Ok. bed. yes, I'm going.)


Andrea said...

Smiling and nodding and chuckling - love this place you are at and how you put it into words. Our ministry really is *everything* we do isn't it! I can sooo relate to putting it in a box. Can also relate to the non athletic thing, and often feel the struggle between a warm bed and feeling good after being up and at it!

So happy to read of the good things God is growing in this season for you. Blessings to you friend! :)

Jenn Bowers said...

Loved the part about how your photography business is growing and how you thought God would ask you to step back from it and pour more of your time into ministry.
And yet, within your photography business you have a ministry.

I, SO get this, but in another way.

I had this huge desire to have a photography business and thought I was heading that way this summer. Now I have nothing.

I have been struggling with this, but at the same time learning SO much about what God has for me. I think I was desiring the accolades and I knew the money would be so helpful financially. And so I was hoping to be able to help ease the burden from my husband in that manner. My heart and mind were set on the wrong things.

God is opening so many doors in ministry for me right now, that it is blowing my mind. And in His infinite wisdom, mercy, grace, and love He is showing me and leading me in the places He wants me to be. Right now He is asking me to let go of the photography as a business.

All this to say... WE each need to be so open to God's prompting. Our ministry is so intertwined with our days wherever we may be or who ever we may be talking with. There is a purpose for where He has placed each of us. We just need to take hold of it wholeheartedly and live there with Him in the center.

Hayley said...

Catching up on your blog tonight- I love you! I like how you describe marriage after year ten. :) (gut wrenching honesty- drawing each other close to Christ) yes-- this!! it's awesome! Totally different kind of love.