Shunt worries, a smart 3 year old, and a singing barista,

This has been a week of tired for me.

You know how sometimes you are just cruising forward in life, busy, but handling it, and then

 *BAM* 

life seems to catch up with you and you kind of stumble to your knees?

Yeah, kind of me right not. It's okay, and I know that I will pick right back up and cruise along once I catch my breath. Of course, even then it will be only in God's strength, not my own. Never my own. I say "stumble to your knees" figuratively and literally. What better place to be, right? 

I just finished leading a wonderful 7 week Bible study with some of the sweetest ladies, at our church. It was truly a blessing for me. I know that many grew right along with me, but wow was I sharpened, challenged, and convicted. Funny how I often go into things thinking that I want to bless, teach, or minster to people, and I am the one who is blessed, learns, and is ministered to. This happens to me alot. 

So, the past 7 weeks of Tuesday nights have been spent at church. I am looking forward to engaging in many more studies with the women there. It is wonderfully effective to meet corporately and share how God is growing each of us. For now though… for now I am going to be taking a few Tuesday nights to be home. Monday nights, Wednesday nights, and every other Friday night is booked for us regularly. I am feeling the need to just be still for a bit on Tuesdays. :) 

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I am learning more and more that the life God has for us as parents of a special needs child is anything but boring. We are so blessed to have K in our lives.

Just need to take a minute and let that sink in.

So blessed.
Honored.

To be stretched and realize more fully what it means to surrender our children to God is a good and hard thing. It is my hearts prayer that we would do well in this task He has given us in raising K. 

On Monday night K had a headache. I have written about these "headaches" before, and how they have some seizure type qualities to them. Doctors haven't really known how to diagnose these "episodes", but finally landed on calling them "migraines".  Regardless of what it is that plagues him, it is not easy to watch it. He shakes all over, hold his head, says "Ow"repeatedly, gets very disoriented, and is in obvious pain. It usually lasts for about 5-10 minutes, and then he goes into a deep sleep. This time he even began telling us that he could not see during this episode, and seemed somewhat panicked.  He finally fell asleep Monday night, but woke up again very early in the AM with another. By 9 am he had had 4. He was okay for a while during the later morning, but I kept him home from school to observe him and allow him to get rest. Throughout the day he was extremely tired. He would fall into deep sleeps in mid sentence. He also had a few more of these migraine episodes. Some minor and very short, others 10+ minutes and pretty heart wrenching to watch. I often go into this "function mode" where I do what I have to do and think I am handling things in an even and neutral manner. It isn't until much later, when I allow myself to exhale and relax, that I tend to realize  my body is full of tension and I haven't breathed fully for several hours. I think this function mode ruled me on Tuesday. 

One very cool thing that God did in this situation is give us the reassurance of a neurosurgeon appointment and brain imaging scheduled for the very next day. I love this! It takes a long time to get into this doctor, and we had made this routine annual appointment literally months ago! It just so happened to be the morning after he was having this super rough day. Knowing that he had a full MRI the very next morning, and we would be able to see exactly what was going on with his shunt and brain was a huge comfort to me. 

Wednesday morning he woke up in good spirits. He and Dave went on a 2+ hour road trip to see his neurosurgeon, and had the MRI done. Praise God, it showed a fully functioning shunt, and NO issues with his brain.

So, good and bad. 

Good that all was well. 

Good that he totally snapped out of the exhaustion and migraines.

Good to have wonderful medical staff and a safe drive.

{Thank you Jesus}

Not so good to still have a few question marks as to what went on with my precious little man (he always will be to me… but even just typing it - "little" - makes me laugh, because he's so not anymore).

Oh Lord, give me strength to be his mom. He's yours. Nothing has a question mark for you. 

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Yesterday Mali was acting out, as only three year olds can.

He is the icing on my cake every day, folks. I have never loved 3 like I love it right now. Not that I have never loved a 3 year old like I love this one, not at all! ;) It's just that I have struggled with that age in the past. I made a breakthrough though, as to why it is different this time around, and it is fairly obvious. :)

I am not pregnant, or nursing, or sleep deprived this time. 

There you  have it. 

Pretty simple and straightforward. 

Suddenly 3 is this wide eyed, singing, soft arms tangled around my neck bundle of awesome. 

Oh - I can't get enough.

But, we were having some very typical 3 year old behavioral issues yesterday. He seemed rather desperate for attention, but doing negative things will not achieve positive attention in this house, so he was rather miffed at the outcome of that experiment. In an effort to get some attention from this mama he finally blurts out…       "But my BRAIN hurts!" 

Bravo, young man. Bravo.  

You grow up in this house, with an older brother who has a medical file taller than himself and you pick up on a thing or two.

We had a good little cuddle session after that, because really - props to the 3 year old.

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I have gotten into the decadent habit of Jackson coffee company lattes on Tuesday nights. I usually hit a little bit of a wall in late afternoon and (oh-so-convenient) their lattes go on sale after 2pm. So I just drive through and get a little 10 ouncer on my way to Bible study. It tides me over so very nicely. Last Tuesday night I noticed that my punch card only had one more space to be punched before it was FULL. So, I got all excited and remarked," Hey, so what all happens when this last one gets punched?!" There was a guy and a girl working the drive through that night, They looked to be college aged (those young whipper snappers). They were joking about a song and dance and flowers and other celebratory acts with the punching of the card. The dude leans over the counter and says that he so badly had wanted to work valentines day so that he could sing love songs all day to the customers. He then tells me that if I come back when he is working *lists hours* he would gladly sing for me upon the final card punch.

"I can sing Titanic, Wind Beneath My Wings, pretty much anything you want". 

I am cracking up. Totally cracking up.

Then the girl said, "He might even sing something a little risqué". So, of course, I said, "Oh good, I am on my way to teach Bible Study." His eyes got really round, but without missing a beat he went into a very melodic rendition of "Shout To The Lord".

Ahhh… so grateful for moments of humor in this life. 

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In closing, 

and speaking of songs,

and to reward anyone who has made it this far in such a rambling post,

here is a song that has been on repeat on my Ipod lately. All about hope. My favorite line: "Those who are broken are becoming the chosen". That is good news for everyone isn't it? Because who isn't, right? I know it is good news for this lady.