Overwhelmed and blessed

It was a gloomy-gray-drizzly-chaotic-rush-out-the-door-make-split second-decision-drop-your-bagel-on-the-sidewalk-peanut-butter-face-down kind of a morning.

Yeah, that good.

K's doctors can't seem to figure out why he continues to have these migraines/seizures. And why am I still hyphenating that, as if we don't know what they actually are?!

Oh, it's because we don't know what they actually are. That's right. Now I remember. Educated, experienced doctors of the brain are scratching their heads.

I can handle being told, "we don't really know what is going on with your son." -However, what is beginning to rile the inner mama-bear is this attitude of, "let's just increase his meds!"

Ummm, no.

How about we put the time into really getting to the bottom of this? How about we run some more tests, get some more minds onto this, look deeper at the root issues, and make a more informed plan?

Lesson #1: I am the mom. I am going to have to say what I am thinking, do what I am expecting them to do, and advocate to get what I feel K needs.

They won't just do it.

Lesson learned.


Insert moment of  honesty-

Friends, my head is spinning and I am feeling crazy overwhelmed a little bit frustrated. Oops, moment of honesty. Okay - crazy overwhelmed. 

There is just so much. So, so much in my life right now. I had a conversation with Dave the other day (I seriously have no idea what day it was. I say "the other day" to pretend that I am just throwing out a casual term, when in reality I just plain do not know the day), we were discussing how completely constant our life has become. He said, "but as I am thinking of all that we are involved in, I can see that it is all stuff that we have been called to do!"

And he's right. I just have to pray earnestly for the grace to do the things he has called me to. I trust that God would not put things into my life and and then leave me to flounder and face being overwhelmed.

Unless, of course, I am trying to do them all in my own strength. Which, I might add, is a daily battle.

So much of what is in our lives, these things that may make me feel anxious and run-down, are also our greatest blessings. Funny how that goes isn't it??

I just told Dave, on one of about 487 phone conversations I have had with him today (Oh yay! I actually remembered the day I had this conversation!), that right now all I really want to do is snuggle up under my down comforter with a cup of hot cocoa, and just be still. Completely still for a few hours.

Every now and then rest like this is very, very good. Even essential. But the whisper to my heart right now is saying, "keep going. You can do this. Press on."

I am not here on earth to rest and be pampered. Those moments are special treats, and I believe that God delights in our pleasure and joy in resting and being pampered. But only as dessert. A little icing on the cake. The main course is a life of service. I am here to serve. And I know that he will give me the fuel needed.

{Deep breath}

Now to press forward and live my busy blessed life. :)