Thursday, October 20, 2011

 Overwhelmed and blessed

It was a gloomy-gray-drizzly-chaotic-rush-out-the-door-make-split second-decision-drop-your-bagel-on-the-sidewalk-peanut-butter-face-down kind of a morning.

Yeah, that good.

K's doctors can't seem to figure out why he continues to have these migraines/seizures. And why am I still hyphenating that, as if we don't know what they actually are?!

Oh, it's because we don't know what they actually are. That's right. Now I remember. Educated, experienced doctors of the brain are scratching their heads.

I can handle being told, "we don't really know what is going on with your son." -However, what is beginning to rile the inner mama-bear is this attitude of, "let's just increase his meds!"

Ummm, no.

How about we put the time into really getting to the bottom of this? How about we run some more tests, get some more minds onto this, look deeper at the root issues, and make a more informed plan?

Lesson #1: I am the mom. I am going to have to say what I am thinking, do what I am expecting them to do, and advocate to get what I feel K needs.

They won't just do it.

Lesson learned.

Insert moment of  honesty-

Friends, my head is spinning and I am feeling crazy overwhelmed a little bit frustrated. Oops, moment of honesty. Okay - crazy overwhelmed. 

There is just so much. So, so much in my life right now. I had a conversation with Dave the other day (I seriously have no idea what day it was. I say "the other day" to pretend that I am just throwing out a casual term, when in reality I just plain do not know the day), we were discussing how completely constant our life has become. He said, "but as I am thinking of all that we are involved in, I can see that it is all stuff that we have been called to do!"

And he's right. I just have to pray earnestly for the grace to do the things he has called me to. I trust that God would not put things into my life and and then leave me to flounder and face being overwhelmed.

Unless, of course, I am trying to do them all in my own strength. Which, I might add, is a daily battle.

So much of what is in our lives, these things that may make me feel anxious and run-down, are also our greatest blessings. Funny how that goes isn't it??

I just told Dave, on one of about 487 phone conversations I have had with him today (Oh yay! I actually remembered the day I had this conversation!), that right now all I really want to do is snuggle up under my down comforter with a cup of hot cocoa, and just be still. Completely still for a few hours.

Every now and then rest like this is very, very good. Even essential. But the whisper to my heart right now is saying, "keep going. You can do this. Press on."

I am not here on earth to rest and be pampered. Those moments are special treats, and I believe that God delights in our pleasure and joy in resting and being pampered. But only as dessert. A little icing on the cake. The main course is a life of service. I am here to serve. And I know that he will give me the fuel needed.

{Deep breath}

Now to press forward and live my busy blessed life. :)


Katarina said...

*hugs* my friend. Although I cannot comprehend all that your family does and goes through, I know what it is like to be crazy overwhelmed!
Praying that Christ will strengthen and uphold you for He calls those who are weary and heavy laden to come to Him for He will give us rest.
Praying too that you can let Him do through you what He alone is capable of..

DidiLyn said...

Beautiful post. Sometimes I chase after "dessert" instead of enjoying dinner.
Thanks for posting.Diane

Anthony and Ashleys Mommy said...

Have you tried him on a gluten free diet? I've read a lot lately how they are connecting people with siezures as having gluten allergies. I know that stuff was horrible for Anthony and since he's been off it, he's feeling so much better.


Leslie Payne said...

Kim's comment on gluten-free diet might sound overwhelming, but very well might lead to some answers.

When I was in my twenties (I am now 50) with some horrible, unexplained health issues a test showed seizure-like activity in my brain. I was put on some horrible drug that made me a zombie.

Later a doctor at Johns Hopkins said, "I wonder what would happen if you went off gluten." (This was back in the early '80's when no one had heard of gluten!) I got off gluten, got off the zombie medicine, and many, many (not all) of the physical issues disappeared.

Susan said...

This is related to the other gluten comments...this video explains that our bodies have a hard time assimilating certain things in grains and beans, and "in the olden days" before instant everything, they used to prepare foods in ways that helped to break these things down so they were much more digestible and there were alot less problems with auto-immune disorders and bowel problems, as well as all kinds of assorted other ways these things caused us trouble. This video explains some easy steps (soaking oatmeal, rice, beans, and pancake mix with whey or with apple cider vinegar) to break down gluten and harsh indigestible components of certain grains and legumes. She makes lots of sense...but it does require a little adjustment:

Proper preparation of grains and legumes video

It might be worth a try...?

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

It is so hard to find the fine line in our lives between living like a servant and living like a martyr. I hear you. I love you. Keep seeking Him.

Jenn said...

Such a thoughtful and truthful post! I will pray for the doctors to have wisdom and also for K.

Nikki said...

Love you and love your heart. Praying for your family and especially for K...and especially for you and Dave as you parent him...and especially for the other boys, too!