Dumping out my brain, onto the blog

Kai learned how to get out of his crib all by himself yesterday.

\Boom - now any kind of parental constraining is over. Gone. Just like that.

As gone as babyhood.

I laid him down in his crib. Kissed his chubby cheek, walked downstairs, closed the stair way door, and began to clean the house.

About an hour later, I turned around because I thought I heard a noise that sounded suspiciously like the stair way door opening... and there he was.

We eyed each other for a while. He looked down, a little guilty like, but raised his eyes to mine. it was like he was asking, "am I in trouble? I did something that I think is really cool... but I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble."

I just stood there for a minute, aligning my mental response to this. The only thing that I could think in that moment was, "This is it. The crib is going to be coming down for the last time! I'm not sure I'm ready for this..."

Ready or not...

I walked over to him, took his hand and said, "Did you just get out of your crib all by yourself?"

I could see his eyes light up. "Oh, maybe she isn't mad!" 

"Yee-ahhhh!" - Was his response, with plenty of up and down head movement to go along with it.

I asked him if he got any "owies', and he showed me his hand and said "owe", but I'm guessing the owes must not have been too bad, based on how incredibly happy he was over the entire incident.


We moved K up to the next age group's Sunday school class at church a couple of weeks ago. He is now in a group with a very wide age span; 2nd-6th grade. I didn't think it through thoroughly enough, and it has become apparent that, much like at school, he will need someone with him to help him focus, and to redirect his attention. He tends to get in his own little world sometimes, and that hinders his learning, as well as distracting the other kids.

As K gets older I find that we have many new obstacles to climb. Oh you guys, I just have to tell you how very unqualified I feel I am for this sometimes! I want to include him in things that others his age are doing... I want to encourage him to reach his highest potential, but there are so many differences in parenting him than in parenting our other boys. Sometimes I feel at such a loss. My heart is so tender when it comes to that boy. This morning I left him in the school parking lot with his new aide and he was screaming and crying because he didn't want to go to school. I had little tears in my eyes, because I know how hard it is for his aide to deal with this kind of behavior. I don't know why he does this sometimes, and I just beg for wisdom as I seek to help him work on his attitude.

Sometimes this is just hard. 

Hard, hard, hard.

I get tired and I feel overwhelmed. I don't want everyone to know this.

I want them to see the shining, happy, well rested, ready to take on anything that comes in to my path.

So, here I am publishing this remark, to help me get over myself,

"Sometimes this is very, very hard, and I feel like I didn't sign up for this, therefore I can't do it."


You know what I love?

Besides cheesecake.


And caramel brulee latte's...

I love that God's power in me helps me to do things that are too hard for me. I don't have to run and hide when I get all freaked out at my life (do you ever get all freaked out at your life??).

Because, really?  He wants me to get to that place where I realize the overwhelmed feeling that comes when I try to do this on my own.

Okay, He's got me right where he wants me. *smile*


You know what I hate?

Besides mice in my house.

And parallel parking.

I hate the feeling of being behind in housework/organization, and how that just looms over my head. I feel like it steals good family moments and an over all peaceful and relaxed feeling.

I seriously struggle with being disciplined. I am praying that I continue learning what I need to do to make this a sweet, peaceful, organized, warm, and loving home. Well - Dave takes care of the warm part, because he is the king of cutting and stacking wood, and filling the wood stove. Except that he probably has a behind feeling looming over his head on that stuff too. Who has time for that when they run on his schedule? No one.

Any one want to come cut and stack some wood? And while you're here - feel free to throw in a load of laundry. Or two.

For real though, how do you guys do it? How do you get your home looking fabulous, while planning for and making the meals, while raising the kids, while trying to run a small business, while investing in your kids spiritual lives, while working out, while being involved in ministry, while trying to meet the needs of those around you?


Lily is officially in remission. After just two weeks. Amazing! This does not mean that she is carefree and done. Not in the least. She's in the hospital right now dealing with a recurring fever and no immune system while losing her hair, getting poked and prodded, having intense leg pain. And a rash. So prayers are being answered all over the place, and still greatly needed!

If some one had told me a few months ago that this weekend I would be going to Detroit to photograph a wedding, I likely would have written them off as certifiably crazed.

And laughed.

Guess what I am doing tomorrow?

Yep. Camera battery is charging, and creative inspiration is flowing

 I can't wait to show you some of the pictures! Trying to hold my nervous energy at bay...


I'm thinking about writing a blog post about finances sometime. It's kind of hard to know how much to open that subject up to the general public. And yet, I feel it is a subject that we need to be talking about.

Raising a family on one income is possible.

Tithing is important.

Trusting God for just enough is tricky, and oh-so-powerful.

Trying to keep up with everyone and get the latest and greatest of everything is not necessary.


And on that note... Dave got a pay cut last week. Enrollment at the university he works at is down. Much lower than the expected, and planned for, goal was. So - here we go.

I have had to be very creative in finances before, I can continue.


Every one of our needs has always been supplied.

And honestly, alot of our wants have come through too. Many in very unexpected ways. God ways.


Okay, brain has been dumped out. I feel much better now.