Friday, September 16, 2011

 The boy with the big quesiton mark; he's mine

There's this 8 year old boy, and some times I can't believe he is mine.

Am I old enough to have an 8 year old boy? 
Oh you crazy lady. Old enough and older!

Was I really entrusted with the responsibility, and given the gift of this 8 year old boy??
Um, that would be affirmative.

Sometimes I forget that what I do fluidly and naturally with him isn't normal. 
Sometimes, because he is mainstreamed in a "regular" second grade class room, and the day-to-day for him, and us, is good, normal, just routine, I forget that I am a mom, parenting special needs.

That will always be who I have become, and a big part of my life.

But I forget.

Yesterday we went to "The Big Hospital".

The one where he and JD were born.

The one that makes my stomach queasy with its smells and memories...

Where I feel anxiety, peace, and adrenaline combining in some strange form of dejavu.

Where the elevators talk to us, and we always giggle at them.

It was routine yesterday. Every 6 months we go there to see his neurologist, and it was time.

But this visit did help me remember - that what we deal with in our adventures of parenting isn't necessarily the norm.

While we were at the appointment K had one of his "episodes".

Migraine? Seizure?

It has been diagnosed, at different time, as both. Each. One, and then the other.

Most recently it has been migraines. 

These spells of shaking, confusion, stiff neck, and holding his head

It has been the topic of many a doctor appointment,
Many a test.
Many a concern for this mama...

Many a lesson in trusting God with the little man that he has put into my life.

I talked here about the time that we did 5 days of continuous video and EEG monitoring, to try to get to the bottom of our concerns.

Well, that ended up not really helping much at all.

Because the doctors never could induce one of these "episodes" in K, they determined that it must not be seizure activity.

After the nurse finally saw, with her own eyes, what he has been experiencing, she told us, and the neurologist, that everything about it looked like a seizure to her.

So, he examined,
and we discussed,
and another try at the 5 day continuous EEG monitoring was mentioned,
and finally, the very knowledgeable, learned, educated doctor said, 

...."Hmmm. I don't know."

I can appreciate his honestly.

And I can try to accept the fact that I may always be parenting a child with a bold question mark over his head.

I can do this. 

It's okay.

He's still my K.

 Yeah, that one.
The one with the grin that lights up a room and a contagious giggle.

That's my boy.

Question mark or no question mark.

He's my K.

No question about how much I love that little man.



Kristin said...

I have been waiting for a blog post ever since the small tears and cracking voice in my entry way this morning. Writing is such a beautiful way for you to process and share with the world. So glad that I get to be a part of it. Love you dearly.

Sarah said...

You do it with such ease, that I forget you're parenting such a special little guy. The "not knowing" in life is tough to swallow, especially with our kids. You sharing your journey glorifies God, and encourages all of us. Thank you {hug}

Arlona said...

Loved the blog, the message and the pictures are so precious. Thanks for sharing, Wendi and reminding us of our need to continue to pray for K. He is so precious.

BARBIE said...

And your "K" is a beautiful child! You are a good mama!

Leslie J. Payne said...

My younger cousin was born special needs 29 years ago. The doctors said she's never walk, never talk, part of her brain was missing. They didn't understand her dangerously high fevers which brought on seizure like episodes. The question mark remains. Yet she doesn't care...She's beautiful, hardly ever stops talking, and you work hard to keep up with her when she walks. She has a job and lives independently with a little support. She loves Jesus and she brightens our world! Keep loving your handsome young K.

Megan said...

His question marks make him exactly who he is. YOUR K! :)

And in his timing and God's, as a mom experiencing YOUR "normal," everyone will slowly discover these question marks that makes him so uniquely special.