Monday, December 13, 2010

 The fine art of compromise

com.pro.mise [kom-pruh-mize] :
A settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.


************************************************************************************

  So, alot of  reciprocal modification of demands going on over here.


You have way more responsibilities than you have ever had in our 9 years of marriage. Way more.

Who knew school work would be such an every day part of your life at age thirty (something)?

Night time kid duty has to be mine. You don't get up at 5am because you want to (ha! That would be the day, huh?) It is necessity; therefore, any interruptions to your sleep must be intercepted by me. 

In the past 2 weeks those interruptions have included: a three year old puking, a five year old scared (out of his ever lovin' mind) of a spider (it was, in fact, a shadow), a one year old requiring breathing treatments every 2 hours for a few nights, and a 2 hour screaming-for-no-apparent reason session with a one year old. I took those duties, and they drained me.

You, however, were on duty in the early am. While I was still in our warm bed. Out to work so that you could provide for all of us. Studying for hours for a course that you strongly dislike (to put it nicely). Only a few more weeks of this course, and then on to the next one - which is sure to be more to your liking. You drop into bed at night, knowing a new definition of exhaustion.

{Compromise}

You make sure there is food on our table, wood in our wood furnace, to heat our home, guidance in our hearts, and leadership in our family.

I really don't envy your job.

I get everyone around in the mornings and out the door by 8:15 to get the two older boys to school. You usually pick them up in the afternoons. This past week I woke up the two younger ones from the afternoon nap and ventured out on slippery snow covered roads so that I could pick the boys up and you could get some extra study hours in.

{Compromise}

You took over duties here at home, including breathing treatments and consoling a very sick baby boy, in your overly tired state, so that I could get out to my Mom2mom Christmas party at the Olive Garden.

You were on call at work this weekend. Big Cold Crazy snowstorm weekend. Shoveling snow for an entire university campus any one? Not your first choice. But you did it. While finishing up a paper. And running in to church to complete some ministry commitments.

And I took over home and kid duties. For two long days. On very little sleep. And the power went off because of said Big Cold Crazy snowstorm. And power stayed off for eight hours.

And I wanted to cry. And little bad attitude, self pitying thoughts began to spider web through my mind. The desire to compare was strong. Who deserves more accolades? Who is more tired? Who is working the hardest?  

And I knew I could not go there. That is not what this is about. This is about sustaining one another. Loving one another through a very demanding time in our lives. It's about... compromise. Supporting, adjusting, encouraging, loving. Not comparing, but building up.

Pretty sure we stood in front of all of our family and friends almost 10 years ago and promised that we would do those things.

So I prayed, and prayed, and prayed some more. And I know you were doing the same.

Praying -to be sustained in this season of life. Where we are each giving more and resting less. It's not forever. And, as we talked about Thursday night (during a glorious few hours of together with out responsibilities time) we know, really really know, that there is a higher purpose to all of this. We don't know specifics, but yeah, God guided us here and will not be leaving us here.

Love you so much. Love that you are patient with me when I feel like I am simply at the end of being able to give any more. Love that I am seeing a tenacious perseverance in you that demands my attention and respect.

We can do this. We can do this. We can do this.  :) You amaze me.

10 comments:

Nikki said...

Oh Wendi, this is beautiful! The selfless, sacrifical, compromising love you and Dave have for each other is something that gives me shivers. I've only been married 1.5 years, and to think of the sharing and sacrificing and truly becoming one that takes place over nearly 10 years is such an encouragement. Even in the hard times, the no-sleep times, you encourage.

Merry Christmas

sara said...

simply..beautiful.

Leslie said...

this is beautiful... seriously.

Amy@My Front Porch said...

You are a WONDERFUL wife Wendi! Such a good example!

Megan said...

This post... this dear heartfelt post is what so many marriages are missing now a days, and is in which they end up in tragic divorce.
Compromise... why your marriage will last for eternity.
God NEVER told us it would be easy... but He did know it would be worth it! :)

Sometimes I think the same way... "Mother's have the MUCH harder job." But I don't think that is true. I think husbands hold a lot more weight on their shoulders. Good, God fearing husbands... <3
For them, I am so grateful!

arlona said...

Glad that the weather cleared so I could come and relieve you of caring for the boys. What a pleasure! I know that you need time away especially when Dave is at school and the boys were not in school today. You had a long weekend and not even able to get to church. The boys are so worth it though. Glad that you are their momma and that you are Dave's wife. I love you.

Jodie | Velour said...

This is great. I needed to read it too because I know that temptation to compare who is doing more.... nobody wins that game. I needed that reminder because I have gone there in my mind and it really is feckless and such a waste of time.
Sweet post. I love it.

fyi: My word verification is umsting... and yeah, that's what I say about this post.. umm, sting. :)

Hayley said...

i needed this tonight.

thank you.

Jenn said...

Wendi, this was a beautiful tribute to your marriage. This is absolutely what we all need to do in times of difficulty...Compromise is SO important!

Jackie@Our Moments, Our Memories said...

How did you get so smart? :) I need this reminder right now - it's too easy to mentally play the "who's doing more" game, and to feel sorry for yourself in the midst of less than pleasant circumstances, when you are completely drained, tired, exhausted.

But I agree - when my hubby's alarm goes off at 5:02 every morning, and when he usually doesn't get home until after 7 each night...I don't envy his job either. :)