Monday, September 13, 2010

 This is us:

Last weekend my parents were here. I have been getting to see alot of them this year - and that is good.

Our time together was good.

Like my mom in a bounce house and feeding a giraffe good.

Like sitting on the floor talking about life good.

Like my dad bonding with my husband over a dead pig good (long story about a church picnic, a campout, and a very handsome "professional pig roaster").

And in some ways it was eye opening and strange.

Like realizing how much I revert into baby-girl-wanting-mom-and-dad's-approval when my parents are at my house. Still.

I am the baby - and yet I am almost 30.

Defensiveness when our conversation revealed those personal spiritual differences.

Cringing every time one of the boys acted in disobedience and natural selfishness. (There may have been alot of cringing).

I know I am loved deeply by my family. Accepted even, no matter what. But perhaps I will forever be the baby girl wanting that validation...

Winds of change are blowing strong over at our house.

These changes both terrify and exhilarate me.

Change and I ...have always been rather leery of each other.

And here it is. Two in school- and with that, some of what has defined me for the past 7 years shifts.

Mommy. Consumed with needs. Dependant little ones all day every day. Diapers, and feeding, and wiping, and shoe tying. Just to do it all over again. Constant. In the midst of it, I couldn't see around it.

And suddenly around it is here. Right here, right now.

Friday morning, 1:00 pm: Kai and Noe go down for a nap at the same time (not an every day occurrence), K and Jay still at school. I descended the stairs to silence. You could almost hear this whooshing turning to a grinding slower and slower and then BOOM - a stop.
"Hmmm, I wonder what task I should complete first." What?! What was that?

I could hear myself think. For real. For the first time in eons.

It was so quiet and something felt strange. Off track.

Do I start into the Hallelujah Chorus and do a ridiculous dance (they would all be ridiculous to me cause I have no moves...)? Do I begin feverishly cleaning? Or do I just collapse on the floor and weep?

No one will ever know exactly what actually happened on that Friday afternoon - but it may have involved some form of each of those things.

So much different and new. Each member of our family is being stretched and challenged. Our fluidity is being tested - how easily can we adapt, with our sanity, thankfulness, and patience still intact?

Mommy and daddy figuring out glimpses of time for them. Time to remember, and smile, and relax, and maybe even flirt a little bit.

All day school is big when you are five.

Big like not always having mommy there to show you where to go - and perhaps shedding a few tears.

Big like new people, new experiences.

Missing brothers (and the sweetest hugs when reunited).

A new schedule that is so much more fast paced than you are used to.

Ups and downs - so much higher up and lower down. So much closer together.

The new and unknown and fatigue manifesting into fits that can last upwards of an hour - over things that aren't really what they are about.

Still working out the twists and turns in our schedule for next month, when daddy begins school for his bachelors degree in Management and Organizational Development. School until 10 on Monday nights + waking at 4:45 on Tuesday mornings may = some rough days. But we are doing this - and I am behind him 100% supporting him in this endeavor and being his biggest cheer leader.

In the midst of all the new, all of what is changing in my life, who I am, what I do; a little one decides he may be done nursing. Can we just do one change at a time? Please? No? Okay, okay, I can do this.

Embrace the change, embrace the change.





We are loving stronger, noticing more, hugging longer, and holding fervently to God and his Word.

This is us, mid September 2010.


Mama Belle said...

Definitely embrace the change. Love every season because before you know it it's over.

Amy@My Front Porch said...

Change and I don't always get along very well either. It's so funny too, because once I've adapted, I look back and can't imagine things being the way they used to be. But when you're going through it, it's not always easy or fun. Praying for you in this transitional season of life...especially knowing I'm about to enter one myself!

Rachel said...

These are some huge changes in your life for sure. I love how you put it into words - and I know you can do this :)

une autre mère said...

Ugh - change. Not my favorite word. At all. Especially lately. We've been undergoing some very similar changes around here and I'm not always sure how to handle it. Good thing I don't have to do it alone! ;)

Jenn said...

Change can be so hard, but you wrote about it so beautifully.

Amanda said...

wendi...everything you write is beautiful...even the ordinary. love you friend.

Tonya said...

so I have just read your blog through my reader. But I clicked through today and hear Needtobreathe playing. I love them and saw them in concert in March! Great choice of songs :)

Little Candle said...

Oh my...this made me cry. Change is so bitter sweet when you are a Mama. I can't wait to hear more about your new journey. God will be faithful to give you what you need. Hugs!

The Sneaky Mommy said...

I agree with change being bittersweet as a mom! I should just know...September = change. But I forget! Thankfully God doesn't change--He is so faithful, loving, and full of strength to carry us!
*This is where I'd invite you over for coffee and a kleenex... ;)