The bond I never wanted to share

*Takes a deep breath*

Okay. Hi.

Last Wednesday a friend, who I have known for most of my life, experienced an indescribably heartbreak.
 Her four month old son Gabriel died in his sleep.

Indescribable.

I know some of the pain that is now a part of her daily life. Not all, but I know the nature of this kind of pain.

As I have held her and her beautiful family up in love and prayers I have had much to process.

And I wished that there was not over 400 miles separating us. So much.

One of my first thoughts when I heard the tragic news was that I just wanted to be there.

I knew - in so much cruel clarity - that there was nothing I could do.

Nothing.

And really nothing I could say either. - But I just wanted to cry with her and look in her eyes and tell her how sorry I was.

And so we went.

And we cried.

A lot.

And I fell in love with my husband all over again.

And I never held my kids as tight as I did that night.

And I learned a new kind of pain -The helpless feeling of watching some one you love go through  the most horrifying heartbreak.

But I felt God in an almost tangible way.

I saw a family who in the midst of their grief knew exactly where to go and who to cry out to.

I experienced things that this world can not even touch.

I watched something unfold that was bigger than me.

I felt a bond that I would've given anything not to share with her.

I don't want to have this bond.

Not with her.

But here it is.

We are in this together.

God is good all the time.

She's not always going to feel it.

I don't always feel it.

But we both know it.

Deep down inside where nothing can barge in and alter it

We know that HE IS GOOD.

And as we wait for the fullness of his good to come to pass -

We cry. We question. We hope.

Gabe was one of the most beautiful little boys I have ever seen. And I have seen my share of beautiful boys - let me tell you!

Gabe was loved so intensely in his four months.

So, so much. I see something amazing in the memories of Gabe that they have shared. And I think in retrospect they can see it too.  - The Spirit whispering to them time and time again in a beautiful four month span of time: "Kiss him again" "Hold him close" "Don't put him down right now, you're going to want to remember this moment"  "Take that picture" "Dance with him" "Cling to him" "Love him with out limits".

And so they did.

Praying friends - would you join me in lifting this family up? They need us. Now more than ever, they really need us.