And sometimes I cry over "briefs"

Poor lady on the other end of the phone this morning. Poor, poor lady. She didn't do anything wrong. And it's certainly not her fault that my 7 year old is not potty trained. Not her fault at all. And I need to stop thinking it is my fault too. There is a possibility that I could put him on a better schedule - trying to just build habits - teach him... somehow. I don't know. There is so much I just don't know. But this morning when I called to order more "youth briefs" (big ugly diapers) and ended up in tears.... it was just nobodies fault. And the lady helping me out was a bit at a loss... This is a part of parenting K that I don't talk about often. I have a hard time with it. He's smart. All of his doctors seem to think he can get this. I am left wondering if I have done something wrong, or have been too busy with the other boys, or have not been diligent enough. Right now the truth of the situation seems to be that he just can't feel enough to know when he has to go, or has gone. We are beginning to think it is a physical issue, which may not be resolved. We just don't know. But he's seven, and he's in kindergarten, and we have to buy jeans a size or so too big for him so that they will go over the bulk of the big ugly diaper... and something in me just feels so sad. All of these alarms go off in my head. They say that worrying about silly stuff like this is indulgent and petty . They sound off in my head: "Guilty!" "Stop!" "He's breathing, He's alive!" "Don't worry about things that don't matter" Over and over. But the alarms in my head can do nothing to stop the truth - that right now, to me, it does matter. I can not deny my honest struggles. It does matter. Hey you - "he's breathing, he's alive!" alarm. Yeah, you. I appreciate the way you help me keep perspective, but you have to lay off a bit. We had been getting shipments of 2 "youth briefs" per day. I called today to increase to five. Because we were trying to train - and only have him in them part time. But he was saying "no" when the answer was "yes" and he was asking me if he had gone - and he was confused - and I was stressed - and that was stressing him out - and I am training Noe, and he is getting it (finally). I know the difference. So I said we need more and she questioned why - and we had to go through all of this insurance stuff and she questioned some more... And I cried.