{Two months}

To Baby Kai at two months of age: This month you have begun to do alot of new things. You are changing very rapidly. I have seen this happen with three other little guys, so I shouldn't be surprised, but I still am. You are noticing every thing around you like it is all new and beautiful. You love lights. We're talking a serious obsession with all things bright and lit up. It's the cutest thing! You look at me, make sure you have eye contact, then look at whatever light has gotten your fancy at the time, and then back at me like, "MOM it LIGHTS UP!! For REAL! LOOK AT IT!!" And then you proceed to stare at it with wide eyes until some thing else more important calls for your attention. -Like perhaps a rumbly tummy. Meals are more important than lights. Way more important. How can a mom ever explain with words the love they have for their baby? It's like this soft and silent feeling and this big and tangible warmth. My love for you is huge. The adoration in your eyes is so sweet. You track me with your eyes all around the room. Wherever I go - you make sure you know where it is. Sometimes you have to crane your neck and twist your head at odd angles, but you keep track of me quite well. I haven't figured out yet if it is really me that you are keeping track of, or your beloved food source. :) - Which of course IS me, but I am alot more than just that little buddy (You are, indeed, a boy). Your grins are disarming. Dimpled toothless grins - really, what could be better?? You have just started adding some squeals and coos to those grins. I find myself spending insane amounts of time saying ridiculous senseless phrases and doing cheesy immature things just to get a glimpse of your grin and hear a little coo from you. Crazy what babies do to mommies! Complete silliness! Last night I put all of your 0-3 month clothes away. I thought I would sob. I didn't. It has been really exciting to see you grow and be such a healthy boy. I love the 3-6 month outfits I was able to get out for you. It feels good to be moving forward. Perhaps the tears will come at some point, but right now seeing you mature and sleep more at night is just plain thrilling! (That 6 hour stretch you slept last night - could you do it again, please??! Because those 3 hour periods you like to do sometimes make mom a little grumpy...) We have struggled a bit this month with your tummy troubles and reflux, but I think we are finally getting somewhere with that. Your chiropractor is wonderful and you seem to really like him too. He always warns me that you may be fussy when he adjusts you, but every time you smile at him while he does it. It makes me smile too. We go twice a week and it seems to be slowly making things better and better for you. I still must have a burp cloth handy always, but the spitting up doesn't seem to be bothering you much any more. You are one content little guy. Your hair still gets attention wherever we go. It is so dark and thick! I even use conditioner on your hair when I wash it. I can't help but play with it. After baths you get little mohawks and crazy spiky hairdos. Your brothers and I do enjoy some crazy hair fun with our baby. You just like the attention. :) You have made life very busy for us little man. I still haven't quite learned this "mom to 4" thing very well. I am pretty unorganized and scattered most of the time. Nursing you takes precedence over alot of other things. I am late to almost every thing. We are working on it... *Sigh* Right now you are this cuddly, chubby, little bundle of innocence. Last night I was cradling you close to me. You have this way of just melting into me when I hold you. You are the epitome of softness. My heart did that fluttery sigh that it does when we cuddle. And as I looked at you I thought of the harsh realities of life. You will not always be in the protection of my arms. You will grow up and face a world that is getting farther and farther away from good every day. You will face hurt and sadness. Evil and heartbreak. You will be faced with hard choices and you will be tempted. And I hate that. Oh how I wish I could change that. I would give my very life to take hurt out of yours. But I can't. So, I will do what I can. My God given job of caring for you. Shepherding you. Showing you the way to go. Cheering you on through life's sweet moments. Crying with you through the not so sweet. Letting you go. And loving you fiercely through it all. ~Mommy