The yucky ones

Some days I feel so blessed so full so amazed so joyful Life feels just right. And then... Well, then there are the days that are just plain - yucky. You know the ones... yucky really is the only {G-rated} word that you can use to describe them. And boy oh boy have I had a few of those lately. Those days when you find out that financial changes are coming and you may have to be very creative to make ends meet... When you suspect that this may cause many changes and you may just have to give up some things that will be very hard to give up. {And change is not something you love.} When schedules and priorities have to be rearranged. When you find out there is so very little that you can eat that does not cause your sweet little baby to spit up and choke - and spit up, and then do it some more - every two hours - at every feeding. This becomes especially exhausting at night when you must stay alert after feedings to make sure that your sweet little baby is not choking - but is indeed breathing. And that becomes really hard. Like, really, really hard. When you are hungry, but knowing that what you put into your body so affects another precious little body, you just stand at the fridge wondering... And decisions have to be made - like do you need to stop nursing and get the specialized {expensive} formula for babies with really sensitive tummys and possible allergies... And for some reason it just makes you terribly emotional. When you notice that communication is just not happening well between you and your husband. And little things begin to crumble because of it. And it doesn't feel good. {At all.} When you are too exhausted to fix things. When you know you need to talk. And you are way backed up on things that need to be talked about, but this season in life is just full of tired and so full of little ones needing so much. And when the little ones are all tucked in for the night and all is finally taken care of, well - one {or two} of you is asleep. When you try to prevent your child's seizures by a combination of medications which end up making him sleepy. Sleepy is not good when you are finally preparing to extend his school day by 3 more hours. Too sleepy is an overdose. Not enough medication could stop preventing seizures... A rock and a hard place. When you want, so badly, to be intentional in your parenting. to nurture your children spiritually. To focus on their hearts. And you notice that lately all you have been doing is meeting their physical needs. You see they are always fed, have clean clothes, are taken to the bathroom, but beyond that you begin to feel you may be failing them. And it is hard. And you have to combat the guilt. And you have to just fall to your knees. And you must realize that tomorrow is another day. And hope that it will be less yucky. Because sometimes hoping for less yucky is such a vast improvement... But those yucky days, those are the days that your true character comes out. When God shows you the ugly stuff that needs cleaned out. And you know that you would not know what to purge if you were not shown {the yucky}. And you realize this is only a season. And some day you will look back and see it as a growing season.