He and I...

Someday he and I will look back at the stage in our lives when we felt that heart stopping high of finding out that our lives would be changing forever - and a new one would be entering the world. We will never forget the days of growing. Laughing at how hard it became for me to tie my own shoes or bend down to change a diaper. How I would beg him for a diet coke to go with my home made pretzel. And our hearts will swell at the beauty in our minds as we recall each miraculous birth. J.D, K, Jay, Noe, and Kai. Every time the awe and wonder of the moment filled us with indescribable emotion. So many memories, little and big. So many tears - and grins. Heartbreak and joy. It mingles together in the file of our memories which holds the "baby years". We will look back and remember this season. The season where we are potty training two, transporting one to preschool, and coaching one through kindergarten. The stage where we slip into our room each night beyond any kind of tired we have ever experienced. The nights where we settle in for our daily Bible reading together as a couple and a tiny head rests on the pillow between us. Mealtimes are a flurry of finding sippy cups, cutting up food, encouraging bites, hurrying through so that the baby can get his meal too... And always what will stick out in my mind is he and I. No matter how busy the days are, no matter how sleep deprived we get, no matter how rough of a day it may have been, we are in it together. -Have always been in it together. Some days we "divide and conquer" in a "you take two and I'll take two and we'll get this done!" kind of a way. Other days one of us ends up with the majority of the work load with them all. But it is always a team effort. Last night he just looked at me in that way. The kind of look that makes me self conscious. The kind of look that makes me wish I had spent more time making myself worthy of it. He told me he was amazed by me and how hard I work every day. Tears pooled in my eyes because hearing that was the best possible thing for me at that moment. With out his encouragement I would struggle to do all that needs to be done. With it I feel like I can accomplish so much more. We are in it together. He often takes the three older ones and does something fun with them. Kai and I are pretty attached right now and he knows that his help with the other boys is so wonderful. He has been nothing short of fabulous. I so vividly remember that moment when he was taking K to the ER while I was still in labor an hour and a half away from them. We were on the phone together facing this crazy moment. We couldn't believe it was all happening. I knew he needed to be with K. I didn't want it any other way. I felt his support with me in an almost tangible way. As much as I wanted him there at the birth of our fifth son - he had been/has been so very supportive of me so many times and in so many ways that I was energized and encouraged. I knew I could do it. I knew that even if he wasn't physically by my side - he would still very much be with me. But he was there. And he was amazing. When I thought I didn't have the strength needed to complete the task of bringing Kai into the world - there was his smile. His touch. His words. His sparkling eyes. "You can do this! You are almost there! He is almost here!" And I felt such joy, even in my exhaustion, as I watched him cradle his son in his arms. He is the one there with the tall glass of water when I forget how important it is to hydrate myself these days. He is the one offering me a nap when he has some free time to spend with the boys. He is the one making supper on days when I just don't have the energy for one more thing. He is the reason I am not behind in housework right now. He is the one transporting the older boys to awana at church. When I am frustrated by the "post baby jello belly" he is always there with words of affirmation. And some day - when this stage of life turns to the next, and then the next - when we find ourselves suddenly in our home with out all of this flurry of busy and tasking, when our boys are off trying their wings - we will face each other in a new way. Not as mommy and daddy. Not as nurse and disciplinarian. Not in the way that will have defined us for so long. And I firmly believe that because this has been he and I and because this has been such a team effort, we will embrace that stage of life as well. We will miss the sweet moments with our little boys when they grow up. We will treasure the memories, but then we will smile. We will hold hands and take long walks. No doubt as we read the Bible together daily we will miss that little head that used to lay on the pillow between us. But we will smile over the fact that we can actually be close to one another. Our hearts might ache over the empty bedrooms, but we will know that together with God we were taken on an amazing journey of parenting. And I hope - oh how I hope - that we will be able to take joy in four boys who will wholeheartedly be serving God and seeking Him with all of their hearts. I love this he and I.