Faith and distraction

I remember this stage in my other pregnancies... You are so close to the end, but not to a "safe" point yet Sleep does not come easily It's so hard to bend down To put put on your shoes... or shave your legs or change a diaper Breathing isn't that easy either You have to be busy to keep your mind from wondering: When will we meet him? How will it all go? Oh, I am so ready... Wait, wait , wait, I'm not. We need lots more time. He doesn't have a dresser, I have to get through a few busy weeks yet.... So, you try to distract yourself by writing, or doing dishes, or thinking about something...anything, but the baby. There is this constant reminder though A basketball where your stomach used to be And you dream of him Day dreams and night dreams.... After finding out that I was almost 2 cm dilated last Wednesday I was a little paranoid. And any one who knows me knows that a little means a darned awful lot.... The following day I had many contractions, they weren't being controlled very well by the medication I was given to relax my uterus. Around noon that day I called Dave and asked if he could come home early. His mom watched the boys while he and I went back to my doctor's office. I was uneasy. I was wondering. I was struggling to have faith that it would all be okay... I was 32 weeks 6 days.... So, she checked me All was fine Every thing was unchanged form the day before She put me on the monitor First a contraction Then they had me put my feet up and completely relax Nothing No contractions, just sweet rest So, we know that when I slow down, all is well And I am taking that much more seriously I was also told to increase my medication from previously "as needed", then "every six hours", to now every four hours. After about 24 hours of that I took myself back to "as needed"... Racing pulse, weakness, bloody noses, nausea, feeling flushed, not myself.... Not worth it if I can just slow down to slow the contractions down Then an FFN test - which came back negative, signifying that I only had a 1% chance of delivering in the next two weeks Thankful relieved hearts... A great weekend - little to no contractions I know he isn't ready, so part of me is so hopeful for those 3 more weeks - Part of me is just so done.... and I scold that part many times a day Patience.... Lungs are one of the last organs to be fully developed and breathing is a good thing, a very good thing What a beautiful sight - when attending the Center for Women's new ultra sound machine dedication yesterday, my baby belly was used to demonstrate and we saw those little lungs Up and down, rhythmic movements And she said, "Look! He's practicing breathing already! He's using his lungs!" Beautiful! Waiting for him. Trying to settle my mind. For whatever happens. Distraction And in the mean time I have: A first day of preschool An unexpected treat of a camera on it's way, since the money set aside for a new dishwasher wasn't needed for that... A looked forward to evening at the Center And then being able to spend some time with a few photographers who really know what they are doing A fresh haircut that I finally had time for More planning for bedroom decor Some baking Maybe even getting out a sweater or two Starting a new season of Mom2mom.... And many sweet dreams. Because distraction can only last so long...