Tuesday, July 28, 2009

 {The winds of change}

The wind ruffled your hair as you ran in the opposite direction of me with your kite. When did you get so big? When did your smile get so bright? When did my emotions become so close to the surface? When was it exactly that you changed my life? The wind blew fierce and cold when your older brother was born. It was a stage in life that required so much of us... The direction of the wind altered when you entered our lives. Busy. Tasking. It was all about babies. You were both very dependent on us. Sometimes keeping up seemed like an unreachable task. And then there seemed to be a ceasing of the tumultuous air current when your little brother came. Of course it was more work, so why did it seem so natural and peaceful? Maybe we were getting used to it. Maybe it was because you and K were growing up - needing less from us. I feel it again. There is change in the air. I don't know what all the changes will be. I feel stronger, yet softer. The wind smells sweet, like maybe the direction it has come from has held honeysuckle and lilacs. I know that all of the changes coming our way will not be sweet. Many will be, but some of the changes may very likely include hurdles that might seem impossible to get over. Some will give us joy beyond compare. Because that's life. The stage of life that was all about babies and dependence is turning into one filled with more freedom, learning, and trying. Swim lessons, VBS, learning to tie your own shoes, spelling your name. Of course we will soon be entering into a baby stage once again, but it is different. In the past it has felt like we had multiple babies. Now we will have big boys and a baby. You are needing so much less from me. Sometimes I am not sure how to handle that. It is beautiful and heart wrenching. Of every one in this house right now, it is YOU, my middle child, who is changing the quickest and most noticeable. That will change too, eventually. You all seem to take turns on the growing, changing, and maturing circuit. You surprise me. You delight me. Yes, we have days where we still really clash. But I must say, the changes that have blown into our home when it comes to you have been incredible and oh so welcomed. Oh God, let me be the best I can be for this child who is so quickly growing up. Help me to cultivate a deep love for you in his heart. That heart is so ripe for knowledge right now. Sometimes I feel beyond inadequate for such a big task. But you know that - and you are just using me for the work YOU are doing. Help us as we embrace a different wind. As we adjust our sails may we rely on you to direct us.


Arlona Mc said...

I love to hear you sing and help both of your brothers, Jay. You are such a help when I am with you, watching you when your mommy is gone. I am blessed to be the grandma that lives near you. You boys are very special to me. Love, Grandma Mc

Lois Lane II said...


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{Jodie} said...

Oh Wendi! So much of this gave me chills.

Being a mom of 3, I can relate to the peacefulness and unexpected ease of the third one. I never expected that he would come into our family so naturally and with much more ease than the first two.

With each child, I too, feel stronger and softer.

I love this post. :)

Can't wait to see what changes baby 4 brings. :)

Gwendolyn said...

I loved this! Beautiful post!