Changes

So many changes coming to our family in the near future. Planning and grinning about some of them, feeling a little bit uncomfortable about others. Because that's how I am. I get used to things. I get comfortable with things. And some things could stay the same forever and I would be so happy. But then I know that to grow things must change. There is an awful lot of excitement in the unknown! I just have to push past the caution and fear. K is going to kindergarten this fall. We finally got word that he will be able to attend the school that we really wanted him in last year. Still so much planning and many meetings to attend. Because you know my K - nothing about him is typical. Paper work, meetings, and special planning must follow him around with each new step we take. :) Kindergartens in our area all just switched to all day. So he will be making the transition from afternoon preschool three days a week, to all day kindergarten 5 days a week. My little boy, Whom I feel so protective of. And yet I know he is so, so ready! Change. Plans underway for Jay to attend a two day per week preschool this fall. Two in school. Some big schedule changes for us. This mama is presently a bit spoiled with just having afternoon preschool to get ready for. Leisurely mornings. Cuddling in our jammies . Late breakfasts. This fall I will need to be up early, and have every one up, fed, and dressed early. Like before 8 early. K has been riding the bus, which gets here around 11:15. Next fall I'm pretty sure I will need to drive him to school. Early. In the midst of transitioning to much less sleep, nursing often, and figuring out the trick to getting four little ones into car seats in the early am. Whew. Change. I can't button any of my pants any more. Change. A new little one. *Grin* Which means less sleep. Juggling four kidos. Learning more multitasking. Transitions. Growing, changing, learning. Change. Yesterday I experienced the sweet reassurance that is hearing that beautiful and strong baby heartbeat. 165 beats per minute. It was wonderful. I never, ever tire of this. I've done this four times, and each time I am blown away and amazed at the process of growing a life inside of me. I hear that "swish-swish-swish" and tears came to my eyes. Change. Tears also poured down K's face. He lost it completely. He is normally so mellow and laid back. I still don't know exactly what it was that upset him so. He knew we would all be going to the hospital for mommy's appointment. He seemed fine with it. Once we were in the parking garage he began getting very nervous. In the waiting room tears began flowing from his darting eyes. He kept saying he wanted to be at home to play his computer, but that is his way. Dave and I saw right through it. He often makes up an excuse for being upset. We knew it was much more than that. Wanting to play his computer is not a K reason to cry. It takes alot for that kids emotions to manifest into tears. Back in the examination room he began screaming, crying, shaking, and just really lost it. Dave had to take him out. Every thing escalated for him when the heart beat doppler was turned on. We were all excited to hear the heart beat, but something about that sound seemed to bother him intensely. All we could think of was something about that sound brought back some bad memories for him, or the frequency was difficult for him. I don't know, but I sure felt badly as I saw how it affected him. I remembered when I was pregnant with Jay I had a heart beat doppler here at home and whenever I would use it K would get upset. He knew we were going to hear the heart beat at my doctor appointment yesterday, so I'm guessing he remembered that it was something that bothered him. Whatever the reason, he certainly let us know that he was not pleased with it. He has been doing that more lately. Changing a bit from his agreeable self to making his thoughts, emotions, opinions, wants very known! In some ways it is so good. Very good to see these typical development milestones showing up in my 6 year old. At the same time it is taking me by surprise and causing me to change some expectations as well as some of the ways I deal with K. Change. A two year old who is abandoning any physical and personality qualities that can be associated with the word "baby". Talking to me in full sentences. Wanting to use the potty (Now if only he could figure out to sit on the potty before he goes...). Ready to leave the crib behind. Change. Growing, changing boys who's appetites have all increased like crazy. Revamping the grocery budget. For so long our grocery budget was able to be quite low. K was exclusively tube fed. Our insurance paid for his special high calorie formula. Noe nursed for his first year, and Jay didn't eat a whole lot. Now they are ALL eating just about as much as me (not quite though - that's alot to keep up with)! Again, a very, very good thing. Especially where K is concerned. I so well remember how zealously we prayed over each ounce that we could get him to take orally. When we brought him home from the hospital he had these teeny tiny 2 ounce bottles. When he would finish half we would rejoice. The feeding tube was placed when he was 18 months old. I've always had a love hate relationship with that little button in my boy's belly. Love how it helped him to grow and thrive when he was labeled "failure to thrive". Hated that we had to do it when we had prayed, hoped and worked so hard so that it would not be needed. Now we are consulting with doctors to begin making plans to surgically remove it. So, as I said, all good things, but... Change. Changes to the life I have known for so long and become very accustomed to. Changes that will cause us to rely so much more on God. I'm excited. I'm wondering. I'm trying not to worry. I'm feeling challenged. I'm growing.