If You Only Had One Month to Live

This post really took some thought. In fact I could spend a lot more time just contemplating this subject, but I really did want to get this finished and posted. Genny @ My Cup To Yours suggested a challenge to write a post based on the question "What if I had one month to live?" Genny recently read the New York Times bestseller One Month to Live and it inspired her to write several posts stemming from the thoughts it induced in her own life. I haven't read the book. I don't have alot of profound things to say. I am afraid that I may even come off sounding too much like I think I have it all together. I do not. Not even close. But with that as my intro, let me tell you some of my thoughts on this subject. I believe that God has given me a great and sweet gift. He has shown me the world through eyes of grief. He has allowed me to enter into some dark and uncomfortable places which have in turn shown me light and beauty in a way that I had never seen before. Light can not shine as brightly if it is not contrasted with intense darkness. In this earthly life I have experienced beauty that could only be described as God-breathed. Those moments that take your breath away. I have also been through situations that have made me long for my one true home. The experience of loving and losing two of our babies has given us a unique perspective into the significance of life. I love the word life. It is bursting with beautiful implications. In the Bible it is told as the ultimate gift. Not just life, but life forever! In light of eternal life we will never embark on our last 30 days, only our last 30 days left on this earth. Earth full of things that decay and won't last. Earth where we face heart ache and betrayal. Earth where we also experience touches of awe and beauty which only hint at the things still to come. James 4:14 says "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." This past Sunday I had the privilege of listening to a man speak who leads a ministry which reaches out to children. The majority of these children are very needy. They desperately need the love of Jesus to pour into their lives. He said something that really embedded itself into my heart; "Live for something which will outlast you". Each day I face an important decision; what will I invest in? Many times I have chosen the path known as self seeking. More times than most people would guess. It breaks my heart when looking back. Ignoring the question from the little one because it is the 1,456th question that day and I am tired of it. Or just plain tired. Ignoring the nudging to send a card or make a phone call, because I have other things on my mind. Allowing discontentment and greed to permeate my lifestyle. Allowing the kids to sit in front of the TV longer than I should because it grants more me time. Lazy over intentional. But then there are those moments when I allow God to take the lead and joy abounds. Abandoning what I am doing, taking that little hand, being led over to the puzzle on the floor and taking the time to indulge in the activity chosen by some one other than me. Reading If You Give A Mouse A Cookie for the 9th time. Saying no to some of those favorites because that money could be spent in some much more meaningful ways (By the way, that beautiful red trench coat - $770. Never would I do that! Ever). Making time with my husband, even if it means getting up early to have breakfast with him before he goes to work on those days when we know we won't see each other later in the day (And could I just add that he gets up at 4:15 am)*Smile*. Holding the hand of the baby whose beautiful eyes are shining with life because of seeds planted by God using the ministry I am a part of. Holding a dear lady while she sobs from the brokenness of being mistreated. Praying with the woman who thinks she has no hope. Showing her she does. Putting aside the insecurities of "but what if I look stupid or say the wrong thing?" and approaching the individual whom I feel may need a simple "hi", "you look great today", or "could I pray with you?". That is not only how I would desire to live my last 30 days on earth, that is my goal for each day. It is my desire that every day of my life be lived to the fullest. Few of us will have the opportunity to actually know when those last 30 days will be. Most of us wouldn't want to know. That means that it is our responsibility to live every day in a way which we can be pleased and satisfied with. Do I do this? So much more rarely than I wish. To some day hear those words, "Well done my good and faithful servant" motivates me to live my life investing in things that matter. Loving with out limits. Forgetting the things which inhibit me to reach out to people and invest in lives. I have so far to go. I am human and as our pastor has said many times "It ain't heaven till its heaven." I will always fight with my flesh. But when we get to heaven - oh friends can you imagine? "Now we see but a poor reflection, as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully as I am fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12