Friday, August 8, 2008

 The Most Important Love Story continued; God's princess

Sometimes God speaks to my heart in such a way that truly makes me feel like a princess. It solidifies the knowledge that has been slowly pouring into my heart. The knowledge that I am a woman who is deeply loved by God. It often sounds something like this: My precious Wendi, I am so glad that you are beginning to see yourself the way that I see you. I have been waiting and will continue to be patient with you, my child, as you seek to know me more. I wait expectantly knowing the joy that will multiply in your life as you get closer to me and see how I will use you. Do not listen to Satan's lies any longer. You are of infinite worth. You must stop focusing on yourself. Get your eyes on me, who I am, how much I love you, and how much I love those around you. I am going to use you to love those whom I love. You have had a purpose from the moment I began to form you in your mother's womb. I smile when I see your obedience. I am grieved when I see the way that Satan abuses you and leads you down the wrong path. Follow me. Please, do not question . Know that what I have for you is always, always better than the things which Satan disguises as good. I look at you and I ache with love. I could not love you more. Give me your life. You will never be sorry. With out God, I am not a princess. I am not trying to be arrogant in this series of blog posts on who I am in Christ. One thing that continually comes back to me is "I can't, but God can, and through me he will." It's like the song lyrics "His strength is perfect when my strength is gone. In His power the weak become strong." It is because of my weakness that his strength can pour in and become my strength. I've shared some of my feelings; inferiority, insecurity, inability, insignificance. I have never really stood out and excelled at any one thing. I often compared myself with others. I've always been a small girl and at times my physical stature has seemed to dictate what I feel inside. Small. I am the baby of my family (youngest of five) and something about me tends to bring out a very protective side of others. Due to these and other reasons I have allowed myself at times to slip into somewhat of a substandard role. When I became a mom some of those feelings only increased. I mean - wow, these things don't come with instructions?!! There are times that I feel like I am in way over my head. I am responsible for these people? Some days I feel like I can hardly even be responsible for myself! :) What an amazing thought in the midst of those fears that God knows all things. He knew at the beginning of time that I would be the mom to J.D., K, Jay, and Noe. He knew. He knew that out of all of the amazing mommies out there - I would be the best one for these boys. Really?! Some times I do wonder if my name got mixed up with some one elses on his list. (You didn't know about 'the list'?). :) I am also one who tends to be a little bit resistant to change. I like things very comfortable. I don't like to stray out of the oh-so-cliche comfort zone. :) So imagine my resistance when one Sunday morning at church God used the 'help needed' slide up on our video screen to nudge me out of that comfort. It seemed that a crisis pregnancy center in the neighborhood needed volunteers. I saw the words up there and said a prayer for them while digging in my purse for some gum. God told me to look again. I said another little prayer. What a great place. I'm sure they do alot of good. "You need to go there" I heard those words and looked around. Who ever said that was pretty out of touch because I have three young boys and my time is already stretched to the limit! Ha ha, oh well. I went on with my life. This happened every Sunday for about a month. By then I knew it was God's voice. It didn't make any sense to me whatsoever. My life was crazy busy. But this was one of the clearest directions I have ever gotten. "Go be a voice for those who have none. I have imparted a passion and love for the unborn to you - you value life! Use that for me! Show these women that they too can be my princesses! I love them so much! Show them!" Folks, to say this was out of my comfort zone would be a huge understatement! Little old awkward me counseling women? Trying to save the lives of babies who's mother's are determined to throw away? Parenting classes? Sexual integrity counseling? Seems too big for me. Way too big for me. But do you see how this works? It wasn't too big for God. I walked in to this place and felt at home. Comfortable out of my comfort zone. I have been there one day each week for a year now. It has changed the way I look at so many things. My heart beats for this ministry. It is amazing. It definitely challenges me! It's not all easy, but God has equipped me to do this. There is such a natural feeling of doing what I was made to do and being where I am supposed to be. God's princess - passing the baton to other princesses who just don't know it yet. Psalm 8:3-6 "When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him? You made him a little lower than the heavenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor." I have some high callings; Mother -one sent to love these three little boys, to show them Jesus, to teach them right and wrong, to show them how important they are. Wife - to show unconditional love to an imperfect man :), to be his helper as God shapes him into the man he was created to be, to encourage him and honor him. Counselor - to impart God's love, to guide and teach. There are so many more - Bible study leader, friend, daughter. These are not callings for insignificant inferior beings. Therefore, I know that is not my definition. I urge you to look at the amazing opportunities that God has put in your life. Look at the things he has called you to do and equipped you to do. If you have ever struggled with these feelings of not measuring up or not having worth, just focus on what God is doing through you and what he can and will do through you in the future! "The Lord appeared to us in the past, saying, I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. I will build you up again." Jeremiah 31:3&4 Two of my all time favorite chapters in the Bible are Psalm 139 and Psalm 103. If you need a good dose of God's love and faithfulness read them! Thanks for sticking with me for these past few posts. I was literally waking up at night with these things flowing into my head and I had to get them written. :) These were actually some of the hardest posts for me to write because they are very personal. I shared so much of who I am, and that can feel very vulnerable and be kind of energy draining. Once again, I feel like the past three blog posts have really been for me. If any body else happened to read them that's great, but this was another one of those times where the thoughts in my mind and the beat of my heart met the keyboard at my fingertips and anchored me to what really matters in my life. I will leave you with a quote that I found on Katarina's blog the other day. I love this quote! It really got my attention and fits so nicely in with what I am saying. "Our deepest fear should not be that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear should be that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually who are we not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."~ Marianne Williamson


Heather said...

Once again, thank you for posting this series. If you, with 3 boys, can find time to listen to God's voice telling you to volunteer, I can certainly do the same with my 1 son.

Mari said...

Princess, you shine brightly for your Daddy!

Thank you for your transparency and vulnerability in your words. What a beautiful testiomony of God's grace, patience and relentless pursuit.

Both God and satan have a plan for our lives, isn't it amazing when we start following the right one? Listen to your King as He speaks more love letters to your heart.

Bless you my sweet, sweet sister!

MoziEsmé said...

It is truly amazing what God can do when you let Him use you. Especially when it is something you know you could or would never do on your own.

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

It sounds as if God is leading you into a new chapter of living. (By the the new blog look. I haven't been here life has been absolutely crazy!)

I'm so glad for your work at the crisis pregnancy center. I have a special place in my heart for these women. I pray that God will continue to use you as his hands and his heart in this place.

May God's love be your constant, and may you know that you are his princess...his prize. His daughter...his bride.

Thanks for your tender heart and vulnerability.


MoziEsmé said...

Just an FYI - there is an award for you on my blog. Thanks for letting God use you . . .

Genny said...

I write this with tears in my eyes. What a powerful post. You have such a beautiful heart and your boys are lucky to have you as their mom. And the women that I'm sure you impact through your counseling are lucky, too. I love the quote you ended your post with! Thank you!
p.s. Thank you also for putting my button on your site. You are so sweet.

Tonya said...

I am speechless. That was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

I am back from my little break...thank you for dropping by this weekend and thinking of me! :)

And now I come here and am overwhelmed and speechless by your last 3 posts. I know we joke that we share a brain, but honestly, Wendi, every single one of these feelings that you have struggled with have been my struggle as well. It has been so hard sometimes. You are such a huge encouragement and inspiration to me...I love your obedient heart. You are truly, stunningly beautiful, inside and out.

Much love,

Shannon said...

This was a beautiful post and it really touched me. I am struggling to hold strong to my faith and I feel like God sent me here to read this. I know that God has a purpose for me and I know that he will reveal it in time. I take that back, I know that he is already revealing it every day. Thank you for giving me words that I needed today. One day I pray that I can let go of my control and give it over to God because only then will I have true peace.

dani said...

He does make us feel like HIS princesses; doesn't HE!!!
thank you for sharing your story, wendi!!!
philippians 1:3

mamachristina said...

Wendi, thanks for sharing your heart. I think you would be the ideal person to work with other women at the clinic. This and your last post is proof of that. You know your short comings and and you know that you at times you struggle with God's plan but you trust anyway. God bless.

Kari Dawson said...

I'm still munching on all the goodness that is contained in this lovely post so all I'm able to articulate at this moment is BEAUTIFUL!