Tuesday, June 24, 2008

 The one where I'm not really sure what to say...

Hi friends. I have no clue what to say to all of you wonderful people. I'm attempting a post because people have inquired and I know so many of you really care. That means alot. Here's me in a nutshell right now: Living moment by moment. Feeling a bit like I'm living in a fog. Functioning. Thankful to be able to meet the basic needs of the fam. Not even close to meeting any thing beyond basic needs. Biding my time until my appointment on Friday. Really not sure how every thing will play out on Friday. Longing for this tough chapter to be over. Feeling like I have very little control over my own body. Very tired. Not sleeping more than a few hours each night. Humbled (humiliated?) by the lack of control over my emotions which I have been displaying. Lost it in our Sunday school class at church Sunday morning (It wasn't pretty). Started crying at 5:30 this morning, couldn't stop. Fortunately I have been able to turn the water works off since getting the boys up. Not consciencely worried or desperately sad about any one thing, just having a hard time controlling those crazy emotions. Can I blame it on the hormones? Let's just say yes. Knowing how desperately I need the comfort of my Heavenly Father. Feeling distant and disconnected from Him. Knowing He doesn't change, feeling guilty that it must be me. Wanting to be myself again. Hoping soon I will be even better than I was before. Knowing God is faithful. Trying to focus on what He has already brought us through. I may not post again until after my appointment on Friday. I can't get my mind around much more than what is going on with this pregnancy. Thanks to every one for their sweetness and care as I struggle through this. Today I will do my laundry, keep the house looking decent, go to town and do a cleaning job, take the boys out for a fun supper, go to Dave's game, paste on a smile. These sweet little boys need their mama. I will muster all of the mommy strength that I can to be what they need me to be. Looking forward to better days...

17 comments:

Sarah M. said...

I'm Sorry! We love you and are praying for you!

Little Candle said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Sarah

Heather said...

Praying for you.

Becoming Me said...

I am so sorry. I am still praying

Joyfulsheep said...

Praying for you. May you receive a special blessing to encourage you in this time of great sorrow. You are greatly loved!

Lisa said...

Tommorow will be better - it always is!
Maybe pasting a smile on will not only make your boys feel better, maybe it will help you a little too - it can't hurt, huh?!?!?

Stay strong! Hoping Friday brings you some answers and peace...
Thinking of you....

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

How I wish I could reach out and hug you right now...I know it's such a difficult time. As always, you're being lifted up in prayer.

Don't feel like you have to post. :) We'll be here when you're ready.

The Bayou Belles and Their Beau said...

Praying for you too, that God would pull you closer to Him than ever before.

Tracy said...

Take all the time you need...we'll be praying for you in the meantime...

Elizabeth said...

prayed for you today.

dani said...

you don't have to say anything; or you can say everything you need to say. that's the beauty of blogging, wendi. it's your place to be who you are in the moment.
bless your heart, when i had my miscarriage it was a little different, and i didn't have to go through what you are going through physically. but emotionally it was really tough... even tougher because i didn't have GOD in my life as of yet. but, i know you do, and HE is there as HE never fails HIs children:)
love and prayers,
dani xx

cat said...

Keeping you in my prayers.

mamachristina said...

Don't worry about all of us, just know we are praying for you and we'll be here when you need us.

Irritable Mother said...

Dear Wendi,
I have only just "met" you, yet I can sincerely say I love you. May I pray for you?
Father, thank You for loving Wendi deeply and tenderly. As she seeks to keep living, as she continues loving her children in the midst of her sorrow, I am asking You to be her strength.
Please provide her with the smile.
Remind her of the joy that is hers in Jesus, the joy which will never fade. Father, when she feels as if she cannot make it through one more moment, please let Wendi feel Your arms upholding her.
Pour Your love out on her today!
I'm asking it in Your Name, Jesus. Amen!

Leslie said...

so praying Wendi, that a cloud of peace would cover you, and that Friday would go smoothly, and God would simply wrap his arms around you and hold you and despite the situation you would feel peace.

Thinking and praying for you and your family and letting you know we will be here... whenever you return.

Amanda said...

wendi...praying for you...grieving with you...though the situations are different, i can so understand the "muddling" through a season of life that just isn't fun...one that hurts and doesn't make sense...and yet one in which you have to keep going for the loved ones around you. oh wendi..you are loved and prayed for...may your arms be held up for this battle by many many prayers!

Cathy/ Mommy Motivation said...

I have faith in you, wendi. I know the better days will come. Thanks for the update. I appreciate it. :)