My friends bless my flip flops off

Under the circumstances this will sound like a strange thing to say, but yesterday was nearly perfect. Yes, I broke down in tears at some pretty interesting times. Yes, every now and then I felt the urge to get in my bed and stay there. But more than any thing I was overwhelmed by love. Overwhelmed, like seriously bowled over, can't believe it, blessed the socks right off me (except that sock just aren't a part of my summer wardrobe at all) encouraged. Shortly after I posted Monday and e-mailed several people, my inbox was flooded with e-mails. It meant the world to me. I felt strange at first, being so open with our news when I know so many who seem to handle their own loss so gracefully, quietly. But that's not me. And this was me saying, "I hurt, I need some love." And I just got so much love! It was what I needed and I feel my heart healing and thriving because of that love. And then there are my four guys. Tears come to my eyes at the thought of them. Dave was beyond intuitive and caring yesterday. He acted in a way which could only be categorized as nurturing gentleness. His eyes spoke of such a deep thoughtfulness and his actions were exactly what I needed when I needed it. How did he know? He just got it. He knew that pancakes were the comfort breakfast of choice. :) He knew that the clutter around the house was making me a bit obsessed and unsettled. He quietly picked every thing up. He knew I just needed to be away for a while. He got the boys all ready and we set out for the zoo. He knew I just needed to feed a giraffe. Ever get that urge? Some times you just have to feed a giraffe... Dave's initiative was amazing and so very helpful. He dealt with the boys little squabbles and met each need that I am so accustom to handling. Because of that I feel ready to handle the tasks ahead of me again today. The enormity of the blessings in my life hit me full force as we rode the tram at the zoo. I looked across the bench seat that accommodated my family and saw them all through eyes of appreciation for what God has given to me. So much more than I could ever have imagined! There was Dave with one hand on K and the other arm draped across the back of the bench so that he could be touching me, his eyes found mine every few minutes. K sat next to his daddy. His giggles were far reaching and I saw many around us smile upon hearing the sound. Jay sat in the tram with wide eyes. He took every thing in with enthusiasm. His questions were constant and brought many smiles as we answered the ones we could and kind of improvised for the rest. :) My lap was Noe's little spot and he held tightly to my finger. His other hand provided security in the form of a thumb stuck in his mouth. Every now and then he would let out the cutest little "ohhhh!" as the tram drove up hills and past much foliage. I just took that scene in and the tears came. It was a different kind of tears than the ones I had been experiencing. These were of a truly thankful nature. "God, I hardly feel like I deserve all of this. It's just beautiful! Thank you!" was the cry of my heart. Dave also knew that it would be a good thing for me to just be alone for a while. He called his mom and asked if she could watch the boys for a a few hours yesterday evening. She was tired form hours of strawberry picking and still had much work ahead of her. She dropped every thing and came. It was just what I needed, and she met that need with a mother's love. I had a few things to do in town, then had some time to go to the mall and just be. I did not buy the amazingly classy $75 shoes. :) I knew it was the temptation to find solace in retail therapy. Just not smart for me right now. :) I met Dave at his soft ball game and enjoyed the relaxation of sitting with a few of my friends. Just being there, acting some what normal (People wouldn't know who I was if I actually acted 'normal'). God has gifted me with really great friends. I received the hugs I needed and they too were just a balm for my broken heart. Through out the day my phone rang many times. Friends called. They didn't try to fix it. They just spoke of their sympathy and offered their love. Do you guys know what you do for me? How much it means to me? I don't think so, because I can't find the words to to even begin to express the gratitude. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. We still have hard stuff to handle. I try not to dwell on the unknowns. That which is no longer thriving with life has yet to detach from my body. My body still thinks I am pregnant. There seems to be an internal confusion. I do not feel any different physically than I have been feeling for weeks. My blood test showed the pregnancy hormones at a very high level. And yet, I know... That is why I cried near the cosmetic counter at a favorite store in the mall. That is why my words felt flat as some one asked me how I was doing today and I said "fine". My mouth was dry and my eyes teard up. They didn't really want to know, but it sounded so fake ringing in my ears. That is why I broke down at the stop light on my way to the game. Not little tears making a path down my cheeks, more like unattractive sounding gulps and sobs - mascara making black marks on my face. Really pretty! Oh well, some of the guys paint their faces for the game. They just think I'm a super devoted fan. This is why your prayers continue to mean so much to me. My emotions are rather inconsistent and unpredictable right now. One minute I am expecting to be sad and cry, and I actually handle every thing just fine, the next I am breaking down at a really inconvenient time for a really unrelated reason. Thanks for the love! God bless all of you tons and tons.