Lately I've been thinking more about the transformation that takes place in women as they become mothers. I celebrate being a mom often, but with the recent celebration of Mother's Day, it was extra special to have a whole day set a side to honor the profession which consumes my days; my heart. Perhaps it is because I find so much of what defines who I presently am has to do with the mothering part of me. I am very often accessorized with some kind of reminder of my little men. A few weeks ago I was setting up an appointment for a client at the CPC where I volunteer and she complimented me on my jacket. She then asked, quite sweetly, if I was aware that there was a yellow stain on my sleeve. I had not been aware, but boy was I ever aware after that! Noe had discovered the joy of rubbing dandelions on things and watching them turn the color of the delightful yellow flower. I had forgotten that in our outside time earlier that day he had used me for his newest fancy. One example of many which signifies that motherhood follows me wherever I go. :) Another example occurred even more recently. I received a comment on this post, where I made a simple photographic announcement, which highlighted just how deeply I have delved into the transformation of "that mom". And I quote: "Did you just POST your PEE stick? lolol that falls under "You know you're a mommy blogger when..." Congratulations!"
Thank you for pointing that out Cathy/Mommy motivation! So true, so true.
As I think about the lessons I have learned in the 5+ years that I have been a mom, this image continually comes to my mind:
I treasure this picture. It's not just because it is one of such a small number that we have of J.D. It isn't just because my heart feels warm each time the memory of this special moment is re-played. Those reasons are definitely valid and have a big part in why I love this image, but the main reason is because it speaks to me of one the most important lessons I've learned about being a mom. We hold their hands for such a short time. Fortunately most of us will hold our child's hand for much longer than the 10 days we had with our J.D. But the lesson is the same. Time is fleeting. Capture the moment. Love the moment. Burn the moment forever on your memory. -And then give them your best as you watch them grow and become who they were meant to be. J.D. has become who he was meant to be. I had to let go so much sooner than I would've ever chosen to, but it was time. K is becoming who he was meant to be. I am letting go little by little, though at times it is so difficult, I have to force every bit of the process with this one. The process of letting go of Jay and Noe has it's moments of pain, but also such moments of pride and joy! Watching the independence, seeing the growth.
Sometimes I feel sad when I see this picture and I think of the short time we were able to experience our first son. But then I think of the truth that all of our children are never really ours. God has gifted us with them to nurture and help point them in the right direction, but they are His. Someday we all have to go through the process of letting go. I am but just a part in his wonderful plan, which is unfolding for each of my guys. What a privilege!
And now I find myself there again. That sweet honor of nurturing a precious one inside of my body. Life thriving with in me. I will treasure each movement. Bond deeply with this little person, who will feel so much a part of me. Then, I will give birth and the cord will be cut. Nothing could ever sever the cords of love; the amazing feelings that we are a part of one another. This child will grow, become independent. Wow, it is such an incredible, lovely, and scary journey as we love our children with an open hand...
A mother holds her children's hands for a moment; their hearts forever.