Thursday, April 10, 2008

 Nourishing the soul

Ahhh, the boys are finally all in bed. Not asleep, but in bed. It's been a long and busy week so far. Having the boys in bed comes with a tired relief. My precious little miracles, who I tend to rave about so much in my blog, have nearly sapped the life out of me this week. :)
Okay, I'm back. As if to put some emphasis on what I was typing, I heard a loud *thump* from upstairs and the good mommy in me decided to investigate. For the record, the bad mommy in me was tempted to just turn the radio up. Thump? What thump? The boys are sleeping and this is MY time. Any way. Jay was trying to get my attention because "Something hurt". His newest way of trying to stall at bed time. It usually goes a little bit like this: "Some thin hertz... What hurts Jay? Umm, umm, umm my, my chin. Yeah. My chin Hertz. Jay, you need to go to bed." He responds even more adamantly than before and we go round and round like that for a while. "My hair hertz mom. It hertz. My hair needs a band aid mom." Sometimes a band aid on your child's hair is a small price to pay for some peace.

I was refreshed by a challenging and sweet time with my Mom2Mom group this morning. Each month I lead the Bible study that we are going through together. I actually say 'lead' in kind of a tongue-in-cheek way. These women have all taught me so much. I'll say I 'facilitate' the study. :) We are studying a book called, "Becoming a Woman of Purpose", by Cynthia Held. All of her "Becoming" books are so great! I have studied "Becoming a woman of excellence" and "Becoming a Woman of Grace". Really good! I loved hearing the different perspectives from my friends as we discussed the chapter, "Waiting on God with hope". These women challenge me and help me grow. This chapter wasn't exactly easy, but I think we all gleaned some very valuable things from it.
My heart is kind of fluttery and I feel lighter than I have in a long time due to all that is transpiring in my spiritual and emotional being. I have to be honest with you. I have been allowing myself to get pretty depleted lately. The demands of every day life can seriously drain me. I know alot of moms in this season of life can relate. Most of you know that when little ones are dependant upon us our stregth can get drained so easily! With so much of us going out we have got to be putting life giving substance in to replenish ourselves! We replenish ourselves physically with food and drink. We wouldn't even think of going days (hours...) with out food. What makes us think we can go days with out replenishing our soul, our mind, our emotions? I suspect our allowing that depletion of self has alot to do with the author of all lies.

Well, yesterday I felt that gentle prompting. Amidst the noise, the sibling rivalry, the "mom, mom, mom, MOM, Mom!" I more felt than heard the "Wendi, when are you going to listen to me?" Ugh. Talk about conviction. I am not great at prioritising. Here was the one who created me asking that I spend a few moments listening to Him. I realized at that moment that it wasn't the first time that gentle prompting had tried to get through the chaos to touch me. I hung my head in shame.
Part of my problem very often is that evil little thing called 'perfectionism'. Those of you who know what I'm talking about realize the harm it can cause. I often think that if I can't have the perfect 'quiet time', I'll just forget it. Hmmm, author of lies strikes again! What a dangerous tool. I am realizing that at this stage of my life I am not going to have that hour long time with my Bible, highlighter, study books, and quiet every day. Nothing about my life is quiet right now. So, I am redefining my personal relationship with Jesus. Letting a song touch me. Shutting my eyes, quieting my spirit (what I do have control over) and dwelling on words of praise. Praying through out my day. Smiling when I see some thing that God obviously put in my path to remind me of Him. Thanking him, over and over. Yesterday I left the boys downstairs for 5 minutes went to the half quiet of my room and said "Okay, I'm listening". What I felt in those few minutes was any thing but demanding and time consuming. It was not even condemning. It was astonishingly personal and nurturing. So refreshing.

I want to share an excerpt from a book I am reading called, "Your Captivating heart", by Stasi Ethredge. (Thanks Sarah!) This is a paraphrase of some of Jesus words form the Bible,

"God has sent me on a mission.
I have some great news for you.
God has sent me to restore and release some thing.
And that some thing is you.
I am here to give you back your heart and set you free.
I am furious at the Enemy who did this to you, and I will fight against him.
Let me comfort you. For dear one, I will bestow beauty upon you
where you have known only devastation.
Joy, in the places of your deep sorrow.
And I will wrap your heart in thankful praise in exchange for your resignation and despair."

There is such a sweetness pouring in to my life. It is so beyond something my parents believed in and therefore imparted to me. It is something I chose to believe in with every thing I am. My prayer lately has been for more fervor, more passion, excitement, and zeal for what I believe. I don't want to be apathetic. I don't want to be timid.

Let me leave you with a little peak into a couple of other sweet things in my life. Draining, at times frustrating, but nonetheless, near and dear to my heart!

I dont think he is trying to choke him... :)


Rachel said...

Okay I am going to grab a few minutes now and I plan to take my Bible to read as I pick up Grace in a few hours at school.(There is always a line and I have a few minutes to read.) I have followed God's prompting and am going to take care of a 1 and 2 year old for our new youth pastor & his wife as they take our teens to Chicago this weekend. Please pray that I will be wise and find peace in the mist of 5 kids. This is quite a bit out of my comfort zone. They will arrive shortly after noon and probably not go home til midnight on Saturday/Sunday am. Oh God help me! I am not joking!

Anonymous said...

God bless you for staying faithful to him after all you have gone through.That is what He wants is for us to draw closer to him during our trials.I too have learned there is not a perfect time for bible studies, but ,our kids will see us set that example too.