Friday, March 21, 2008

 Fly

It seems that K has always been bound by some thing. Held back by boundaries. When he was a baby it was a ventilator and an I.V. line. Then for 8 months an oxygen tube and apnea monitor belt. After that, a walker, or some one to give him much assistance while walking. It is an unexplainable feeling to all of the sudden see him with no boundaries. Nothing is holding this child back. My initial feeling was overwhelmed thankfulness and joy. Now that it is sinking in a little bit I feel this maternal protectiveness setting in. Wait...wait. I don't know this world. I don't know the world where he steps out of my protection. I don't know the world where he does things independently. Yet, hasn't this been my goal? I feel like a mommy bird as her baby bird begins to fly from the nest. I've watched my other birdies begin their attempts at flying and it has been fantastic! But this one God, this one needs me. His wings are clipped and scarred. Let me just put my wing under him and let him ride on it. Flying on his own could hurt him. What? Trust you? Well, I suppose, maybe I could try to do that...Maybe. But wait...wait. I remember a birdie flying away from me. No, I can't let this one go. There is some thing about him that reminds me of my other birdie. Let me keep this one in the nest. What? My other birdie is flying happily? With you? With out a care in the world? With out the cares of this world. Okay God. Let this one fly too. Help me. I can't let him go with out your help. Today my mind drifts to a story I heard a long time ago. A story about another mommy. She gave birth to a precious little boy. She watched him take his first steps. She let him go. She watched him become a man. She let him go. She had to stand by as he was ridiculed, humiliated, beaten, tortured, killed. What did she feel? How did her mind make sense of it? Did she know? It was for her. It was for me and you. Jesus had to die. He did it so we could live. So we wouldn't be held back. So we could live. So we could fly. He wasn't held back by the boundaries of death. He came back to life. He lives!

1 comment:

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Wendi, I just now got a chance to come and visit this post that you left a link to in my comments. Oh my word. This is truly one of the BEST things I have ever read. So poignantly expressed...your mother's heart displays every emotion so vividly. Yes, He is the One that will guide them, carry them, make them fly. But is it easy? No. :) I am going to come back when I'm not so bleary-eyed so I can read it again. Beautiful, my friend.

Oh...I just thought of something, I hope you don't mind me asking...I saw your comment over at Mama Belle's about you being raised in a strict home (in reference to the Dirty Dancing movie)...I was just curious about that. The more I learn about you, the more I realize we have in common...yep, I was also raised in an extremely stict home, and so when you mentioned that, I was intrigued. Anyway...if I'm prying just ignore me. :) Or you can email me if you want.