Monday, October 20, 2014

 In which I learn to embrace the INTENSE

I'm in the midst of a "parenting breakthrough" so, of course, I had to rush over here and record it. Because I will forget.
Because I climb right back into the trenches far too easily.
Because I am oh-so-human.

Over the last few years I have struggled with how tough some parenting scenarios are, that I have to deal with. I have often compared my kids with some of my friends kidos - 

And I have found myself continually thinking....
                             
                                                 If only I did A)
                                                                      or B)
                                                                             or maybe even C)      differently,

They would be good.

We wouldn't have this struggle.

They wouldn't fight...   {All. The. Blasted. Time}.

My kids. 

The kids I prayed to conceive, 
prayed for in the womb,
prayed over their little bassinet for, 
dedicated them in front of my church family and God.

Those ones. 

They haven't liquefied and molded themselves into the shape that I thought they would 

                                 by now.

I mean, geez. They are 11, 9, 7, and 5.

SURELY by now..........


Right.

These beautiful, amazing, miraculous,

dirty, rotten sinners.

{Isaiah 64:6}

{Romans 3:23}

Just like their mama.

SURELY by now she should've........


Maybe stopped comparing?

Maybe counted it all joy?

Maybe seized the moment and chose contentment?

Yes.

While I fully realize that comparison has stolen my parenting joy 10 times out of 10, I do have to say that God has gifted Dave and I with

Very Intense Children.

Sometimes when I am having a conversation with another mama, and I hear about some sweet soft things in the life of her child, an alarm sounds in my brain.

Signifying that my kids should be doing that...

 - Generous sharing

 - Or immediate obeying

 - Or willing tithing 

And I feel that cold band around my heart. 

"If you were a "better mom". 

If you were more intentional. 

If you had started teaching this in infancy. 

If you were

A)

B)

or C)...............

Now I do realize that all parents have challenges and that I can not make my situation "more noteworthy" than anyone else. 

But For Real. These boys, ya'll. INTENSE.

Oh friends. I am getting it now. While bettering my parenting skills should, and will, always be an open door for me, Staying the course through the thick of it is the key. 

These kids? These boys were given to me by God. They are intense. They just are. And what a joy. They will continue to be. 

We will still have to handle crazy 11 year old fits when we get to the school building. Because we have a boy named K. This is who our family is. We have a K. Not just anyone has a K. ;)
He processes things in a K way. I can't "better mom" my way out of this one. Blast that tendency to always want the "easy way out". While he may grow out of some of the current challenges we face with him, there will be new ones. Always.

We will still have those nights when we are just plain weary, and the bedtime routine is impossible.

{Just GO.TO.BED. Can you do that? Like, lay in your nice comfy bed, shut your eyes and Stay there. Dang it} 
{Bless their hearts} 

We will still have mornings, getting ready for school, that make me want to dig my eyes out with a spoon and run for the hills. 


But the key is that I won't. That comparison and perfectionism will get me nowhere.

No Where. 

But what WILL get me somewhere, what will keep our family moving forward in a way that glorifies God is just 

Sticking with it.

Hanging in there, sometimes with both fists securely wrapped around blessings abounding, 

And sometimes by a 
                                  Very
                                        Thin
                                              Thread

Of simply commitment and trust.

Because see, I could read All The Books.

And go to All The Seminars.

And talk to All The Right People.

But I've just been called to give them my heart.
Do my best.
To Build My House.

{Prov. 14:1}

To love them on those days that I don't really like them.

To stay.

To be faithful and persevere.

To find joy in the God given moments.

To be the heart of my home.

{Ephesians 3:17-19}

{Prov. 31:10-31}

{Luke 12:34}

To stop comparing and simply embrace these unique {INTENSE} personalities. 

Do you have any idea how freeing this new mindset is? It's like I have been freed to love my own boys. Weird. I know. But I don't know how to put it any other way. 

So here's to staying the course, loving well, and embracing the Intense. We're in this together. 





3 comments:

Unknown said...

Great topic! Definitely still something I struggle with too. A couple things that help. :) They do get older and so some of these things that drive you crazy begin to disappear (and others appear). Watch for the things that confirm you are doing some things right (they DO happen!). Conversations at our dinner table remind me that they've caught so many good things. :) And a HUGE thing to remember is that you are building HUGE bonus points into their lives simply by being Christian parents who are still married, parenting together. We are constantly reminded this is NOT common anymore. And as the kids get older they too realize how important this is in their lives.

Dawna said...

Sweet Wendi. Please don't forget...intense children are the ones who will change the world. No lukewarm lives for these young men, no way. So enjoy the blessings as much as you can and know that God chose you to be the momma to these intense, world-changing young men because he knew you were the best one, working hand-in-hand with him and Dave, for the job. Love you, dear friend. ~Dawna

Arlona said...

This will help them to stand up for their convictions. We do not willy, nilly. You and Dave are doing a great job with each one of them and wherever I take them, they are loved. You are doing what God wants you to do. When He convicts you of anything, confess what you think you are doing wrong and let God change you. I love you dearly. Mom