The big is the little and the little is the big

There is a certain irony in my life that is this: I am finding big crisis situations, or life changing choices to be easier, in some aspects, that the "little" nitty gritty of every day life.

Of course it is hard when the "big" difficulties of life happen. In so many ways there is a unique element of tough. Even excruciating. 

But that is expected.

Dave and I have felt God's hand in our "big". 

In loss, 

in forgiveness, 

and in surrender. 

In pursuing a calling that could turn our life upside down.

In facing some of life's uglier side, head on. 

And there is peace, 

a strength, 

and a very real supernatural forward motion in our "big".

All of that makes my failures in the "small" that much more discouraging. 

The "small"…

Running late in the mornings

Tiredness

Where are those snow boots?

Lunch not packed

Putting the final touches on my Sunday outfit, only to get my jacket peed on by a certain three year old (true story)

A parenting choice leading to opposition between Dave and I

Not being on the same page

Tiredness

Bills

Being cold

On snowy roads

A fight over why we must bathe (really??)

A camera not focusing correctly

Tiredness

Overwhelming fits of rage from a 10 year old (Not so little… this is material for a post in and of itself some day)

A broken glass

Whining

Spilled juice

Tiredness

Legos on the floor… again

Dirty dishes covering every square inch of kitchen counter space

I'm sure you get the picture.

And, you guys - I know, I know, that if I do not get it in the "little things" than I have missed it. 

I have missed the point, missed the mark, missed the blessing, missed my Jesus.

My true character shines out in those "littles". And I have added quotation marks there because I am being enlightened that they are the biggies. 

I am not proud of what my responses have been to those scenarios lately. Not proud at all. And I'm ready to own it *cringe* - That who I am at those times… well, that's who I am. No excuses or justification. That is me. That is my righteousness being filthy rags… 

No, "Well, I was tired."

No, "That wasn't MY fault." (oh, but my responses are always my responsibility…)

I can not measure my character by how I am at my best (and sadly, even then - it is as filthy rags. Thank you Jesus for YOUR grace and YOUR righteousness and YOUR justification), or when surrounded by support.

So this is where the conviction is landing right now. 

If the Spirit of the Living God lives within ME (and He does), than He is actively nurturing gentleness, kindness, self control, peace, love, joy, faithfulness, goodness, and patience to be put to work in those "little" "annoying" "blood boiling" "frustrating" situations. 

Boy, do I need Him.