{My reasonable service}

I came across this quote by Elizabeth Elliot today, 

"This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God's way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness."

It really struck a chord with me. 

I thought of all the times that I wanted a "different cross to bear." - Because surely some one else's troubles would be lighter than mine, right?!

 Um… no. :) Different… sure. But we have each been given a distinctly unique area to glorify God in. We have a choice:
to embrace it, 
run with it, 
and radiate light while we are living it, 

or 

complain about it,
suffer discontentment from it,
and wish our days away. 

I have been able to see the testimony that I can have with the experiences I have been given. But, can I be honest? Oh the times that I have stubbornly grieved "my issues" - and wanted some other testimony. Another way to bring glory to God.         

...Times I haven't wanted to have the platform of the mom of a special needs son.
Changing a 10 year old's diapers,

Meetings upon meetings at school to figure out placements because of delays and fatigue and frustrations.

Doctors appointments all over the place.

And then he just looks at me, and his eyes sparkle, and I squeeze my eyes shut and say, "yes, this is mine - may my response to it be a sweet offering to you, Lord."

…Times I haven't wanted the stigma of loving my husband through the times he has struggled with what he puts before his eyes.
Really?
Do we have to go there?
Maybe he could be tempted by something else...

But oh, what I have learned about God, and his great love for us through this!

…Times that I haven't wanted the platform of being the mom who lost a baby. 

And there I found the very heart of God.

I could think of a ton of other "issues" that seem initially easier to bear. Perhaps a little more to my liking. 

I mean, hey - what if we could each "have it our way?!" Like a fast food restaurant. If we absolutely had to pick a few struggles, and we could choose from a flashing menu board?

"I'll have….anger, maybe impatience, and a  side of rebellion, hold the lust. Maybe a small helping of "sick child", but leave off the chronic special needs, please. And certainly no death. Let's just add a few minor struggles, if I have too, but miniature size that. Thanks!"

-And I just have to laugh. I know myself, and I know that I would be able to find plenty of ways to throw fits over any hand I would have been dealt. 

But this is mine. 

I lift my face towards the Son, and own it.

This

Is

Mine.

This is what God knew would be on my plate when he created me. Some days I can see the truth; that this is my reasonable service to Him (Romans 12).

That "bearing" all of this is nothing in light of what Jesus did for me, and even in light of what so many around me are in the midst of! 

That this is (*deep breath*) a privilege.  Yes - an honor, to joyful serve my Jesus in the middle of what he has placed me in.

It's mine, and I am giving it back to him with joy and surrender. 

-Doesn't mean these labels which define my roles are easy, but there is certainly a buffer on the raw pain when I imagine this……

"Well done, good and faithful servant."

It will be worth it all, when we see Jesus.

Life's trials will seem so small, when we see Christ;

One glimpse of His dear face, all sorrow will erase,

so bravely run the race, till we see Christ.

                                                           -Esther Kerr Rusthoi                  

I believe it. With my whole being I believe this. And that, my friends, is what gets me through.