To obey

I only have a few minutes (story of my life), but really want to get a post tapped out here. One that has been ruminating in my mind for months.

It's not easy to get all of these words to cohesively reflect what is in my heart.  In fact, I pretty much already know that parts of this will be highly misunderstood. I guess I am at a point where I know that I need to put this stake in the ground, and write it out for me, so if it is misunderstood by some, I can deal with that.

There are things that I can't read any more. Or watch. Or even just glance at.

Strange, huh? :)

I fight this tension. A pull towards wanting to mindlessly follow rules, so that I know I am doing the right thing, while not feeling the pain of molding my heart around great things.

And then, the inverse of that, a drive to just flippantly throw off caution and boundaries.

Do you get that? Do you ever feel the opposing forces playing games with your mind?

I am prefacing what I have to say today with these thoughts on inner turmoil because I need it to be known that nothing about the changes coming about in my heart have to do with rule keeping or mindless legalism.

Not even a little bit.

And that is what is exciting to me! Because of my tendencies towards those things, I know the changes are of a supernatural nature.

So what is it I can't participate in? Look at? Think about?

Anything that takes my mind away from an eternal perspective.

Anything. 


God is defining that in really specific ways. It's hard sometimes. I want to be "in the know", just like everyone else. But, I am hearing "no" in some areas that I can't ignore.

We are all on different journeys. I do not believe that many of the things I have to turn away from are things that my friends or family have to turn away from. Some very well may be. But this is my journey, and I am condemning no one. Just surrendering my heart to the FREEDOM of obedience.

For me? - I believe the Bible is absolute truth. I believe that we are called to be holy as Christ is holy. I believe that if we take a stand, and proclaim to believe something as truth, and then sit and let drama play before our eyes, and enter our hearts (it goes there automatically, you know) that glamorizes and effectively idolizes that which we are taking a stand against (!) , we are choosing to be lukewarm, and accepting mediocre, at the very least.

I feel the tension. I want to enter into the conversations. So, who does the Bachelor choose??? What tips were in the Glamor magazine? Surely a little chill out time with a glass of iced tea and "harmless" magazine is fine! After all - I am a busy mom! I need "me" time.

Mindlessly plopping down in front of the TV after a long day… Appealing? You bet! Goodness, there are days when I so want to turn my mind off. Just for a second, lay it all down.

But for what? To waste a few precious hours of this life that is but a vapor anyway?!

I can't.

That statement is becoming more an more literal.

As in, my stomach churns and my mind feels off. I get antsy and uncomfortable. I feel stifled and restless.

If I talk to young girls about purity, healthy relationships, and God's design for us in these things - and then go home and watch all kinds of immorality play out on Grey's anatomy, or the Bachelor, or take my fill of reading Fifty Shades of Grey (great article on that subject here), I am the worst hypocrite there is!

Gahhhh! I know that haters are gonna hate. Because I just came out and named names. Yep. I did. And I wasn't gonna, but I did.

I know the pull towards these things. I know the justification too. You aren't really doing the things you are watching right? Right?!

But you know that thing about thinking it in your mind being equivalent to doing it? Yeah, that is in the Bible. Which I have declared to the world as being absolute truth.

I can not have both (that's in there too, if you wondered).

I've seen the shows, even been hooked a time or two. I've been the chief-est of justifiers. I've been hypocritical and inconsistent. I have not walked my talk.

But this change is so freeing. It may not be perceived as such, just by reading my words, but if you could look in my eyes…


Guys, I don't know how all of this is translating. It's hard when you can't see body language, facial expressions, etc. These are just plain black words on a white screen. But my heart is just reaching for Jesus. That's all. It is so much simpler than some try to make it. It's just about Jesus. I just want more Jesus.


PS - when you pray to have the mind of Christ, a heart like His, and to see things through His eyes, be ready.