Much of my life has this dichotomy. The fantasy... and the reality.
The danger is when I assume that I get the reality, and every one else is living the fantasy. *smiles*
I may laugh at that false assumption, but it still often tantalizes the unsettled parts of my heart and mind.
If you read blogs at all, or are on facebook, or a handful of other social media venues, photos abound this time of year of sweet holiday fan fare.
Homes decorated to perfection.
There are alot of matching pajamas out there folks.
Dave, the boys, and I had a great Christmas. It was by far the most relaxed Christmas we have had an ages. Slowed down and no hurrying here and there. Good.
But there were alot of things that, you know - went differently in my mind than how they played out for realz.
Do you know what my kids wear to bed??
A mismatched assortment of athletic shorts, rarely any shirts at all, and nothing with soft, fleecy, coordinated snowflakes can be found. Even if they could be found, they likely wouldn't be worn.
'Cause, you know, athletic shorts are just so much comfier... and stuff.
So here's the deal. While I was dreaming of playing out this (unoriginal, hijacked from a certain movie) lovely list, that adorns my little chalkboard
(Seemed totally reasonable to me!)
Dave decides to begin a heating project in the basement.
It was fine.. until it took alot longer than I expected and required more of him than I thought was okay.
Seriously, why would we be making our house warm, when there is snuggling to do??
Ah, how the hopeless romantic in me balks at practicality and reality.
Our Christmas Eve plans of attending the beautiful church service, that is always so tastefully done, were thwarted by the reality of a little Noe with a continually climbing fever... I was disappointed, but did get a fair amount of snuggling in. ;) We opened gifts with grandparents and did have a nice evening in.
The key to enjoying that evening in, was being grateful for what we have.
Not dwelling on how I thought things should have gone, but simply living in the reality of how things were going.
Christmas morning dawned sunny and bright.
And coughing and fevers abounded...
I was scheduled to be on worship team at church. Dave was playing trumpet and running the sound board. I was excited at the thought of our ministry involvement in the service on such a special day.
It was all going to be beautiful
with lightly falling snow
and sugar plums
and holly decking the halls
and mistletoe kisses
when we all changed
out of our matching pajamas
and into our Sunday - Christmas Sunday - best.
Except we don't have mistletoe.
I'm not sure I even know what sugar plums are. Like, maybe plums, rolled in sugar, or something?? Or perhaps some sugary substance that is crafted in the shape of plums?? Tell me, because I am just positive that along with that knowledge will be some kind of Christmas magic that I can put to use next year.
There was no snow.
Everything was brown.
Dave went to church by himself.
I managed the chaos of four little boys, most coughing, a few sick, and all a little hyped up on Christmas excitement.
And no one had matching pajamas. ;)
I took a deep breath, tried to erase preconceived notions of how it was supposed to go, and breathed in my reality.
I looked for the treasures.
Messy faces were wreathed in smiles.
My halls certainly were decked.
Decorated by little boy hands, who found such satisfaction by mama letting them do it all by themselves.
Ornaments made by them - that surely will be treasured.
My man and I don't need mistletoe - because that would limit us to only kissing when we were under it.
Not for us.
Stealing kisses whenever we want to? Yes please. ;)
During our family date last night, out to dinner and looking at Christmas lights, Noe had a melt down about his pineapple getting Jay's drink on it.
Alot of coughing was still going on.
Dave's hours of working on the heating project caught up with him.
Tiredness and sore muscles wore on him.
And Kai decided that he didn't like Christmas lights.
I may have reacted with a wee bit of a selfish meltdown myself, which would have rivaled a two year old on his worst day...
Because, really.... that just wasn't the way I saw it going... in my head.
And today I just have to smile. Because I see the pattern, and I've been here before a
million few times.
I need to just live it,
not write the script and be the director, and then go all mad diva director who didn't get 1/2 squeeze of ripe lemon in her filtered water on my family.
Thank God I am not the director of this life....
There would be alot of snuggling.... but it would for sure be a disaster of ginormous proportions.
My life is sweet.
The blessings are endless.
It is the life God has given me.
It is not the life God has given any body else.
Comparisons are dangerous.
Living in a fantasy world is trouble.
And this is me reaching for the beauty in my reality.
Athletic shorts and all.
So... tonight I am going on a date with my husband.
Pinky promise I am not planning every minute of our evening and dreaming of a perfect night of just the two of us.
Like, I'm not planning on two straws and one drink.
Staring into eachother's eyes.
Talking about our feelings for hours.
Kissing in the snow which will still be gently falling.
Watching a sweet movie at home, while he rubs my feet.