Tuesday, December 27, 2011

 You may find gorgeous photos of matching pajamas... elsewhere

Visions of sparkly trees (with white lights, if you must know) and angelic little boy (clean) faces wreathed in smiles... and matching pajamas, danced in my head.

Much of my life has this dichotomy. The fantasy... and the reality.

The danger is when I assume that I get the reality, and every one else is living the fantasy. *smiles*

I may laugh at that false assumption, but it still often tantalizes the unsettled parts of my heart and mind.

If you read blogs at all, or are on facebook, or a handful of other social media venues, photos abound this time of year of sweet holiday fan fare.

Homes decorated to perfection.

There are alot of matching pajamas out there folks.

Dave, the boys, and I had a great Christmas. It was by far the most relaxed Christmas we have had an ages. Slowed down and no hurrying here and there. Good.

But there were alot of things that, you know - went differently in my mind than how they played out for realz.

Do you know what my kids wear to bed??

A mismatched assortment of athletic shorts, rarely any shirts at all, and nothing with soft, fleecy, coordinated snowflakes can be found. Even if they could be found, they likely wouldn't be worn.

'Cause, you know, athletic shorts are just so much comfier... and stuff.

So here's the deal. While I was dreaming of playing out this (unoriginal, hijacked from a certain movie) lovely list, that adorns my little chalkboard

(Seemed totally reasonable to me!)

Dave decides to begin a heating project in the basement.

It was fine.. until it took alot longer than I expected and required more of him than I thought was okay.

Seriously, why would we be making our house warm, when there is snuggling to do??

Ah,  how the hopeless romantic in me balks at practicality and reality.

Our Christmas Eve plans of attending the beautiful church service, that is always so tastefully done, were thwarted by the reality of a little Noe with a continually climbing fever... I was disappointed, but did get a fair amount of snuggling in. ;) We opened gifts with grandparents and did have a nice evening in.

The key to enjoying that evening in, was being grateful for what we have.

Not dwelling on how I thought things should have gone, but simply living in the reality of how things were going.

Christmas morning dawned sunny and bright.

And coughing and fevers abounded...

I was scheduled to be on worship team at church. Dave was playing trumpet and running the sound board. I was excited at the thought of our ministry involvement  in the service on such a special day.

Christmas day...

It was all going to be beautiful

with lightly falling snow

and sugar plums

and holly decking the halls

and mistletoe kisses

when we all changed

out of our matching pajamas

and into our Sunday - Christmas Sunday - best.

Except we don't have mistletoe.

I'm not sure I even know what sugar plums are. Like, maybe plums, rolled in sugar, or something??  Or perhaps some sugary substance that is crafted in the shape of plums?? Tell me, because I am just positive that along with that knowledge will be some kind of Christmas magic that I can put to use next year.

There was no snow.

Everything was brown.

Dave went to church by himself.

I managed the chaos of four little boys, most coughing, a few sick, and all a little hyped up on Christmas excitement.

And no one had matching pajamas. ;)

I took a deep breath, tried to erase preconceived notions of how it was supposed to go, and breathed in my reality.

I looked for the treasures.

Messy faces were wreathed in smiles.

My halls certainly were decked.

Decorated by little boy hands, who found such satisfaction by mama letting them do it all by themselves.

Ornaments made by them - that surely will be treasured.

My man and I don't need mistletoe - because that would limit us to only kissing when we were under it.

Not for us.

Stealing kisses whenever we want to? Yes please. ;)

During our family date last night, out to dinner and looking at Christmas lights, Noe had a melt down about his pineapple getting Jay's drink on it.

Alot of coughing was still going on.

Dave's hours of working on the heating project caught up with him.

Tiredness and sore muscles wore on him.

And Kai decided that he didn't like Christmas lights.

I may have reacted with a wee bit of a selfish meltdown myself, which would have rivaled a two year old on his worst day...

Because, really.... that just wasn't the way I saw it going... in my head.

And today I just have to smile. Because I see the pattern, and I've been here before a million few times.

I need to just live it,

not write the script and be the director, and then go all mad diva director who didn't get 1/2 squeeze of  ripe lemon in her filtered water on my family.


Thank God I am not the director of this life....

There would be alot of snuggling.... but it would for sure be a disaster of ginormous proportions.

My life is sweet.

The blessings are endless.

It is the life God has given me.

It is not the life God has given any body else.

Comparisons are dangerous.

Living in a fantasy world is trouble.

And this is me reaching for the beauty in my reality.

Athletic shorts and all.

So... tonight I am going on a date with my husband.

Pinky promise I am not planning every minute of our evening and dreaming of a perfect night of just the two of us.

Like, I'm not planning on two straws and one drink.

Staring into eachother's eyes.

Talking about our feelings for hours.

Kissing in the snow which will still be gently falling.

Watching a sweet movie at home, while he rubs my feet.

Oh brother.


Chelle said...

yes and amen from over here. what a profound gift God has given you to express your heart in words so beautifully...your widsom and heart just shine in this place...what a incredible blessing you are sweet friend. xo

Fairlightday said...

Thank you for writing this. So many identical thoughts in my own head.
I'm still in my whining-to-myself/feeling-sorry-for-myself stage. Trying to stay busy and plan fun stuff to get me over this hump. Bless you for being a good example and an inspiration. <3

Jedidja said...

Thanks for this great blog.

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

I am right there with you. Not sure how to put my blog post into words yet, but expectations & reality collided rather than met at my house. Love you! Thanks for the truth!

Rachel said...

YES YES and more YES!

I am so there with you, my friend. Our Christmas was also hijacked by sickness. Two years ago the same thing happened, and I totally let it get to me. It was Matthew's first Christmas home, and it was supposed to be magical, right??? :) Except it wasn't. It was a screaming child with a new mommy trying to figure out how to not lose it in front of her family :) This year...nothing went as planned, but it really didn't matter as much. I too am realizing this is IT, this is my life and this is how things go and it can still be wonderful. It is amazing what happens when you just let go of those expectations and just enjoy what it is. So this year, I'm thankful for two snotty noses to wipe, and a warm home to enjoy since we couldn't go ANYWHERE. It's all good.

Loved you post! You are so real and I love it.

Katarina said...

Enjoy the rest of vacation....failed script following and all!

Leslie said...

Love your heart wendi, and I know in this house I die to my expectations .. all.the.time.

Thanks for being real and honest. Praying the date.. has you reaching into the popcorn bowl at exactly the same second.

Kristin said...

You should get a headband that has mistletoe hanging from it. That way, anytime he is near you...smochie smochie. And maybe I have some other ideas that are better discussed face to face.

Sarah said...

Thanks for a much needed reminder that God gives us exactly what WE need - not what anyone else needs. I, too, am blessed by a life (with three children three and under) that never goes according to my best laid plans! But, nevertheless, I am blessed. And we didn't have matching pj's this year, either. The fabric is still sitting down on my sewing machine since Daddy was away on business for the six weeks before Christmas and I couldn't get anything done besides care for my children! Oh, well. It will wait for next year!

Hayley said...

this. might. be. my favorite-by-you post EVER! Love love love, Wendi!!!!!

Jaime_Swartzendruber said...

Wise words! It's the little things, huh?

Nikki said...

Oh Wendi, I love you. And I love how beautifully you share what God is teaching you, because it is always--ALWAYS--something that speaks directly to my heart, too. SO many expectations. So many *unrealistic* expectations adorn my days, especially around the holidays. And I'm usually too busy running from one thing to another (because it all hangs on ME, you know) to slow down enough to recognize that dichotomy, let alone laugh at it and let it go. Thank you for sharing.