Monday, April 4, 2011

 And the highchair makes her cry too

We are probably putting our highchair away this weekend - and I am dying a little bit inside. You know how it is. I've talked about it before. The changes.

The good

and bad

and life

and adjusting.

He'll sit in a booster for awhile, and then it won't be long until he is insisting on just a "big boy chair". I know because I've lived it 3 times.

Other than special needs parenting, which may require it long term, we are seeing a light at the end of the you-are-now-an-expert-at-diaper-changing stage of life. Really? A light. I once brought the very existence of this light under question. But now this tunnel of dependence and exhaustion and what-I-wouldn't-give-for-just-five-ever-lovin'-seconds-to-my-ever-tired-self; it has a light at the end of it.

And yes, I am aware that other tunnels await. Crazy ones that are way out of my league. But right now I am here and now and we are putting the highchair away.

I look at my belly, which once was habitat for some beautiful little people. Streaks on the sides are faint and faded. I trace them and am flooded with memories of what they represent to me. Beauty. I don't mind that they will likely always be there. I don't mind one bit.

The highchair has some permanent marks too. They all used it. It looks a little bit tired, but still sturdy.

There are some pockets of time and some creative freedom that I see slowly unfolding before me. New. Exhilarating. Not diaper changing. It's stretching my mind and my heart - kind of like they stretched my body. I wonder if the new experiences will leave a mark.

I'm ready to sprint ahead. Make the new memories, embrace the foreign tunnels. Watch for the lights that illuminate the end of those.

And yet I stand here motionless for just a moment. And then I slowly trace the lines on the highchair. I can smile and I can even be glad for all that is to come,  but it doesn't mean I can't get misty eyed over an eight year old piece of plastic and cotton.


Katarina said...

I understand. I felt the same way when I packed up the rest of the diapers and wipes to give away cuz Owen no longer needed them.
Something so exciting yet bittersweet.
Enjoy this next stage in life, treasure the memories and live the adventure that is yet to come! (Because I am SURE there will be many!)

Mama Belle said...

Wendi ... I love this post. Made me reminisce about my own kids. They grow up way too fast. And, it seems like just yesterday I was watching you go through a pregnancy. Wow.

Kristin said...

I would cry over a piece of plastic and fabric :(

une autre mère said...

Oh, Wendi... you brought tears to my eyes! I feel ya. Some days I long for no more diapers, and then I quickly remember that this is also what I cherish and will soon long for these days again. Why do they have to grow up? ;)

The Sneaky Mommy said...

I completely understand! I asked my husband to move the boys' high chairs while I was gone hoping it would be easier...then, what do you know? A surprise is coming along and I'm going to have to let that high chair go all over again!
One very wise mom at church with grown children told me once to make every age and stage of my children my very favorite! It's really been an encouragement to me!

Arlona said...

I will miss the high chair as that is one place that I could put Kai and know that he would still be there until I took him out. Help!!!!!!!!!! He is so fast that sometimes I have to go looking for him.

BARBIE said...

It's so bittersweet. So fun to watch them grow up, but at the same time, I want to keep them babies forever.

Jenn said...

You wrote exactly what I have been feeling for the past couple of years! BEAUTIFUL!

Elizabeth said...

I love this post because I feel the same way. (Well, we're still using our highchair, but you know what I mean.)

It's nice to know I'm not as crazy as my husband would have me believe! :)

Tay said...

I just want to let you know that I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now and I am really enjoying it.

I am going through a somewhat stressful time in my life right now your blog really brings a smile to my face. Reading your blog is really a highlight of my day.

Thank you for making my day with every post you write and being an encouragement to me!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

so beautifully expressed...i think every mother feels this way about letting go as their babies grow!

Nikki said...

It's so beautiful, how in the midst of the turmoil of this phase of life ending, you find joy as you look ahead.