Saturday, March 19, 2011

 Saturday morning love - and getting older

This is part of why I am loving this whole "30" thing.

This new perspective stuff.

This life-is-still-hard-but-I-am-learning-to just-deal-anyway precept that is finally beginning to take root.

Please note: beginning. Okay.

It's Saturday morning. My house, which I might add was quite put together and bordering on *gasp* clean yesterday afternoon, appears to have been turned upside down sometime in the last 18 hours. That generally causes my nerves to be on edge.

Evidence of breakfast lingers. All over my kitchen.

A to-do list sits - looking very clean, as opposed to the chaos around it, and overall untouched.

Baby Kai (I know, I know - not so much baby. But this is my blog, and I will call him baby Kai when I want to) has had a series of escalating melt downs. Snot prevails victor over clean face.

Jay was in our room no less than 10 times over the past two nights.

Too hot. Not feeling well. Needed a tissue. Needed water. Was having bad thoughts. Dreaming things he didn't want to dream. Had a fever. Couldn't sleep.

Due to that mixture of truth, and  6 year old contrived brilliant reasons to avoid sleeping, Dave and I have a sleep deficit that threatens to overwhelm.

But here I sit, surrounded by disarray, relying heavily on this richly dark, caffeinated liquid, with a bliss that defies my reality.

A few minutes ago Kai fell and, once again, resorted to screams and tears. I willed my blood pressure to decrease, I knelt down and soothed him gently, I wrapped him in the softest blanket, and he just hung on.

We swayed gently in the living room full of toys.

We glanced up at the pictures Dave just hung on the north wall. Six, of the eventual nine, photos are now in place. Each of them eleven by fourteen inch representations of different aspects of our lives. It's just us and real and truth.

The mess doesn't matter. The to-do list nearly vanishes.

We sway and we talk and my heart feels peace. A peace I could not have felt with out the lessons of years and life and growing older moving from my head to my heart.

And yes, I've noticed the creases have deepened around my eyes.

How rarely (okay, okay - try never) I get the once often heard, "You have four boys? You hardly look old enough for two!"

The gray is trying to mingle with the brunette.

My endurance has changed, and I don't bounce back in health as quickly as I once did.

But the good - the good of learning, understand, accepting, leaning on Him. So far out weighs any disappointment of all of the other.


Katarina said...

You are where you are meant to be and I love watching you grow and lean on Him through your writing.

une autre mère said...

Oh what a true and beautiful post! I so love how you often make me think and this time actually made me appreciate my age (which I too often despise).

Oh, and I loved your comment on my blog. Too bad we don't live close enough help relieve each other of our stresses! I think we'd have a great time! :)

Kristen@LiveLifeInWonder said...

Oh shoot, I wish I would have gotten it said before this that I think you do look too young for all the boys you have. And wise...oh my you are so wise and good with words and thoughts and feelings. I feel like I could look to you like a big sister or something but really you're only a few months older than me. (I'll be turning 30 this coming July.)

I am so interested about this picture display you briefly mentioned. Will it be something you will share? (oh please, please, please) I love a series of pictures that capture the years, so real and true.

Jenn said...

I, too, find myself getting stressed among the chaos. I felt the same way you did this weekend. I spent a good portion of Saturday cleaning and by evening it looked like I hadn't been working that hard at all. UGH! I was really gritting my teeth and trying to keep myself in control! :)

Beautiful post!

Nikki said...

So I'll be 30 before all these truths start to sink in? ;-)

Hayley said...

Ok, so tonight I'm just commenting with my favorite lines out of your posts. :-)

"We sway and we talk and my heart feels peace. A peace I could not have felt with out the lessons of years and life and growing older moving from my head to my heart."

And yes, we really do want to see a picture of that photo wall!