This new perspective stuff.
This life-is-still-hard-but-I-am-learning-to just-deal-anyway precept that is finally beginning to take root.
Please note: beginning. Okay.
It's Saturday morning. My house, which I might add was quite put together and bordering on *gasp* clean yesterday afternoon, appears to have been turned upside down sometime in the last 18 hours. That generally causes my nerves to be on edge.
Evidence of breakfast lingers. All over my kitchen.
A to-do list sits - looking very clean, as opposed to the chaos around it, and overall untouched.
Baby Kai (I know, I know - not so much baby. But this is my blog, and I will call him baby Kai when I want to) has had a series of escalating melt downs. Snot prevails victor over clean face.
Jay was in our room no less than 10 times over the past two nights.
Too hot. Not feeling well. Needed a tissue. Needed water. Was having bad thoughts. Dreaming things he didn't want to dream. Had a fever. Couldn't sleep.
Due to that mixture of truth, and 6 year old
But here I sit, surrounded by disarray, relying heavily on this richly dark, caffeinated liquid, with a bliss that defies my reality.
A few minutes ago Kai fell and, once again, resorted to screams and tears. I willed my blood pressure to decrease, I knelt down and soothed him gently, I wrapped him in the softest blanket, and he just hung on.
We swayed gently in the living room full of toys.
We glanced up at the pictures Dave just hung on the north wall. Six, of the eventual nine, photos are now in place. Each of them eleven by fourteen inch representations of different aspects of our lives. It's just us and real and truth.
The mess doesn't matter. The to-do list nearly vanishes.
We sway and we talk and my heart feels peace. A peace I could not have felt with out the lessons of years and life and growing older moving from my head to my heart.
And yes, I've noticed the creases have deepened around my eyes.
How rarely (okay, okay - try never) I get the once often heard, "You have four boys? You hardly look old enough for two!"
The gray is trying to mingle with the brunette.
My endurance has changed, and I don't bounce back in health as quickly as I once did.
But the good - the good of learning, understand, accepting, leaning on Him. So far out weighs any disappointment of all of the other.