It was okay by me. And it was more than okay by two little boys who love nothing more than to spend the day in jammies, pretend, create, and chill out.
It was during our nap time yesterday (this is when the baby sleeps, the 4 year old thinks of every excuse he can to come out of his bed room so he doesn't fall asleep, and the 5 and 8 year old have
Yeah, it can be kind of intimidating.
Jay was actually engaging in a rare restful moment. K was watching a movie, and I was doing some Bible study. Jay looked up at me from his comfy pile of blankets, pillows, and sleeping bags strewn all over the floor (we take nap time however we can get it around here!) and started firing questions faster than I could gather my thoughts. They weren't "How do birds fly" and "where does the snow come from" type of questions either. These were very well thought out and insightful.
Most of his questions were of a spiritual nature. Inquiring about those who choose not to believe in Jesus. Asking about what happens when we die... and when they die. I could see gears turning and puzzle pieces dropping into place in his mind, building upon what he has been learning.
This thing, this being a parent, it is big.
All afternoon I felt my mind being drawn to prayer - just asking over and over that I get it right. The way he was looking at me, the intensity of his blue eyes, it felt weighty to me.
I feel like asking "who am I to have all of these small people looking to me for direction?! I don't have all of the answers, - some days I feel like I, personally, have more questions than answers!"
Some days I don't want the responsibility of it all. I am a lump of selfish clay and I often feel myself wishing to shrug off the accountability and authority that goes with this position.
But then I am reminded...
that this lump of clay has had the breath of life infused into it
that I am working in cooperation with the One who intricately created these small people who look to me for their truth
that all I have to do is ask, out of a humble heart, and the right words will be there.
This is so big, isn't it?