On my T-shirt: Yes I know what causes this, yes they are all boys, yes I am okay

Everywhere we go - there are stares.

I can honestly say that there was never a time that this wasn't a part of our lives as parents.

First we were the couple with the little baby hooked up to an oxygen tank that sat in the bottom of his stroller. The small baby with two wires emerging from the buttons on his soft outfits which led to a heart/apnea monitor that hung over the handle of the stroller. The baby with a narrow head and obvious bump where the shunt was placed. There were plenty of side glances, questioning looks, and out right stares.

There were a few comments too. Ranging from sweet to rude. Alot of "What happened to the baby?" and "What's wrong with him?" We quickly learned the most kind and concise ways we could answer the questions.

Then we were the couple with the small boy with braces on his ankles and glasses on his face... and the screaming infant. Not alot of comments at this time. We wouldn't be able to hear them anyway. I've said it before; Jay had colic. He was either nursing, sleeping, or screaming. So, at this time we mostly just got  "waitress, can you move us to the booth waaayy over there??"

About the time that we became the couple with two young boys and a baby belly the "Do you know what causes that?" comments began.


No, kind stranger, I do not! Maybe you could explain it to me and really help us out here!

And of course there have been countless assumptions, readily verbalized, that we were/are desperately hoping and trying for a girl.

*Smiles* "Oh, we love having a house full of boys!" But it's like they don't hear us.

I remember the time we went out to a restaurant for the first time after becoming the tired looking couple with the growing boy who walked with a walker, the two very active preschoolers, and the itty bitty newborn (man, after writing that out I'm thinking I would probably stare too...). An older lady approached me as I was just finishing up nursing and she said this "Oh, honey, I do hope that the baby is a girl!" I told her that the baby was not, in fact, a girl and indicated how very much in love with our four boys we were. It was obvious though that she had already made up her mind that I was a woman who should be pitied, so she continued on her little speech about how she had been sitting across form us hoping against hope, for my sake, that the baby was a girl and that I was not so outnumbered by boys.

"Oh, but really - I'm fine - I love i..."      "Honey, I am just sorry for you!"

So often now, so many looks, double takes, and often the "obligatory" statements.

"FOUR boys?? Four of them?? Really?"

No, there are really only two - the other two are just figments of your imagination.

"Oh, you keep trying for your girl don't you! It'll happen, it'll happen. Don't worry."

It will?! Oh, good. In fact, we were just about to go home and try for that girl right now!

"Wow, you guys are busy!"

Really? We are? Thank you so much for pointing that out! What earth-shattering news for our family. Huh, we are a busy family. Interesting.

So, for seriousness, why do people care so much? Do they really feel obligated to verbalize their observations? Why does any of this affect them in any way? Why do they care if they are all boys, if they are all ours, if they were all planned, if we are happy, busy, tired (all of the above thankyou).

Ranking right up there with the frequency of "When are you going to try for the girl" is the "You guys almost have your very own baseball team!"

Less oft said, but still heard more than once is the simple and direct "Are you okay?" - Implications vary.

Only heard once (therefore greatly treasured) was "What did you do for God - that he gave you these four beautiful boys?!" {From a Man, spoken to Dave} He went on to tell Dave that he had three girls, loved them all dearly, but had always dreamed of a son. He kept sneaking peaks at our table at the restaurant.


So, I have accepted it now. Wherever we go there will be stares. There will be some comments stating the obvious, and there will be some statements that are completely false. Some things may be asked that are not any ones business. And every now and then some one will say something really nice.

We've learned the smile and the go-to phrases that seem to meet the requirements of the on lookers. :)

I really need to get busy on making that T-shirt.