Friday, July 16, 2010

 Letting out the kite string so that it can soar above the clouds

Dear boys,

Last night sleep was rather elusive as I listened to the youngest of you all expressing anger that I would not get up and nurse him. How quickly you revert back to things which we have together overcome; sleeping through the night being one of them.

I laid in my bed and thought about each one of you. I pondered what I thought I wanted for you and then what I know I want for you.

See, it has taken me a while to realize that as your mommy it is not my job to make your life comfortable and flawless. I want to. I want to go before you and take all roadblocks out of your path before you come to them. So much. I want to protect you and make everyone love you, using force if necessary. I want to make things easy for you. I want to leave the light on in the hallway. I want to fill your days with things that make you jump up and down and squeal in excitement. I want to do the things for you that you say are too hard. I want to hold you so tightly next to me and never let you go.

But would a kite be so pretty if I just held it in my hand?

This is what I know. .."It is better to build a child than repair an adult" and if I did all that I "want" to do for you I would have alot of repair work to do when repair work is at its hardest and habits have been nearly set in stone.

I wish for you to know pain. Because through pain you will intimately know the one who comforts. Through pain you will see the sweetness of healing. Through pain you will empathize with those who deeply need your love. And it is only through the measuring stick of pain that you will be able to truly quantify the purest of joy and beauty.

I wish for you to know what it feels like to have much and what it feels like to go with out. - To find that elusive contentment and valuable wisdom in each of those scenarios. "May you discover that your overflow is someone else's necessity". I want you to see the true value of simple things. I want you to search for the treasure in relationships rather than things. I wish for you the wonder of giving away what you have to gain something priceless.

I can close my mommy eyes and see your little boy eyes dancing with excitement and awe of new discoveries and favorite things. I want you to keep that. Hold tight to it when cynicism enters your world. Don't let any one tell you that the rain falling like confetti on your face isn't magical and that the first snow of winter isn't the ultimate in delight.

I want you to know the significance of hard work and a good work ethic. You don't have to look far to see that modeled. Watch him. Look to your daddy. He is looking to his Heavenly Father and this is as it should be.

I want you to know grace in a big way. I don't want mistakes to scare you I want them to teach you.

You will be angry. Don't let your anger control you.

You will be tempted. Arm yourself. And when you give in, come running back.

You will be sad and lonely and hurt. Do not let it harden you. Let these things manifest with in you a sensitivity that loves deeply.

Always remember that His divine power has given you everything you need for life and Godliness.

Everything you need.

And to my youngest - please sleep.

Amen and goodnight.


Lois Lane II said...

=) This is so true. And your boys will thank you. I was bullied as a kid, but I realize now how being bullied and enduring some of the social hardships I did throughout school made me the person I am today. And without them, I have no doubt that I would be abandoning God. I praise Him for allowing me to not be the popular kid, to be bullied, and to make my own way, because, through that, I found him, and, in college, I found Godly best friends...and a Godly husband. =)

Leslie said...

oh wendi. I got little shivers.. this is a beautiful note to your boys.....

I nodded all the way through, and then giggled at the end

your gifted...
but we know this! :) I love your way with words.


Sal said...

I needed this today. Thank you!

Melody said...

Beautiful post.

I am so right there with you, working on getting my 8 month old to sleep through the night. I believe we're on the cusp of a breakthrough, but oh, it is so hard to listen to him try to work it out : ( How your little guy figures it out soon, too!

Tonya said...

So beautifully written and oh so true!

Amy@My Front Porch said...

LOVE THIS! It's what I imagine our Heavenly Father would say to us -- what He essentially DOES say to us in His Word!

You have such a beautiful and profound way of expressing yourself :)

Mozi Esme said...

Beautiful! Loved this letter...

Tori said...

This is a blessing, to hear from one going through the same struggle and to know that I'm not crazy. Thanks for reminding me that letting go can be beautiful although painful, sweet although sad. It IS best and I'll just keep trusting that He'll help me let out the kite string little by little when the wind gusts, desiring to help him soar.

Katarina said...

Amen. What a true, beautiful post. Hopefully you got some sleep too.

BaronessBlack said...

This was lovely!
In some ways it reminded me of JK Rowling's Harvard commencement address (which you can get here if you're interested

My number 3 sleeps well, and I am SO thankful! Take care!

cassie10009 said...

don't know how I even found myself here reading a most poignant mom's thoughts, hopes, dreams and desires for her children. I figure God had a hand in this. So often, I disregard what God has done in my life, how blessed I am. I was blessed by your intimate thoughts and your joyfulness. I hope you do not mind...I would like to put a quote from your thoughts on facebook. It is "You will be tempted. Arm yourself. And when you give in, come running back." I am sure it must be scripture based.
Thank you. Blessings to you and your family. Cassie