To my second born

 You were born second. By six minutes.

But you are often referred to as our first. Because here on earth - physically with us, you are our first.

You tend to fall in place in birth order as a second born - after Jay. So technically that would make you a third born. Jay has many qualities of a first born. He is protective of you in a big brother type of way.

So, you are kind of a first, second, third born.

Confusing much?

Here's what is not confusing: You are completely and thoroughly loved for who you are.

Every day with you is a gift. And guess what? I almost forgot.

 I almost forgot that seven years ago we experienced months of wondering if you would be ours to keep.

And then yesterday I had a conversation with a friend. She talked to me about a time many years ago when they thought that their infant son was not going to make it. I gasped and said, "That must have been awful!"

 And a small voice in my head whispered, "It was. Oh, it was!"

I had to swallow my tears.

Right now we struggle with the fact that you aren't getting the instructions we are giving you on using the toilet.

We are frustrated that for the past nine months we have not been able to figure out if you have been experiencing pettit-mall seizures, or if you have developed migraines.

We have held you through these unusual episodes and have stilled our beating hearts as we search for answers.

And yet...

We almost lost you. 

So many times.

These things we are dealing with now? - They may be inconveniences. They may be baffling and disheartening. But they are not life and death situations.

You are whole and alive and learning and growing.

Reaching for things that were deemed out of your reach. 

When I look at you I see a masterpiece. 


I so clearly see a creator.

A beautiful and intricate design.

And I hope you always know that no matter where you are in birth order,

no matter what you can and can not do,

no matter what the doctors say,

the world says,

the voices in your head say,

even what your mom says,


you were created by a wise and all knowing God who has an incredible plan for your life.


He created you with a purpose and he deeply desires a relationship with you.

Grasp that above all else.


He is God.


He made you.


You are pleasing to him.


And he.wants.you.

As for your mom - she just needs to sit back and remember for a while.


Remember things that were terrible and fears that went deep.

Because in those memories the wonder of the gift that you are is unlocked.