The unexpected in motherhood

I hate the not knowing. And the worries. I know I should just be infinitely grateful that he is here. Just that he is here. This week of all weeks... It's a little bit more emotional than most. And this week some things are happening that feel so out of my control. There are alot of things that have surprised me since I have become a mom. So many things that are really different than what my expectations of motherhood were. Some really, really good. Some just...well, different . Like I never thought that I would have to learn to look for the signs of a seizure in my little boy. I never knew I would have to learn to hold a child close while he was having a seizure. Learn to calm my beating heart, and gently tell him everything is going to be okay. Just hold him until it is over and then watch him as he enters that deep sleep. I'm beginning to know it all well now. What will happen and how to handle it. I know it too well. Because I want to scream that this is NOT okay. This is not what being a mom is all about, is it? Or is it. Is being a mom really less about our expectations of chubby grins and little people kisses and more about a deep love that is willing to go places we never thought we would venture? Is it about flexibility and adapting to some very unique situations? We all have them - circumstances that we never expected. And I believe true motherhood has alot to do with the unexpected. The things our kids teach us. The places they have brought us and the ways they teach US to grow.