Friday, September 4, 2009

 Sometimes it's just more poignant...

In an effort to live in the here and now and to treasure memories, but not wallow in grief - to be so thankful for the overflowing blessings of the past 6 years... I do not allow myself often to dwell on those "what might have beens" I used to go there alot. It was okay for a time But there also came a time when I just knew that I needed to move past that. And oh how wonderful it has been to clearly see the beauty that I DO have in my life. Not what I could've had Or what they could've had Still - Sometimes... There is a lump in my throat as an image flashes across my mind of two six year olds getting on the bus together. Brand new backpacks proudly worn. A best bud holding K's hand. A best bud who looks a lot like him. Learning, reading, field trips, snack days, birthday cupcakes, together. Some times the sadness isn't so much for me, but for K. He would've loved it. So much. I lost a son... but he lost a twin. It was an unbidden image. - Not something I sat there and consciously placed together. But when it flashed through my mind - in my heart It took my breath away Milestones just make me think of him more.

11 comments:

Heather of the EO said...

Ugh, lady. I'm so sorry. I've often thought about this. That milestones would be so bittersweet with that loss. You're happy for K, but you're missing his brother.

Peace to you, friend.

Lois Lane II said...

Oh, Wendi. =( Those milestones are hard when you lose a loved one...you are such an extraordinary mother, and your young boys are so blessed. Thank God for sweet, Christian parents like you!

Lena said...

Thanks for your honesty and rawness- grief is a hard thing. Even when you feel you have dealt with it- it still bubbles up from time to time. I understand that feeling all too well- there are so many 'what- if's' and 'what might have beens'and it's so easy to go to that place.

Thanks so much for sharing the stuff you have been through- it has helped me too many times acknowledge that I am not alone and other people do understand.

Rachel @ Unexpected Blessings said...

Love you girl!

Amanda said...

oh wendi...can i admit that your past few posts have left me with tears streaming (i mean streaming!) down my face...perhaps because i AM a bit post-partum and emotional...perhaps because this morning was emotional for me anyway...but they are cleansing tears, for in your words i hear your heart...a heart that remembers, and yet a heart that is at peace and content with the Lord's plan for your life. thank you for your transparency...thank you for your beautiful words...thank you for simply being and sharing who God has made you to be!

Barbie said...

This is so beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing.

Dawna said...

Wendi, I have no words for this, but know that I am sending you love and hugs and a whole lot of prayers! (ps- I love that photo!)

Amber said...

Beautiful!
Such love, such pain, such joy all rolled into one.
You brought tear to my eyes.

I lost a brother when I was 5 and he was not quite 2. The pain is very hard yet I can't imagine my parents pain, especially now that I have 3 of my own, I can't imagine how it would be to loose one of my children.

My preyers are with you.

Pictures are worth a thousand words!

"Rachel" said...

Oh, seeing the pic at the bottom broke my heart after reading the post. K is so lucky to have you as a mother. He is blessed, even in his loss.

Jamie said...

This touching post brought tears to my eyes. I can't even begin to imagine this kind of pain. What a great mom you are!

Jackie @ Our Moments Our Memories said...

Oh, dear Wendi. This post took MY breath away. To treasure the memories but not wallow in grief - that is where it's at, isn't it? I don't pretend to know how hard it must be sometimes, but I love that you are able to express your thought so beautifully and poignantly. Your boys - ALL of them - are so blessed to call you their Mama.